Was just another normal day at shool nothing new forYugi Motu.
Yugi: jeez,i wish that i was good enough to play basket balllike those guys do. Its not fair i'm so small...
*from a distance* oh come on
Yugi:What was that?
*the door opens*
Joey:Really yugi come onnnnn! you can play just as well ...*thinking* even tho your so short....*
Yugi:JOEY!!! thats not funny thats real mean...
Joey:I'm sorry buddy *as he grabs him*
Yugi: OW OW OW !!!! that hurts dont!
Honda: ya come on *as he walks through the open door*
Yugi:HONDA!!! *as he leeps to him*
Honda:Ok ok i see you Yugi bearly hahahaha
Joey:Hey i cant my short jokes but you can ehhhh what a world *with an sick face*
???: Hey stop that
Yugi:huh oh OH SHADIE YAY *Yugi's girlfriend*
Shade: hey Yugi-bear :3 *she says with a smile and then kisses him*
Yugi:heh *blushes badly*
Joey:Oy -.-'
Honda:Awwww
Joey:I still don't know what you find so cute about Yugi here *he says with a laugh*
Yugi:HEY DX
Shade:Ohh i love him *with a smile*
Yugi:HAHAHAHAHA 
TAKE THAT JOEY
Shade:Ok Ok OK jeez,Calm down boys jeez so,Yugi hows the puzzle coming??
Yugi:Oh right well not that great its becoming a real challnge....:\
Shade:Oh sorry i asked but hey, you'll get it one day i know it!
Yugi:Thanks *kisses her on the cheek*
Joey:EWWWWWW stop it!
Honda:Jeez shut up Joey -.-let them beit's young love *as he hits Joey*
Joey:OWOWOWOWOWWWWW!PEOPLE.STOP.HITTING.ME!!!!
*All laughing*
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,008 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okayy....these little directions are slightly confusing, considering this is in the novel category I'd advise doing away with those stage directions and using some actual description to show people moving from place to place cause as it is its a bit confusing to follow and while the conversation is decent, the lack of knowing what's happening around it serves to make the situation much worse than it should be.
Okayy....well...that went through kind of fast, I feel like perhaps this would make sense if it was a situation where thes directions were a bit more straightforward, but as it is, it feels like that second person just comes a little bit out of nowhere.
Aaand this ending doesn't improve too much on the slight sense of confusion that just follows you around in this piece. I really think this is a good scene, the dialogue here is really well done, its just that these directions don't quite paint a sufficient picture here about what's going on and there's a few formatting issue throughout that don't help. This just needs a solid rewrite here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
This story is really good. You showed great connections between the characters. I did notice some typos and such, but those don't matter a whole lot. The story quality seems fine too. Overall, you did great.
Wow! I truly did forget about YU-Gi-Oh. Thanks for bringing him back from MY forgotten memory. I think that my favorite part in this dialogue is:
I'll have to go and watch YU-Gi-Oh again. I like the very first one the best, not the newer ones that are "altered". Thanks so much!
Wow! I truly did forget about YU-Gi-Oh. Thanks for bringing him back from MY forgotten memory. I think that my favorite part in this dialogue is:
I'll have to go and watch YU-Gi-Oh again. I like the very first one the best, not the newer ones that are "altered". Thanks so much!
Wow! I truly did forget about YU-Gi-Oh. Thanks for bringing him back from MY forgotten memory. I think that my favorite part in this dialogue is:
I'll have to go and watch YU-Gi-Oh again. I like the very first one the best, not the newer ones that are "altered". Thanks so much!
Wow! I truly did forget about YU-Gi-Oh. Thanks for bringing him back from MY forgotten memory. I think that my favorite part in this dialogue is:
I'll have to go and watch YU-Gi-Oh again. I like the very first one the best, not the newer ones that are "altered". Thanks so much!
Wow! I truly did forget about YU-Gi-Oh. Thanks for bringing him back from MY forgotten memory. I think that my favorite part in this dialogue is:
I'll have to go and watch YU-Gi-Oh again. I like the very first one the best, not the newer ones that are "altered". Thanks so much!