We hardly know each other but I feel like we have known each forever and I like you a lot
The way you walk, the way you talk and your beautiful smile that can light up the darkest of days
I may be mean sometimes but only because I don't don't want to be hurt again...
My feelings for you are as deep as the Pacific Ocean
There is no way to describe it it feels nicer than love although I'm not sure if there is anything more beautiful than love
If you would feel the same way I might show you this one day if not I'll still feel the same way. These feelings will always exist like the stars in the night sky
I love your angelic grace, it's never out of place
Like a rose that hasn't blossomed yet, beautiful but not embracing it's full potential
Maybe you're afraid but the day will come when you will overcome that fear and bloom
Becoming the prettiest rose anyone has ever seen
Hopefully you would belong to me because no matter how many roses come they will all swiftly fade
Except for you you're the only one I care for you will never fade nor age in my eyes you will always be divine
My respect, my appreciation... my love for you will never die
If you don't love me yet I know, I dearly hope you will some day
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139,531 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
Hey there! I'm here to review!
I noticed that overall, this is a very emotional poem more than practical. I have noticed that the cordial approach to your emotions drew me forward.
Now I'd like to talk about one line in particular. In the line
"There is no way to describe it it feels nicer than love although I'm not sure if there is anything more beautiful than love,"
I felt that the poetic structure was broken up, and it felt more like just someone speaking, not even poeticizing. Good work overall, but please try to make it clearer and more poetic in the future.
-ZeldaIsShiek
Hey there philip17. I'm trying to clear at the green room a bit and decided to just start at the beginning. Anyways it's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.
I'm trying out the new idea of just spending fifteen minutes on reviews so I won't be here for very long.
First Lines, First Thoughts
1. You sort of have stanzas here and there but the formatting is a bit funky. Considering you have the single line spaces and your YWS age, you either pasted a document into the publishing center or you know the shift/enter trick. That's why I'm just going to go with the guess that not separating the lines was intentional. Really I think you should break them up a bit more but I'll get to that if I have time.
2.
~Your opening line is really wordy and not very attractive to the reader. You can always tell a lot about a work just from the first line because it reveals the writer's style. So far I'm not liking your style but that probably has some basis in my distaste for romantic poetry.
~The lines say to me either unrequited love or mistaken love. Also who says 'I like you a lot' while writing love poetry? I thought these things were normally trying to impress a girl, not just use simple terms and basically slang. The entire poem is a mixture of styles, going back from formal to informal, which to me as a reader is bothersome.
Emotions
1. Let's talk about the emotion that the reader gathers from the text. I personally found nothing to draw but gathering emotions from a writing is not my best skill. I don't really see any spots that would trigger emotion in a normal person, just some mild love. It sounds more like something written by a sappy Hallmark writer rather than someone who has lost love or wants to gain it.
2. The imagery surrounding the emotional parts is a bit off too. 'deep as the Pacific Ocean' just doesn't seem like a very good comparison to me. It seems like the exact opposite of something that you want in a very romantic poem. Unless she's an oceanographer in which that would make complete sense.
Final Thoughts
1. All I'm trying to say is that this was written as a romantic-ish poem but there's nothing about it that makes me think love poem. In some spots, it is completely serious and formal and nice and pretty. Then in other spots it drops in quality, making me lose my attention and have to go back to the top. I actually didn't make it all the way through your poem before my time was up because it was so distracting.
2. Don't know if you wrote this for an actual girl/guy or not but you might want to work on it a bit before sending it. And if this was completely fictitious then just ignore and go back to living in your nice little world.
Okay I'm going to go now because my fifteen minutes of reviewing are up. If you have any questions about this review, message me in the chat bar or pm.
Have a nice day
~Lizz