It’s something strange when blood drips. It’s something so lethargic. In the space of a second, the whole world stops turning and all that an animal like me saw was the redness. Everything moved in slow motion. But it was so fast. In one instant it can change everything. The large droplets, thick, rich, warm, fall with more mass than water.
If blood drops into your hand with your eyes closed, not knowing it was blood… would you relish in the warmth or would you devour your own hand entirely, the feel and… the smell, far too much to bear?
I would consider myself and devour, with the thought of nothing but the feeling of the warmth and the relief and relish that comes from both actions.
Yes, that.
But would it be more of a practical thing to do to wave it away? Make everything better again? No, of course not. If waving a hand could fix everything, I would never be here.
If this blood were the blood of the only truth in the world, would it then be wrong to devour; to settle into the smell, the comfortable warmth, and simply sink into it?
No, not that.
But if the world had nothing in it left to appease you, would it then be justified? My animal instincts reacted and sniffed, hearing the convulsing beats of the heart from which the blood was dripping. My teeth bared, and my face, pale as it was, flushed paler still, making my transparent skin glow a sickly shade of silver.
The swirling thoughts filled my sense of control as I looked into the face of truth. My eyes felt as if they were dilating, and the answer, I knew, was up to the creature I was and the creature I would become…
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
I really thought this was interesting. I love how you described the feeling of blood (not trying to be weird or anything. lol).
It makes me wonder if animals really think about stuff like this....
Well anyway, from what I can see, Dream got most of it, so I'm just gonna say that I really liked it and disappear!
Well, I really liked it!!
-Poof <--- (Disappearing)
--Jalmoc
Hello Pinkmunki95 and welcome to YWS. I'm The.Dreamwalker but most people call me dreamwalker or dreamy for short. I'll be reviewing your work
Alright so first off, the critique 'dun dun dun' just kidding
The word redness sounds very silly, like this whole powerful line was built up for a small word. Try something more awe inspiring. Use a thesaurus or something as such. They can be your best friend.
Again, I can kind of see where you're going with this, but at the same time it just comes out sounding funny. Try writing it like 'Things seemed so terribly slow and yet it was moving so fast.' Also, very choppy sentence structure. Make it more flowing!
...devour your hand? Um.. thats an odd idea. I wont question..
Um, i hate to break it to you, but eating your own hand will not bring great relief. That would just be extremely painful... Other then that, the sentence structure is neat and percise.
This story is jumping around really quickly towards completely different themes. First I think one thing, and then another, and it just gets really confusing and I'm not really sure what your trying to put across.
Again, a major jump in the plot line. Terribly confusing and I do believe I'm truly not getting the just of this story. Really watch out for confusing the reader like that. It's a short story. I'm sure there has to be a meaning behind it or it is pointless.
Okay so that was my critique. Now onto my analysis.
Okay so this piece was very confusing and strange. I read it over a couple times and still dont really understand what your were trying to put across. Your wording is lovely, I must say, and I did much enjoy your language, but I think you need to come up with a plotline, a story. Create irony. This was very strange and I was having a hard time trying to find the point in it.
Other then that, I do love your wording and how you put things across. If you need anything else reviewed, please PM me. I would be happy to ablige!
Ciao
-The.Dreamwalker
This was good. I liked how it was this character that was dangerous and an animal, but knew that and tried to reason with/justify the less...God, I just lost the word...gah...well, for lack of said word, let's say advanced or civilized. I couldn't find anything so far as grammar and spelling goes, though I do have one suggestion. Some parts got a bit wordy and a little bit tricky to understand. I would just go back and reread and try to rephrase some things. Wait, I lied, one more thing:
Well, technically two more things, but the main thing I noticed is that some of the sentences can go together because they're a bit shorter. Also, in that last sentence, and I'm not sure if this is even grammatically correct, where it switches from adjectives to a verb, I would change the comma to a semi-colon. Other than those few little things, god job!