The Academy Prologue:

by phoenixgrl113

Published March 20, 2016

16+

In Stories

Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

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Once, a very long time ago, there was a magnificent kingdom in a very far away land. You won’t find this ancient kingdom in a history book though. No, this land, and all of it’s many secrets and inhabitants, was hidden from the eyes of human beings. Very few have heard of it’s existence, and even they had brushed it off as a mere fairy tale. This land, this beautiful, magnificent, magical land, was called Nevaeh.

The residents of Neveah, - Duolcs, as there were called- were not your average humans, though they may have looked it. Inside each and everyone of the Duolcs lied something great, something powerful. There were four different types of Duolcs -fire, air, water, and earth. Each had their strengths and weaknesses and each had a mythical protector.

The fire Duolcs were said to be the bravest throughout the kingdom. Their courage led them to the front line of every battle. Fire Duolcs were said to be hot headed as well. Their anger were often the cause of riots, battles, and even a few wars. Before going into battle, the fire Duolcs would pray to the dragons for protection and strength.

Air Duolcs were the wisest in Duolcs. The were very studious in their studies and often ended up working as clerks or astrologers. Air Duolcs, however, had a low tolerance for those who did not match their wits. Air Duolcs would begin each day by praying to the spirits of the winds for wisdom and protection.

The most beautiful in all of Neveah were said to be the water Duolcs. They loved to take pride in their appearance. Most water Duolcs worked in the shops, sewing clothes or making armor. Beauty is only skin deep, however. Water Duolcs were often cruel and looked down upon those they deemed unworthy of their beauty. They prayed to the water nymphs for blessing them with their beauty.

Earth Duolcs were mostly pleasant and playful. They loved helping out those in need, and were great with children. They often worked as teachers. However, they were also the cause of many pranks, something that irritated most other Duolcs. Earth Duolcs worshiped the Elves and their cunning ways.

Male Duolcs were often the rulers -or Emperors- of Neveah as it was rare that a female was born into the royal family. The first Empress in over a hundred years, was Maria Escittle, a fire Duolc. Her father, Emperor Duke, had wanted a son, but after Maria’s mother died, he knew it was impossible and therefore passed the title down to his daughter.

Maria ruled over her kingdom for many years. She was the greatest ruler the kingdom had ever seen. She was fair and just but not naive. She was brave and powerful, but not arrogant. For years the people and creatures of Neveah lived in peace under Maria’s rule, until Kalyla, Maria’s older cousin and an earth Duolc, created a rebellion.

Kalyla's father, Marson, had been emperor before Duke. Like Duke, Marson had only a daughter when he died. According to the laws of the land, Duke -being the only male descendant left- had the rightful claim to the throne. Once Duke died and Maria became Empress, Kalyla grew angry. She thought she deserved the title because Marson had ruled before Duke. Maria refused to turn over her crown, though.

Kalyla had threatened to overthrow Maria, resulting in her banishment from Naveah. For the years that followed, Kalyla lived in the surrounding forest, planning her takeover of Naveah. She had help in the form of her best friend, Janea, a water Duolc who worked as a royal dress maker. Janea fed Kalyla all of the information she came by in the castle.

It was through Janea that Kalyla learned of Maria’s marriage to Lyam, another fire Duolc and Kalyla’s former love. Slowly, Kalyla and Janea built a rebellion against Maria. Once Maria had started noticing her once faithful followers were now lying to her, she knew something was up. As a precaution Maria had asked the Elder Elf to make her a weapon that would defeat Kalyla.

The Elder Elf accepted Maria’s request. Using the tears of a mermaid, dragon’s fire, the north winds, and Maria’s own blood, the Elder Elf crafted the sword, promptly naming it Exscittleburg.

The battle between Maria and Kalyla did not last long. Unfortunately for both sides, there were casualties and deaths. In the end, Kalyla was defeated. Her dying words spoke of how she would one day have her revenge, cursing every male descendant of Maria’s.

Soon after Maria found out she was pregnant. Nine months later Prince Adion was born as an earth Duolc. Taking this as a bad sign, Maria once more visited the Elder Elf. Maria realized Exscittleburg was a powerful weapon and did not want it to fall into the wrong hands. The Elder Elf casted an enchantment on the sword, muting it’s power until the first female descendent of Maria’s was ready to wield it’s power.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
austinturtle
Review
austinturtle wrote a review Review · Mar 22, 2016

WELCOME TO YOUNG WRITERS' SOCIETY!!!!!!
I really liked the conflict between Kalyla and Maria. I think it is extremely justified and a good jump into the plot.

First off, I'd like to ask how the elements these Duolcs have are chosen? Is it genetics, like a fire Duolcs can only birth fire Duolcs? Or is it random?

Also, you describe Earth Duolcs to be very pleasant and friendly, which really contradicts to the nature you assign Kalyla. Also, I would like more description and development on how Kalyla was evil. Perhaps she is a murderer or extremely cruel and selfish.

Also, I don't think Adion being born as an Earth Duolc is necessarily a bad sign. You make Earth Duolcs sound like the most liked and fun Duolcs there are, so unless you give them a bad reputation, it wouldn't make much sense. I would also suggest that instead of being born a Duolc, they are born a normal human. That itself seems much more like a reprimand from a curse.

Another way you could take it is instead of Kalyla cursing the male descendants, she should curse the female ones. Or curses them all, especially the females. So that the male descendants are possibly just really bad rulers (maybe due to a common illness or something) and then the daughters are simply human. And the story could be about a human entering into the world of the Duolcs. And from there you can really talk about the Duolc world and the human world together.

Finally, when you write about the story, I would like to see all of these elements shown through action and description of their characters rather than explicitly saying it. That has always been a fundamental value for me in my writing and I think it makes our works better.

That's all I have to say! I'm a novice on this site as well, so feel free to hit me up and we can be novices together :3. Can't wait to read more of your works!

groganbabygirl wrote a review Review · Mar 21, 2016

Wow! I usually don't like fantasy, but wow. That was awesome. You have a couple of minor punctuation errors. Towards the beginning, you need to either pick commas or dashes, you don't need both.

I love the idea of each group of Duolcs being linked to an element. I also have a question about the last segment: why is it situated so far off? You can tell that it is going to be an important plot element, but the way it flows is a little awkward.

I cannot wait for this story!!! Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

Groganbabygirl

Thanks so much for this review. I appreciate the feedback. I did go back and change what you suggested. I do tend to use too many commas, so I'm always thankful when someone points that out. That last paragraph was supposed to be part of the paragraph above it, so I changed that as well. Hopefully it doesn't read as awkward now. I already have the first two chapters written, plus this prologue, so chapter one should be up soon. Oh, and thanks for taking the time to read this, especially since you don't like fantasy :)

User avatar
JediDeadpool
Review
JediDeadpool wrote a review Review · Mar 21, 2016

Welcome to Young Writers Society! Glad to have you here!
After reading this, my first thought was "Wow... this is going to be a great book!!!"

Just reading this prologue I'm super excited to read the rest.
Although the whole, "elemental beings that effect the world" IS a popular theme, it's popular for a reason; there's so much you can do with it! I think this is something special however.
I have a couple questions, mainly are there other humans besides the Duolcs? And do those other people really matter in the book?

As for the grammaticism, great. No spelling flaws.

You put in lots of details in your prologue that you are going to be able to build off of later in the book, that's really good!

I am curious about the last segment, why is it spaced so far off of the rest of the story? Also it doesn't seem to go chronologically with the rest of the story. Also, in the next to last segment you seemed to be building towards her going to the Elder Elf about the 'unlucky' child, what happened there?! *grumble grumble* well, I guess I'll just have to wait for the rest of the book haha

As always, this is Watchdog1324, and I hope you have great adventures here in YWS!
(Also feel free to message me if you eve want to just bounce ideas off of someone. Might come in handy :P (plus I wouldn't mind getting sneak peeks at the book hahah))

Thank you for the feedback and the welcome. That last segment, wasn't supposed to be seperated, so I did go back and fix that. So for your question about 'are there other humans besides Duolcs', yes there are, just not living in Nevaeh. Also, Maria wasn't going to the Elder Elf about the 'unlucky child', but about Escittleburg. Since her first born was an earth Duolc, like Kalyla, she didn't want the sword to fall into the hands of an evil ruler. I'd like to say more, but I don't want to give anything away. Also, this was just the prologue, to give a little insight about the history of Nevaeh and it's inhabitants. The story will mostly revolve around Maria's first female descendant, who you will meet in the next chapter. :)



worlds buzz over us like bees, / we be splendid in new bones.
— Lucille Clifton