Hello. ^_^ Saw this somewhere on the site and thought I'd pop in to share some comments. I'm Hannah, by the way. =D
First of all, do you know why you divided your work into stanzas? Personally, when I read it, I see absolutely no reason for you to have done so. There are a couple reasons that I've learned are appropriate for dividing into stanzas. Firstly, if you are following a strict form and the form requires a break, then of course you would break. You, however, are not following any sort of strict form that I can see, and if you are, I don't think you should be. The other reason for stanza-breaking would be a change in subjects.
I think that the most helpful thing anyone could do to improve their poetry, going back through it to try to make it better, would be to take it out of the line breaks and look at it in prose form. Seriously, this helps you use the correct punctuation and also makes sure that your sentences make sense when you're not distracted by line breaks in the middle of things. =]
Lastly, the message is nearly completely lost in the midst of these choppy stanzas. I get a vague sense of apologizing for something done wrong because the narrator is so inspired by the beauty around him/her, but that could be completely wrong. Try to pick a message to focus on and make sure it is alive throughout your poem.
Other than that, try some imagery or similes that will fit with that chosen message. Choose your words wisely and have them all fit into evoking the emotion that you want.
PM me if you have any questions and if you post a revised version of this or anything else you want reviewed! ^_^
-Hannah-
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