Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Other » Mystery / Suspense

E - Everyone

the assassin

by philip, me


Ice created a thin film the inside of her bedroom windows. She started shivering even before her feet touched the frozen floorboards. Resisting the urge to curl into a ball of warmth.

She knew she had to get ready soon but the chains wrapped around her ankles dragged her to the end of the bed. Scraping against her skin the weight of fatigue produced the same shade that lay beneath the bags of her eyes. Her eyes fixated on the wall and as she stared into nothingness she was suddenly pulled back into reality by the continuous knocking at the door that held a slightly impatient tone. Tying the laces on her high heels, she stumbled down the stairs, already feeling the slight sensation of drunk- ness she was destined to encounter later, she eventually answered the door. There stood her taxi driver, dressed in fancy dress, the cheap kind you get from the charity shop in a hurry and she chuckled as he described the events in which he came to find his outfit, whilst opening the taxi door. The minute they pulled up to the party, her stomach was infected with nerves and she could feel her hands tremble as she unbuckled her purse to find her dark red lipstick.

Entering the party, her eyes struggled to find something to focus on, but she could barely see through her masquerade mask so it didn’t make much difference. Two staircases, coated in marble lead up to the second floor of the house where people stood, sipping their champagne glasses and lightly chuckling about the expenses of capitalism or their taxes. Servants dressed in red waistcoats waltzed around the open dining hall, delicately shuffling silver platters of salmon and cream between their fingertips.

You could sense they looked well presented and joyful nevertheless, they had tired souls behind them, but forced to keep them hidden. Adjusting her dress, she felt a cold hand on her back and as she turned around her eyes were locked with deep green pools, hidden beneath a black and gold mask. Lost in his eyes, he pulled out a tiny, black, shiny vial, slipping a couple pills in her drink. Going bright red, which was luckily covered by her mask and she watched the mysterious figure disappear into the crowd of ballroom dancers and laughter.

Overwhelmed with the sensation of the dance floor, she stumbled outside for a gasp of fresh air and there he was. Standing there. His eyes pierced through hers. There was a slightly uncomfortable feeling of awkwardness between them two and she tried to leave by grasping the red curtain, leading her back into the dance floor but felt his hand tightly grab her wrist. What was once a comforting look in his eyes, now looked deceitful and slightly evil. As her vision blurred and tears stung her eyes like hornets to the cornea, she collapsed to the floor and faintly heard him chuckling as he taunted her with a bag of pills. His menacing laugh echoed through her swollen ears and sent cold shivers down her spine. The hairs on her arms stood up, awoken by the poisoned blood that was shooting through her veins beneath them and she lost all feeling her fingers.

She laid helpless on the ground as she watched the man re-enter the party. Slipping a smile under his mask, grabbed a salmon bite whilst subtly wiping his fingers with disinfectant. They simultaneously shared her last breath ,whilst she lay unconscious on the ground.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
2178 Reviews


Points: 233470
Reviews: 2178

Donate
Wed Jun 09, 2021 5:00 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well...this was quite a fun little story here, it just really flowed through nicely, depicting an assassination in action without any other thing really interfering, I really liked this one. Its so simple, and it sticks to that simple idea really well.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Ice created a thin film the inside of her bedroom windows. She started shivering even before her feet touched the frozen floorboards. Resisting the urge to curl into a ball of warmth.


Hmm...interesting little start here....certainly gives off an interesting vibe with that opening right there, its like the ice is almost out to get her there and well its certainly an interesting image to be starting off with.

She knew she had to get ready soon but the chains wrapped around her ankles dragged her to the end of the bed. Scraping against her skin the weight of fatigue produced the same shade that lay beneath the bags of her eyes. Her eyes fixated on the wall and as she stared into nothingness she was suddenly pulled back into reality by the continuous knocking at the door that held a slightly impatient tone. Tying the laces on her high heels, she stumbled down the stairs, already feeling the slight sensation of drunk- ness she was destined to encounter later, she eventually answered the door. There stood her taxi driver, dressed in fancy dress, the cheap kind you get from the charity shop in a hurry and she chuckled as he described the events in which he came to find his outfit, whilst opening the taxi door. The minute they pulled up to the party, her stomach was infected with nerves and she could feel her hands tremble as she unbuckled her purse to find her dark red lipstick.


Hmm...well that looks like a very interesting morning routine there. You've certainly used a lot of interesting comparisons to really bring out the actions that are happening here, especially the chains around her ankles part was pretty cool. It really gets you a sense that she's doing something that perhaps she doesn't quite want to, or she's just really nervous and would rather spend her morning curled up in bed than going where this is. Its very clear that whatever this party is, that's not quite where she wants to be. Well, let's see where this is headed I suppose.

Entering the party, her eyes struggled to find something to focus on, but she could barely see through her masquerade mask so it didn’t make much difference. Two staircases, coated in marble lead up to the second floor of the house where people stood, sipping their champagne glasses and lightly chuckling about the expenses of capitalism or their taxes. Servants dressed in red waistcoats waltzed around the open dining hall, delicately shuffling silver platters of salmon and cream between their fingertips.


Hmm, definitely seems like a very fancy party there, interesting setting at any rate, really gets you wondering exactly what kind of party this might be. The description does have a faint touch of humor to it as well, when it describes the fancier aspects of the party and well, that's a lovely touch, always happy to run into things like that.

You could sense they looked well presented and joyful nevertheless, they had tired souls behind them, but forced to keep them hidden. Adjusting her dress, she felt a cold hand on her back and as she turned around her eyes were locked with deep green pools, hidden beneath a black and gold mask. Lost in his eyes, he pulled out a tiny, black, shiny vial, slipping a couple pills in her drink. Going bright red, which was luckily covered by her mask and she watched the mysterious figure disappear into the crowd of ballroom dancers and laughter.


Hmm, well, this is certainly a very interesting talk on these things. Showing the sort of behind the scenes of a fancy party like this where it appears that the people there are all just tired and feeling as horrible as she is, but everyone wants to appear at their best in these situations. Now the pills, I have no idea quite what is going on there. I assume it might be that she's going red as she's distracted by his eyes...and he's doing the pill slipping discretely, at least I hope so, cause someone slipping pills randomly in your drink doesn't sound like something that's going to cause blushing.

Overwhelmed with the sensation of the dance floor, she stumbled outside for a gasp of fresh air and there he was. Standing there. His eyes pierced through hers. There was a slightly uncomfortable feeling of awkwardness between them two and she tried to leave by grasping the red curtain, leading her back into the dance floor but felt his hand tightly grab her wrist. What was once a comforting look in his eyes, now looked deceitful and slightly evil. As her vision blurred and tears stung her eyes like hornets to the cornea, she collapsed to the floor and faintly heard him chuckling as he taunted her with a bag of pills. His menacing laugh echoed through her swollen ears and sent cold shivers down her spine. The hairs on her arms stood up, awoken by the poisoned blood that was shooting through her veins beneath them and she lost all feeling her fingers.


Ah yes, the pills do appear to be a sort of Chekov's gun then. I suppose the pills were only for the readers to see, and well, that's the assassin I suppose, it appears she has been lured out of the party by those eyes and now its far too late for her to do anything as the poison begins to take effect and she's pretty much starting to die here I suppose. That's a pretty neat little assassination, I love how sleek and smooth the whole thing goes with no undue chaos happening. That's how you know this is a properly professional job, and well its a fun scene...well, not fun the lady involved, but its an interesting scene.

She laid helpless on the ground as she watched the man re-enter the party. Slipping a smile under his mask, grabbed a salmon bite whilst subtly wiping his fingers with disinfectant. They simultaneously shared her last breath ,whilst she lay unconscious on the ground.


Aaaand, so it ends. I think this is a really fitting ending here for a story with this kind of title, and yeah, I just love the assassination job honestly. Its just really well done. Its smooth, it flows through really, really well and its hidden really well. Just a lovely little short this one.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, just a lovely little story this one. Honestly, that's all I have to say here. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry



Random avatar
philip says...


thank you!



HarryHardy says...


You're Welcome!!



User avatar
350 Reviews


Points: 23729
Reviews: 350

Donate
Tue Jun 08, 2021 11:16 am
Dossereana wrote a review...



Hi Dossereana here to do a review on this peace of yours. So let's get right into it shell we.

You could sense they looked well presented and joyful nevertheless, they had tired souls behind them, but forced to keep them hidden. Adjusting her dress, she felt a cold hand on her back and as she turned around her eyes were locked with deep green pools, hidden beneath a black and gold mask. Lost in his eyes, he pulled out a tiny, black, shiny vial, slipping a couple pills in her drink. Going bright red, which was luckily covered by her mask and she watched the mysterious figure disappear into the crowd of ballroom dancers and laughter.


Oh now then who is this man, and why did he just put pills into her drink. Hm suspicions are rising. Because you have named this assassin me is thinking at this point that he is the assassin. I will just have to wait and find out.

As her vision blurred and tears stung her eyes like hornets to the cornea, she collapsed to the floor and faintly heard him chuckling as he taunted her with a bag of pills. His menacing laugh echoed through her swollen ears and sent cold shivers down her spine. The hairs on her arms stood up, awoken by the poisoned blood that was shooting through her veins beneath them and she lost all feeling her fingers.


Oh no the pills are killing her, well that's not good, this evil man what did she ever do to him. what was the reason to this murder that he just committed. Me is wondering a lot of questions.

Well that's all I can say, this was really well written and I so enjoyed reading it. I hope to here more from you in the future. :)

I hope you have a great day/night witch ever side of the world your on.

@Dossereana Flying Over The Green Room And Spreading Shards Of Encouragement



Random avatar
philip says...


thank you!




No spring nor summer beauty hath such grace as I have seen in one autumnal face.
— John Donne