The Animals Within

by penguinduan1

Published July 4, 2012

In Changed

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         Long ago, when the world had been covered in trees and filled with animals coexisting with humans, a boy was born. Gray-eyed and dark-haired, he was a typical boy of his village. His name was Garreth, a name common for this place in this time. But the birthmark etched into his wrist was not. A black feather, as permanent and peculiar as can be. The villagers left it to be a birthmark that just had a striking resemblance to a feather. But the mark was not only skin-deep. Hid inside his soul, in the very depths of his being, lived an animal. A hungering animal that wished to be let out. And so it was. When this boy turned the age five, he found himself to have an extraordinary ability. He could become a raven, as black as night and as real as anything. The day he showed his parents was the day they rid him of their house. Decades later, a crown rest on his head and a throne sat beneath him. He became the King of Gracia.

 

 

      Annalia sat, humming to herself, watching the sun descend. The setting and rising of the sun always brought happiness to her. The vivid pinks, oranges, reds, and purples slowly turned to dark. She sat there, touching her right wrist. The marking of a feather embedded into her skin.

She heard a rustles behind her and sensed the steps of another of the Anirits, the name given to those who possessed the power of the animals.

     “Samuelin, you need not sneak up on me.” Annalia sighed as he sat down beside her.

     “Anna, you know that it is impossible to do so anyways. I only meant to not disturb you.” Samuelin lifted her hand to kiss it.

     “Sam… You puzzle me sometimes.”

     “And why might that be?”

     “Oh, nothing Sam. Nothing.”

     They sat in silence as the sun disappeared and the faint, silvery glow of the moon replaced the sun’s warm light. It would be a long walk home from this hillside, but who said she had to walk home? She rolled onto her feet and brushed off the stray pieces of grass stuck to her clothing. She could feel the animal stir inside of her and her mind opened the walls. Within moments, her arms became wings and her toes became talons. Silvery white feathers covered her now-small body. She glanced at Sam to find that he too had Changed. She, now and owl, flew into the sky, followed by a hawk.

     Sam’s speed exceeded her own and within a few wingbeats, he caught up with her. He spoke into her mind.

Anna.

Yes, Sam?

Promise to be safe when I leave.

I am not that prone to danger, Samuelin.

Just promise, Anna.

I promise, although I still do not know why you worry for me.

Either way, thank you.

 

    Anna’s mind closed and allowed no more words to be exchanged. Samuelin would be leaving their town of Marriott to visit his family in another kingdom. While Anna and Sam resided in the kingdom of Grace, Sam’s kin lived to the East, in Natica. Sam’s aunt had fallen ill and his mother’s belly was swollen with new life. Though she did not show it, Annalia was terrified to know Samuelin was leaving. He was the only other Anirit in Marriott, meaning the only other living thing willing to be within twenty feet of her.

     He would not be back for a month and a half, arriving on the twenty-third of April. The twenty-third day of each month was the day that all Anirits changed into their forms unwillingly. The ones with more savage animals were forced to lock themselves up in order to protect others from themselves.

     Anirits were hard to come by. Anna only knew of herself, Sam, an old man from the next town over, and of course, the Fair King of Gracia. The moment Anna’s mother saw the Black Feather – as Anna and Sam had named it – she disowned her. Some people could still not accept the existence of Anirits. It was unnatural for a human being to be anything but a human being. No one knows why the Fair King could turn into a raven, but all of Gracia came to accept that he was the most honest and the wisest ruler to have come upon the kingdom. His skills seemed to have been passed down, all the way to the current King – King Nairon.

     The magic of the Anirits was seen as a disease to those without the powers, but it was still magic, a useful tool against unsuspecting enemies. The power spread from person to person through even the briefest exposures. Not all people could be an Anirit though. You must have the capacity in your soul to wield such a strong force. Few could live the life of an Anirit. Although the main power of the Anirits was of the ability to Change, they could also See. They could See thoughts and feelings of others. They could also Speak into one’s mind and command your intentions. Not many chose to Speak, for it required great amounts of energy which few had, and so it was a rare occurrence.

     Annalia had done it only once in her life. She had been seven years old at the time. The town had been buzzing with gossip of a new boy who had travelled here. They said that he always seemed to wear long-sleeves, even though it reached the temperature where most had to splash water upon their skin to keep from burning. She thought this odd for a boy, but not odd for an Anirit in hiding. She followed the boy to the plaza at the center of the town. She wanted to confirm her suspicions, so she attacked his mind.

Come to me. She commanded his mind, but the barricade protecting his brain was impenetrable. Sam had then whirled around to face her, eyes wide in shock.

Stop. Sam had told her. It was more of a request than a command, and it was obvious to Anna that he was a newcomer to this practice.

Are you like me? Annalia questioned. She no longer fought to control his intentions.

Silence.

Yes.

Why do you hide from me?

Why not?

Because you and I are alike. We should stick together.

What’s your name?

Annalia, but if you’re going to get to know me, call me Anna. And yours?

Samuelin. Sam. The rough voice of his mind was quite unlike the one coming out of his mouth at that second.

     “A-Anna, the people are staring.” His voice was soft and gentle and Anna found herself looking around. They had probably been standing there for too long a time, eyes locked as they conversed in their minds. The villagers grew finicky and began to whisper and murmur amongst themselves. She nodded once and strode away, willing for him to flee the scene too. Anirits did not like to draw attention to themselves, and this was not a time to break that.

     After her quick departure, Annalia did not expect to see Samuelin again so soon. Just the day after the incident in the plaza, she walked onto the main street to find people throwing rocks and jeering at a small, huddled figure. One prod of his mind revealed that it was indeed the shy Anirit from before. She grabbed hold of the minds of the attackers and screamed.

HOW DARE YOU? HOW DARE YOU HURT A LITTLE BOY? MAY SHAME BE UPON YOU!

     After hearing this, the people fled, not daring to sneak a glance at Annalia. Her fists were clenched at her sides and her lips were pursed in a tight thin line. She relaxed once she realized that they were gone and would not hurt Sam. She went over to where he gaped at her, his mouth hanging. Annalia, in her four-foot-two-inch glory had looked as if she was going to murder someone. But Sam wasn't afraid. Oh goodness no, he was absolutely amazed. What had he done to deserve this kindness? And he thought he knew the answer. Of course, they were both Anirits. They should stick together.

     Anna offered her wand to Sam, smiling. After she pulled him up with a great heave, they set off for her little house at the edge of town. She talked to him about how life was in Marriott and listed the people that he should avoid. And then came the inevitable question that Anirits were always pestered about.

     "So, Sam... What form do you take?" She said this all with a grin, "I'm an owl. A snowy owl."

     "I'm a hawk. I don't know what kind, but my family just said 'He's a great hawk, this one.'" Sam said thoughtfully.

     "Where is your family?" Anna asked, starting to skip joyously.

     "Well, erm, my family lives in Natica..." Sam murmured.

     "Oooooh, they live in the East? I've always wanted to visit Natica!" Annalia clapped her hands in delight, "The East has so many wonderful things. Is it true that there is enough gold to fill an ocean?"

     "No, not really. But I wouldn't really know."

     "So, why isn't your family here with you?"

     "My-My town, the place I grew up in, they don't like Anirits. So, they banished me. My parents still loved me though, but they couldn't move. Natica isn't as accepting of Anirits as Gracia, though I could say differently."

     Anna laughed, "Marriottans don't usually pester me for being an Anirit... I guess since you came, they thought that I was going to start and army of us or something."

     And the Sam, this wasn't a half-bad idea. On the long walk to her house, he wondered about this. And army. Of Anirits. How could the humans even resist them? Beasts of all kinds. United, they'd surely win. But now Anna was jumping up and down excitedly, having finally reached her house. This was not the place or the time to be wondering about such things, and so he tucked the thought away for later.

 




 

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
TickSeed
Review
TickSeed wrote a review Review · Jul 5, 2012

Katiehorsie already covered all the grammer, so I won't go into that.

I would like to add a couple of nitpicky things.

First off, I love commas, I use them all the time. But in the first sentence- "Long ago, when the world had been covered in trees and filled with animals, coexisting with humans, a boy was born. " the second comma doesn't need to be there, in fact it actually messes up the amazing flow you have to your story.

and in this line- "It would be a long walk home from this hillside. But who said she had to walk home? " there should actually be a comma in front of the but, since you don't need two seperate sentances to get across what you're trying to say.

This next thing isn't a big deal, but I thought I should mention it since it stuck out to me. You seem (at least in this particular piece of work) to have a very formal writing style (Similar to the way I write, which is probably why I noticed this.) but in one line you used the word cool, in the way it would be used in modern slang. Again, it's not a big deal, nor does it really matter, but again, it put off the flow you had.

Other than that I enjoyed it! It has an almost lyrical quality to it, and you are much, much, MUCH better at writing than I was at your age!

I look forward to more of your work
-Tick

User avatar
katiehorsie
Review
katiehorsie wrote a review Review · Jul 5, 2012

Hiya,

So I am going to review little grammatical things and such as I go and then give you a big overview of what I saw at the end of this so let us begin:

For the first chunk:
"Hid inside his soul, in the very depths of his being, lived an animal." Here, hid should be hidden.
"The day he showed his parents was the day they rid him of their house." So saying "rid him of their house" basically translates to them taking the house away from him, like ridding a dog of fleas. I think it should be reversed because he would be the fleas in this situation: what they are getting rid of. (If that makes sense.)

Second chunk:
"She could feel the animal stir inside of her and her mind opened the walls." There should be a comma between the first her and the and because the second clause is independent.

Third chunk:
"Sam’s aunt had fallen ill and his mother’s belly was swollen with new life." Same thing here, there are two independent clauses, so you need a comma between ill and and.
"The moment Anna’s mother saw the Black Feather – as Anna and Sam had named it – she disowned her." Here, I think changing the saw to had seen, merely because you are writing in past tense, and you used a past tense to refer to something that happened in the past. Basically, the "had seen" (it would have to be had disowned as well) is more past than past, so it would make more sense, but it is fine either way.
"all the way to the current King – King Nairon." Here, I think a colon would be more appropriate than a dash.

The fourth little chunk seems fine so onto the fifth:
"'A-Anna, the people are staring.' His voice was soft and gentle and Anna found herself looking around." There needs to be a comma between gentle and "and Anna" (same thing of both being independent clauses.)
"eyes locked as they conversed in their minds. " same thing here, there has to be a comma between as and they.
"and thiis was not a time to break that." slight typo here
"Her fists were clenched at her sides and her lips were pursed in a tight thin line." a comma needs to go in between sides and and.
"'My parents still loved me though, but they couldn't move.'" Here, the "loved" should just be love - unless, of course, there is a reason that his parents would no longer love him at the time he said that.
"'I guess since you came, they thought that I was going to start and army of us or something.'" The and should be an
"And the Sam, this wasn't a half-bad idea." The "the" doesnt make sense. I assume you meant something like to but just did a minor typo. And that sentence is followed by an and that should be an an

So overall, this is a good story. The concept seems pretty cool. Sure, people changing into animals is a bit cliche, but you gave it a nice new twist. I would like to read more when you post it. If you just fix the few things I pointed out, it will be all the better, and if you have any questions on what I said, feel free to ask.

Byebye now.

Katiehorsie already covered all the grammer, so I won't go into that.

I would like to add a couple of nitpicky things.

First off, I love commas, I use them all the time. But in the first sentence- "Long ago, when the world had been covered in trees and filled with animals, coexisting with humans, a boy was born. " the second comma doesn't need to be there, in fact it actually messes up the amazing flow you have to your story.

and in this line- "It would be a long walk home from this hillside. But who said she had to walk home? " there should actually be a comma in front of the but, since you don't need two seperate sentances to get across what you're trying to say.

This next thing isn't a big deal, but I thought I should mention it since it stuck out to me. You seem (at least in this particular piece of work) to have a very formal writing style (Similar to the way I write, which is probably why I noticed this.) but in one line you used the word cool, in the way it would be used in modern slang. Again, it's not a big deal, nor does it really matter, but again, it put off the flow you had.

Other than that I enjoyed it! It has an almost lyrical quality to it, and you are much, much, MUCH better at writing than I was at your age!

I look forward to more of your work
-Tick

Thank you for the feedback! I have edited all I could, and I plan to write more... Your reviews really do mean a lot to me.



The chains of habits are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.
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