Published May 14, 2011
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141,381 Literary Works • 674,385 Reviews
Hello again!
Not easy to deal with a story like this, nope.
I have to agree with Allie--Bryan's definitely a smart kid for saying no to this Reinna. Because... well, because Reinna is awfully hard to like, and that might be the downfall of your idea, here. She was okay in the first chapter, but now it's just over-the-top awful, and I don't think you want your reader to be hating her.
A story with a heartbreaker who gets served can be good, but right now you're pushing it to the extremes. I can't see a single thing to like about Reinna! That's not good. She needs some redeeming qualities. Not to mention... why is she such a heartbreaker?
To me, she's completely insecure. Worse, she doesn't seem to have an iota of self-respect if all she does is throw herself at guys, and if she judges her own worth by whether or not she has them.
So, I think you need to consider Reinna's character. Don't settle for extremes. She's a person and people can't just be shoved fully into categories, y'know?
On a plot note, I'm wondering why Bryan went along with being kissed. He was shy in the last chapter. I'm also wondering why he isn't more weirded out by this girl throwing herself at him. Obviously, he has some self-respect and self-worth, but if he just takes that Reinna gives him... that's not exactly full of integrity either. Which means we're not apt to like him either.
On a writing note, this is a pretty rushed scene. So take your time, slow down. Don't shove your characters into stereotypes and groups, and you might want to tone down Reinna's character. Make sure Bryan's acting as he would. And... good luck
Let me know if you have any questions!
I really enjoyed reading this, as well as the first part! I can't wait to read more!The plot is captivating! Smart kid, for saying no...