It was a lovely night,
midnight.
I was dressed in my best.
A lovely red silk dress.
Now, my beloved,
our midnight waltz.
Our grace-full movements;
they are copied by our shadows.
We smile,
for we wish our waltz would last till' morning.
However,
tomorrow night we shall repeat;
our midnight waltz.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hi.
I thought this was a gorgeous poem!
I love how you effectively created a mood of romance while being able to sustain the essence of mysteriousness. This definitely reminded me of a scene out of F. Scott Fitzgerald's the Great Gatsby.
The only problem (which really wasn't a problem more of my OCD)
was when you did this:
Our grace-full movements;
they are copied by our shadows.
it seemed to loose a bit of the flow but other than that this was perfection!
~karina
Hi,
I would first like to say that I liked your poem. It was short and simple. Just like trying to relive a piece of memory. I liked the tone of your poem too, it was calm right from the beginning with the use of:
"It was a lovely night"
It sent my mind travelling to a cool moonlight night. I also liked the sense of nostalgia that went with the poem, describing the "red silk dress".
And for the nitpick, I only have just one which is that towards the end, the rhythm of the poem seemed to become choppy, and didn't have enough flow, mostly starting from:
" We smile,
for we wish our waltz would last till' morning.
However,
tomorrow night we shall repeat;
our midnight waltz. "
But overall, I think you did a good job with the poem. Trying to portray two lovers who glide gracefully through the night.
I hope I did a fairly good job with the review. And do keep up the good work
Best,
Armydah
Hey, Chips here to review!
I really enjoyed reading your poem, it had an ambience of nostalgia, it reminded me of the 1920s-40s era which was insightful. It was interesting and different. It also has good imagery used so well done on that.
However there is always room for improvements, so I have some suggestions for you.
"It was a lovely night,
midnight.
I was dressed in my best.
A lovely red silk dress."
This was a good, light opening. But I feel some of the sentences finish abruptly and should be written more complexly as oppose to simple at some points.
"Our grace-full movements;
they are copied by our shadows."
Grammatical error here, "grace-full", should be written as, *graceful*. The second line I just a slight issue of how it was written, its a good idea but I would have prefered it to be expressed along the lines of.. "our shadows mirrored our movements or our shadows danced as one with us.." something like that, otherwise its fine.
Overall a nice poem, Keep writing. I hope this review helped!
--Chips
Thank you for the review. I appreciate it. Have a lovely day!
Hello! Unique here for a review!
I love that this is full of description and imagery, and it helps the reader feel more involved. For me, it made me feel peaceful...
I would just say that in the part where you said, "Our grace-full movements; they are copied by our shadows..." I would of used a stronger word instead of copied, for example mimicked. You don't have to change it if you don't want it's just what I feel. Also in those two lines I would take out the "they". Maybe that's how it is how it is supposed to be in the type of poem you are doing, but to me it just sounds a little choppy and awkward.
Keep writing more! I want to read them!
Welcome to YWS by the way! Do more reviews to earn points!
Hello there! Welcome to YWS, by the way.
This is a pretty nice poem, but I do have some suggestions.
As the previous reviewer pointed out, the rhythm is a bit choppy in some places. Also, you don't seem to have much in the way of a rhyme scheme. The words "best" and "dress" mostly rhymed, but that was about it. I was expecting a bit more rhyme and rhythm, to be honest, especially since the poem is about a waltz. You might benefit from making it feel more rhythmic and smooth.
Also, the poem doesn't really interest me. It doesn't have any figurative language, so it's not very poetic-sounding. You could spice it up, throw in a simile or a metaphor in a few spots. This might make it more interesting to us readers.
These lines are some of the choppier ones. Instead of just saying, "we want it to last 'till morning," you can be more descriptive. I didn't really feel much emotion while reading this. You could talk about how the speaker and her dance partner long to dance forever, or something along the lines of that.
That being said, this poem was nice to read, and I did enjoy these lines here:
I like how you pointed out the shadows there. It's a very nice bit of imagery.
Overall, this poem could use some improvement, but it was fairly enjoyable to read.
Keep on writing!
Hello, fruit4you here! Ok now onto the review, It had really great imagery. I did think that the poem's rhythm was a little bit choppy. Maybe you meant to do that, but that's just what I think. When you said "grace-full" was that for emphasis?
I wish you well.
Again The imagery was great! Overall it was very good. Also maybe instead of having the entire poem on the left margin move it to the middle. That way it is more pleasing to the eye, after all poetry is art.