The chill outside feels like winter
My days, while so short, are filled with night
I wonder when we’re gone where will we go
After returned back to dust
I sat in the passenger’s seat while twilight surrounded us
Then walked where sunlight was and watched it break through the dew and residue of night
Friends gathered around in our home on Monday nights
Friends gathered in spare classrooms
Meeting for dinner on the corner down the street
Their faces are all intriguing
Their eyes are all bright
You are a sort of blue
A calming blue that breaks like waves that spray
Down long eyelashes
You are a sort of flower
And of eyes, mine are swimming
With all the colors that adorn you
Like roses and violets, and lavenders
These things won’t whisper and fade with days
Each petal drops form my eyes, brimming with them
While angels kiss with thick, auburn hair, or luminescent brunets, and brilliant blond curls
Sunlight plays upon our faces
Lost in Halcyon days
We are restless; though our arms are outwards reaching, our eyes are already resting
Amid quiet bird calls and subtle sunlight
We are kissing
. . .
I only want to feel this way forever
Reaching towards the place haze makes a crystal film of sunlight
I say, this won’t last forever
They’re like the leaves of an unripe fruit
They are the end of my Halcyon days
Goosebumps.
Some of your word choices are excellent.
Some have great imagery.
Some are very eloquent.
"With all the colors that adorn you
Like roses and violets, and lavenders"
"Amid quiet bird calls"
I like.
Question:
"Each petal drops... *form or from?
I think the layout of the poem can be worked upon.
Rather than:
Sunlight plays upon our faces
Lost in Halcyon days
We are restless; though our arms are outwards reaching, our eyes are already resting
Amid quiet bird calls and subtle sunlight
We are kissing
...
Consider:
Sunlight plays upon our faces
Lost in Halcyon days
We are restless; though our arms are
Outwards reaching,
Our eyes are already resting
Amid quiet bird calls and subtle sunlight
We are kissing
I think there are several sections that can be broken down
to make the overall look of the poem seem...
more appealing?
Just a thought.