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Young Writers Society



Star Wars: Recollection P 1-10

by piepiemann22


(I shall be filming this movie with a large group of friends. I'll be sure to keep anyone interested up to date.)

(Page 1)

Fade in to space background

A white title appears

“A long time ago,

In a galaxy far far away,”

Fade title

A large yellow title appears

“Star Wars”

“Recollection”

Fade title

Credits begin rolling in from the bottom

“The Galaxy is at peace. With the defeat of the Empire at the hands of the Rebel Alliance the New Republic has begun to take shape. With the remnants of the Empire on the run the New Republic takes command over the known Galaxy.

The New Jedi Order set up by Master Luke Skywalker is flourishing. Padawans re taking the trials to becoming knights at younger and younger ages. The demand for Jedi is high with the reconstruction of the Republic and many eager young Jedi can’t wait to join the reconstruction effort.

During reconstruction the Republic has found a worm hole just outside the Mustafar System. It is a rare anomaly for it distorts space and time. Fearful of were it leads and the possibility of the remnants of the Empire finding it the Jedi Council sends a team to investigate.

The Worm hole lead to a planet…”

End title roll

Fade down to show a planet. Slowly zoom in on the planet until it nearly takes up the whole screen until words appear above the planet.

“A Planet called Earth.”

A sudden and extremely fast Zoom onto the planet where a forest is shown.

(Page 2)

Ext. Forest. Day.

Suddenly footsteps and panting is heard. Two people run across the camera with another passing by a short time afterward. We see them continuing to run until the we see there faces clearly. A boy (Jason Roberts, 17) and a girl (Rachel Wells, 16) are in front with another boy (Even Derins, 16) running behind.

Rachel trips, but Jason helps her to her feet and they keep running. Even is shown behind them stopping to catch his breath.

Even Derins

Wait for me! Don’t just leave me here!

He pants a bit more until he looks to the left and sees something.

Even Derins

Oh, Shit!

Reacting instantly he bolts to the right running as fast as he can. We see a dark figure follow him.

Cut to Jason and Rachel running. Rachel looks behind herself and notices Even isn’t there.

Rachel Wells

Oh no! Jason, Evens fallen behind!

Jason stops running, Rachel doing the same a moment latter. They are both panting heavily. Shaking his head Jason curses under his breath.

Jason Roberts

Damn. Rachel get out of here! I’m going back for Even.

Rachel Wells

But Jason that’s crazy, you’ll be kill…

She is cut off by Jason.

Jason Roberts

Enough! Get yourself out. I’ll be back with Even soon.

He smiles and nods at her. She nods back and continues running. Jason waits until he can’t see her to turn back. He thinks to himself.

(Page 3)

Jason Roberts

Hang in there Even. Don’t you quit on me now. Stay Alive!

Cut to Even. He is running down a path as hard as can until he trips. He slowly picks himself up. Once standing he turns to see another boy (Gerick, 17) standing in front of him. Even clenches his left fist and takes a swing, but his hand is caught. Gerick holds him with his right hand and with his left swings, a lightsaber hilt in his hand. He hits Even square in the face and knocks him down. He sits up wiping his mouth.

Even Derins

What…What do you want from me?

Gerick

What do I want from?

Gerick ponders a moment.

Gerick

I want for you to die.

He activates a red lightsaber.

Even Derins

What!? No!

Gerick slashes at him, the red beam taking up the screen. We hear Even scream as we fade back to behind a tree where Jason is stand panting. Scared out of his mind he stands frozen for a moment before whispering to himself.

Jason Roberts

I…I can’t believe…Even…no, no.

He clutches his head as he begins to freak out. It seems like he’ll go insane until a voice snaps him back to reality.

The camera moves back to where Even lay on the ground dead, Gerick standing over his body with a voice coming from of screen.

Kesatruss v/o

Hey Gerick, that you?

A boy (Kesatruss, 15) walks to stand near Gerick. Noticing the dead body he smiles.

(Page 4)

Kesatruss

Nice, you got one.

He looks around.

Kesatruss

Where uh, where are the other ones?

Gerick lowers his head in shame.

Gerick

The other two got away.

Kesatruss scratches his head and chuckles.

Kesatruss

Man oh man are we screwed. How the hell are we going to tell Darth Malice about this?

A voice is heard of screen.

Darth Malice v/o

Tell me what Kesatruss?

Enters Darth Malice, 19, along with two others, Tyrious, 15, and Luna, 17. Darth Malice moves in-between Gerick an Kesatruss to stands in front of the body. Gerick looks worried, but Kesatruss seems more relaxed.

Darth Malice

Where are the other two?

Gerick

They got away sir.

Kesatruss

Yeah, Gerick here appears to live up to his nick name of wide load.

Gerick is infuriated by that remark, but Darth Malice walkes in-between them again.

Darth Malice

Well Kesatruss, you’re not really one to talk now are you.

(Page 5)

Kesatruss looks away at this remark while Luna giggles at it.

Darth Malice

So Tyrious, what do you think will be their first move?

Tyrious ponder for a moment before answering.

Tyrious

My guess is finding a safe place to hide. If I were them that’d be top priority on my to-do list.

Darth Malice nods and turns his attention to Luna.

Darth Malice

Luna, have you found us a new place to stay yet?

Luna

I think so sir. There is a church in town that is not longer in use at the moment. We should be able to hid out there unnoticed.

Darth Malice

Very good. What do you say we settled in huh. We’ll also decide on a suitable punishment for you two.

He points to Gerick and Kesatruss. Luna laughs at the fact they are going to be punished and gives them an evil smile. Gerick gulps, but Kesatruss acts like he doesn’t care and starts walking.

Tyrious

What about the body sir?

Darth Malice takes a look at it then at Tyrious.

Darth Malice

No need to do anything. No one will find the body out here. Lets go.

The group begins to exit while the camera shifts to Jason who had been listening the whole time. He is sweating and has a look of terror on his face. He wait’s a moment before peeking around the tree. The group is gone and all that is left is Evens dead body. He quickly looks away and tries to calm himself down.

Jason Roberts

Get a grip on yourself Jason. You have a bigger responsibility now.

(Page 6)

He pushes off the tree and takes a few steps forward.

Jason Roberts

I’ve got to warn the Republic.

He takes off in a sprint.

Camera fades to black.

Screen focuses in space where a ship is shown flying by. The ship is freighter class. Zooming in the name

“Leviathan”

Is painted on the haul.

INT. Leviathan

Six young Jedi sit around a table. A few have drinks. On the table lays scattered papers. Liam Aarrons, a Jedi Knight at the age of 17, sits at the head of the table and begins speaking.

Liam Aarrons

So we all understand the mission correct?

A Jedi sitting to his right named Wolfgang, 17, tilts back in his chair and speaks in a thick German accent.

Wolfgang

I think so Liam, but I don’t understand what these strange clothes are for?

Wolfgang tugs at his shirt.

Wolfgang

They’re rather uncomfortable and they make me look ugly.

Zeryx, a Jedi, 18, stands against a wall and smiles.

Zeryx

Don’t worry Wolfgang, you don’t need those clothes to make you look ugly. Your face does that.

Wolfgang is infuriated by this remark and stands up.

(Page 7)

Wolfgang

Screw you Zeryx! You scruffy looking nerf herder!

Zeryx

Listen to you Wolfgang. The little pup trying to act top dog. It suits you.

Wolfgang

Why you sun of a…

Wolfgang moves to confront him, but is stopped by his fellow Jedi Fisk.

Fisk, 19, stands in front of Wolfgang and pushes him back.

Fisk

Calm down Wolfgang.

Wolfgang

Fisk? I never thought I’d see the day you’d defend a pig like Zeryx.

Jorran, a 14 year old Jedi padawan stands up and cries out.

Jorran

Come on guys stop it already! We’re on the same team so stop fighting already.

Jorran sits back down and sighs.

Fisk leads Wolfgang back to his seat and sends Zeryx a look telling him so stop.

Stepping forward Woo-Too, a 19 year old Jedi, putts his hand on Jorran’s Shoulder.

Woo-Too

Don’t worry Jorran. Let them bicker. I personally find it to be amusing.

Wolfgang

Stay out of this Wootarious.

Woo-Too

Why you inferior piece of…I’ve told you when you address me by my full name you are to call me Duke Wootarious. That or you may call me Woo-Too.

Zeryx walks over to stand by his friend Woo-Too.

(Page8)

Woo-Too

Nice man that was an awesome burn.

He raises for a high five which Zeryx agrees to.

Zeryx

I still can’t believe you like the name Woo-Too.

Woo-Too

Dude it’s an awesome name.

Fisk just shakes his head and sighs, Wolfgang looks severely pissed off, Liam putts his hands over his face.

Jorran

Why me?

Jorran slams his head down onto the table

Fisk

You know Zeryx, Wootarious, this situation is of the utmost importance. You should stop messing around already!

Liam

He’s right you guys. This mission is dire to the Republic. We are currently at crisis level 4, code orange. If the situation escalates anymore there is a very high possibility that a catastrophe will take place. Please, please try to take this a little more seriously hm?

Woo-Too nods sarcastically and Zeryx completely disregards what Liam said.

Zeryx

Ah what ever Liam. I really don’t care about all that. Just point me in the right direction and I’ll take care of the rest.

Zeryx activates one of his lightsabers just in front of Woo-Too’s face who steps back to avoid it.

Woo-Too

Watch it man. You’ll damage my perfect face.

(Page 9)

Zeryx

Oh, sorry dude.

Zeryx begins laughing, but his lightsaber soon taken from his hand and he his hit in the head with it.

Lieutenant Raridon walks on screen.

Lieutenant Raridon

You boys make so muck noise I can hear you all the way up in the cockpit.

Lieutenant Raridon tosses back Zeryx’s lightsaber. He then take a seat and leans back in it.

Lieutenant Raridon

I swear you kids are a hand full. I’m surprised you’re all Jedi Knights.

Jorran

Well sir, we are a dime a dozen. And, just so you know, I’m still just a padawan.

Lieutenant Raridon puts a hand on Jorran’s shoulder.

Lieutenant Raridon

Well I hear if this mission is successful you’ll be a knight in no time. Hang in there kid.

He pats Jorran on the back and turns to address Liam

Lieutenant Raridon

Won’t be long now till we reach the worm hole. ETA twenty minutes.

Zeryx

Good, space travel bores me. I want so excitement.

Wolfgang

Honestly Zeryx this isn’t a game. Could you at least act like you care?

Zeryx

That’s a funny statement coming from the guy who likes to lock himself in his room all day to play with holovids and navicomputers day.

Wolfgang snaps and make a move for Zeryx, but Fisk grapples him to stop him.

(Page 10)

Wolfgang

Let me at him, I’ll tare his bloody head off.

Wolfgang continues to struggle with Fisk while swearing in German. Zeryx and Woo-Too start laughing like no tomorrow.

Fisk

Wolfgang! Wolfgang calm down! And you two, stop laughing! You caused this! It’s all your fault!

Jorran

I give up.

Jorran slumps over the desk again as we move to Liam and Lieutenant Raridon. The fighting continues in the background.

Liam

It just never ends.

Lieutenant Raridon

Your quit the lively bunch now aren’t you?

Liam

I don’t know what I’d do without you lieutenant.

Lieutenant Raridon

Well that’s why I’m here. To keep an eye on you kids.

He is interrupted by the sound of a crashing chair.

Lieutenant Raridon

Hey, now that’s enough! I said that’s enough!

Lieutenant Raridon gets up an moves of screen towards the others leaving Liam the only one on the screen.

Liam

How’d I ever get caught up in this mess.

Flash Back.


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Thu Jun 04, 2009 9:24 pm
nixonblitzen wrote a review...



Hello, there. I have to say I was intrigued by this being a Star Wars screenplay.

My main question is, how authentically Star Wars is this supposed to be? Just mildly true to Star Wars, or 100%-could-be-Episode-VII authentic? If you are going for authenticity,
here are a few things that I don't think really mesh:

The demand for Jedi is high with the reconstruction of the Republic and many eager young Jedi can’t wait to join the reconstruction effort.
This is a bit informal. Perhaps you could say, "...many young Jedi eagerly join the reconstruction effort."

It is a rare anomaly for it distorts space and time.
I think this would sound more Star Wars-ish if it said, "It is a rare anomaly, distorting space and time."

Fade in to space background

A white title appears

“A long time ago,
In a galaxy far far away,”
In Star wars, this is in light blue letters on a plain black background.

Also, I found the following list of words rather un-Star Wars:
shit, damn, hell, we're screwed, screw you, dude (you'll notice there is very little cursing in Star Wars)

I know they're teenagers, but shouldn't Jedi knights be a bit more mature?

Moving on to nitpicks:

We see them continuing to run until the we see there faces clearly.
You used the wrong there/their/they're! Check your icon for the correct word.

Reacting instantly he bolts to the right running as fast as he can.
You need a comma after "right". You are missing commas in a lot of similar circumstances.

Oh no! Jason, Evens fallen behind!
This is possessive, so you need an apostrophe before the s.

Even Derins
What…What do you want from me?

Gerick
What do I want from?
I believe you've left out the word "you" here.

The camera moves back to where Even lay on the ground dead,
You have a few instances of subject-verb disagreement.

So overall:

I'm interested so far, but I don't really understand the plot yet. Here are my questions right now.

1. Who are Even, Rachel, & Jason? Just regular humans on earth? How do they know about the Republic?

2. Actually, other than that, my question is just: what's going on? I think I'd have to read more to understand how everything works.

So, pretty good so far, but again, I don't think it sounds all that much like Star Wars. Then you throw in things like "scruffy looking nerf herders" and navicomputers, & I just don't totally buy it. Plus, in my head, I pictured it as teenagers acting poorly on a shaky home video...
-Rachel





A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity.
— Franz Kafka