The monster crouches near my toes,
anticipating the oncoming blows.
You saunter over and begin to approach,
on his territory you dare not encroach.
A single movement made too fast,
it very well may be your last.
Your foolish threats, are resumed,
the beast bubbles up, I’m almost consumed.
You still continue your verbal abuse,
his talent will soon be put to misuse.
You tease, and then you taunt,
his fighting skills he will soon flaunt.
You prepare to try and take me down,
the creature thinks you are a clown.
You think your hand will hit my face,
the creature puts you in your place.
You growl, then swipe, and roar,
the creature makes you no more.
Well overall I really like your poem. At the begininng the rhyming starts off very well and it flows very nicely. The rhymes fit in well with the way you are going with the poem. At the end however, I thought the ryhming got very forced and unnecessary rhmyes and lines were put in. Overall I thought in was a very good poem I would just look over and revise the last few lines.
Hello Dr. Seuss.
The rhyme scheme is horrible. It's really simple. No offense but it reminds me of something I would write in grade 2 minus the vocabulary. Like OverEasy said in the above post, your rhymes are forced. You don't have to have a rigid rhyme scheme of ABAB. You ALWAYS have the choice of in rhyme or multiple rhymes to keep your piece interesting. Your poem reminded me of your avatar.
Wow I sound really harsh, sorry, but I don't want to sugarcoat this. Compliments never made a writer any better but they can't hurt so...
I like the concept. It's new and fresh. I just want you to make something much more out of it. Right now you have an empty canvas. I would love to see what you will fill it with and the artistic steps you are going to use and implement to get your piece there.
First Impressions
Well the flow was consistant, which is lovely, but some parts felt very very very forced. Even in poetry with rhyme you don't want it to sound like you're forcing the words out of yourself.
You prepare to try and take me down,
the creature thinks you are a clown.
his fighting skills he will soon flaunt.
Your foolish threats, are resumed,
120,614 Literary Works • 651,077 Reviews
Points: 890
Reviews: 4
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