Published May 21, 2011
Prologue
Ever since I was little, I was never allowed to make friends of my own. I could never break into that warm happiness that others could. I couldn’t indulge in the pleasure and of love and friendship. I couldn’t experience a single taste of sweet pleasure that most probably take for granted, for I am the dark side of humanities joy.
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140,936 Literary Works • 673,761 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm...well for a prologue this is really short here...I think this could genuinely pass quite well for something like a blurb without too much trouble, although I will say that at first glance, this handles the job of a prologue quite well. Despite its short size, its very punchy and hits you quite powerfully with what's happening here and I think it also surprisingly comes off as a complete piece which is not too common for prologues of this size.
I like how the whole thing here reads like one single stream of thought, it seems like its very clearly trying to build up to this big point in the end, which it certainly does, and that really makes this quite a powerful piece here cause you're just treated to a sort of sudden slide down towards that eventual and powerful conclusion at the end.
The end here is what does manage to fully sell this piece here, cause that declaration that they are the dark side to humanities joy is just a very chilling statement that provides a conclusion that you don't quite expect from the earlier build up cause that seems to be a little more innocent that this statement here. Overall, this makes for a pretty powerful little prologue here and I think I'd potentially want to read the rest of this story here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Well, it is very short for a proplogue. If that is all you plan on having, might I suggest using it as the beginning of your first chapter instead? However, if you plan on adding more to this, great start! One error: humanities should have an apostrophe. Remember, if you do decide to use this for your first chapter, you can always use *, --- , ...; there are a variety of marks to tell the reader you are moving to a different time. Overall, great job; I was really drawn in by your language.
Hi there =D
Even though this was quite short, and I mean short, I thought it said a lot. It says that our MC isn't like everyone and is possibly an outcast. There was a small error but other than that I didn't spot anything. Nice job, try to make the first chapter lengthy.
Grandison
Woah. Ha ha =] Very ominous beginning. Hope to read more into the plot and all once you have a bit more posted =]