So we had to write an epilogue to The Giver by Lois Lowry in our English class. This is my final copy as I turned it in, but you are still welcome to review; I'd like to know why I didn't get a good score. -__-
The Giver Essay
But perhaps it was only an echo.
Epilogue
Jonas and Gabriel were found in the snow, at the bottom of the hill.
Yelling back and forth through the snow flurries trekked their saviors. Carefully, two attended to carrying Jonas and one lifted Gabriel gently. Do not let them die, was frequented in their minds.
Hurried, rushed, they brought the two boys to a small village in the forest, nearly large enough to be called a town, yet too reclusive to do so. A village alone.
A village excluded from the influence of Sameness.
After warming Gabe and Jonas in gentle water, they placed them in a large windowed room containing two neat beds, an empty dresser, and a bookshelf lazily filled halfway with randomly accumulated books that the Scavengers happened to come across.
But what they came across that day was much more interesting.
“What are we to do with them? They’ll ask questions, and we cannot provide the answers they seek.” A Scavenger dared to inquire.
“We tell them the truth; we saved their life and we will care for them.” Another deeply-voiced Scavenger replied.
“So how will we collect their memories?” Tension filled the room as the answer became apparent.
“We take them.”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Simply put, it's rather boring and dry. There is so much character development in "The Giver" and it's a really powerful story. We learn to care for Jonas and Gabe and to really love them as people, not just as characters. Epilogues are supposed to have some sort of finality. It isn't enough for us to know that Jonas and Gabe got through. We need to have an idea of what will happen next to them. Your villagers are not described and not delved into at all. Who are scavengers? You never defined them. Either define them or get rid of them. You're supposed to write a conclusion, not a cliffhanger. Plus, it would be better for the people to be described in full, not just with labels. One of the biggest symbolisms of "The Giver" is the titles. Nobody is just a man or just a woman. They have their own superficial titles that they are referred to. By referring to these people by superficial titles, nothing has changed. And that's probably a bad thing.
(ALSO. INTERNET SAFETY. Don't put your personal information up!)
Hello,
You say "warm" twice there. Maybe deleting the second warm.I liked this! I have to say that my first line is my favourite, (The first line that was written by you).
The only thing that struck me as strange here was,
Other than that, I thought it was good. I liked how you left the end as a cliffhanger, it makes it seem more like how the author wanted it to be.
Good job!
~Poem