Published December 31, 2010
@)!)
Another year, another day,
Time passes by ever faster,
In an ever-sickening display.
Head weak, knees buckling,
The immense weight of existence,
Borne for what purpose?
To love, to languish,
All the days of our lives?
Causing such strife and feuds
Breaking to pieces
what once was whole
Now leading innocent lives
Into a death must certain foretold
To serve, to strive
For the well-being of other men,
The world a better place
Generations to come
Accustomed to a better world
Standard mesh and lace
To seize, to frolic,
Day in and day out
Unconcerned with our voice,
To the world, ever vitriolic
Only our needs concerned
Only with needs metabolic,
Alcoholic…
Is that all this life
Amounts to in the end?
How insignificant our lives are
Having an effect, we cannot pretend.
Are we simply pawns,
Upon the mighty chessboard
Where Jehovah almighty resides
Our every action and thought,
Not even to our own accord
All of our fates,
Delicately intertwined like thread,
Where we go, what we do,
Already slaughtered and dead.
Immense weight of existence,
Unstoppable flow of time
Fight may you with great persistence
Though what end results
Is unknown of life’s climb
While little of this life,
We can possibly ever understand,
Live it we must,
Coping with its growing demand
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138,673 Literary Works • 672,209 Reviews
Oooh. hehe; I never would have guessed what @)!) would have meant. Thanks for clearing that up. It was very creative I must admit; and you were right. The only reason I opened this post in the first place was because of the title.
Looks like you really thought this through, deep!TabbyGirl/Ziggiefred
Yeah...I agree that that stanza was probably I bit overdone. I'm not exactly sure what I was aiming and the point that I was trying to make. I'll probably go back and revise it so that it flows more coherently. Vitriolic just means harsh in tone or timbre.
I think that I was sorta doing this as a stream of consciousness idea...so I started off with a different idea, and as I wrote it, I ended up writing different ideas. I originally was just going to write about the year in retrospect...but ending up questioning why we are here.
With the line "coping with its growing demand," I was aiming for increased responsibilities in life especially with the onset of aging and whatnot.
And @)!) is just the symbols on the same keys as 2010. I thought it would just be more attention grabbing and intriquing.
Thanks for your input, and happy new year!
Hello there and welcome to YWS!
This stanza more especially was a bit overdone. Also, I felt that rhyming kind of restricted you in certain areas. I mean some of your ideas do not connect at all.I really liked your poem. However, as I was reading it, I could not help but feel that the rhyming was a bit forced at some points.
I do commend you for rhyming all through out the poem though.
Keep writing and Good luck!
~Happy New Year
I must tell you, after reading this I just sort of went like, "...whoah."
I saw no one had reviewed it yet, and I decided I'd just check it out, but seriously dude, this rocked.
It wasn't cliche, it flowed well as I read it...except for this one stanza...
I think my main issue was I didn't know the green words... but besides this one I loved each of the stanzas.
It seems you put a lot of effort into this poem, and it sounds pretty deep to me.
Quick question: the green line, are you refering here to the constantly growing population of Earth? Yeah, that worries me...
Great job on the poem!... although I have no idea what "@(!(" means... heheh
--
Tabby