Technology at Its Sweetest Consequence
By Pauline Joy G. Katigbak
Chocolates. A dessert everyone would see piled up in a grocery store, in a person’s refrigerator and even inside one’s mouth. But, have you ever wondered about all its harm to people? Have you ever realized that it could only bring us to a certain point in life where all we see is lame useless people because of its unknown harming effects? Just like when we talk about technology. Technologies are also found at almost every corner of everyone else’s home. At the kitchen, dining room or at most, our bathrooms. It is viewed as the most essential object in today’s daily living. A part of us would always be cellphones, laptops and computers despite all the negative impacts it could give us. In this instance, technology leads to cybercrimes, pollution and human interaction.
One of the major negative outcomes of technology is cybercrime. Cybercrime is an immorality that involves technologies that affects human being and its society. As stated by Halder, D. & Jaishankar, K.(2011), cybercrimes are offences that are committed against individuals or group of individuals with a criminal motive to intentionally harm the reputation of the victim or cause physical or mental harm to the victim directly or indirectly, using modern telecommunication networks such as Internet. It is made up of a person’s misconduct that could disturb someone’s innocent life. It could move you in just one click. It could even steal your own identity and make you the talk of the town without you cracking the code. It brings out all the complications in life that leads not only you but also the people around you to danger. It has many implications including financial losses, theft of intellectual property and loss of consumer confidence and trust. And even according to DIR.TEXAS.GOV/SECURITY, the overall monetary impact of cybercrime on society and government is estimated to be billions of dollars a year. It is very obvious that a society could be affected through the means of economical problems as stated at the website.
Another negative effect of technology is the never ending issue about pollution. Pollution refers to the excessive amount of waste from different sources like machineries that cause great harm to people and the environment. There are a lot of kinds of pollution and one of those is air pollution. According to Wikipedia.com, motor vehicle emissions are one of the leading causes of air pollution. Which means that engines contributes to the excessive waste on air that may lead to some major diseases like Nausea, Headache, Fatigue, Cardiovascular illness and Cancer risk that people may gain from the exposure. As stated by Eastburn (2006) in his article, air pollution may also cause Coughs, Burning eyes and Breathing problems. Pollution doesn’t end with air because there is another type of pollution which we call, water pollution. It is the damage we cause to all forms of bodies of water in the environment. It can be due to the dangerous chemicals excreted by the machineries of factories to the ocean. As stated in the said article earlier, almost 14,000 deaths per day are reported due to the contamination of drinking water by untreated sewage in developing countries. But the most common pollution of this generation is the noise pollution. Because of all the technologies we have—cellphones, televisions, computers and speakers, people became unaware that it also contributes to the early signs of sickness that people gain like hearing loss, high blood pressure, stress and sleeping disturbance.
It is very obvious that technology is a great help in communicating to people far from us as fast as we could, as unending as possibly be. But reduced human interaction has been a problem that most people worry about because of all the gadgets and software that hinder us from communicating personally which affects us in many ways. The most established application nowadays, is Facebook. Due to its very convenient web page, people can easily post there photos, chat with their relatives and connect with their old friends. It may seem as a good idea, but unknowingly, people of this generation now relies only on the power of cellphones and gadgets that they never really knew how important it is to talk with other people directly. According to Montgomery (2013), founder of the Small Riot, communicating with loved ones via technology has become "cold and two-dimensional." Screen-based communication unbuckles us from our natural instincts, and calls for a return to physical, tactile means of interacting. Many people are talking to hospitals, nursing homes about using technology to enable mothers to feel close to a newborn, or providing relatives of hospitalized individuals with comfort, by connecting them directly. It is very obvious that even the day you were born, technology already had reduced your physical interaction with your own mother which, we all know is highly desired and necessary.
Technology has always been viewed in this generation as a necessity. We had never thought about before, where cellphones and gadgets are no way visible at all. And with the unceasing growth of technologies itself, crimes, threats and uncertainties are highly evident. Cybercrimes has contributed to bringing people’s lives to danger. Pollution, as obvious as it is, triggers people’s health conditions that lead to many harmful effects. And lastly, reduced human interaction makes people not realize the worth of speaking directly to your listener. With those entire burdens, have we ever thought of living life simply? Where advancements and technologies are not significant at all.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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126,424 Literary Works • 672,938 Reviews
Hello Joy!
Apologies for my late arrival in reviewing this essay of yours. I've been missing in action for a while but I'm back now and hopefully I should be able to help you out with your request to review this piece.
Firstly, the title is catchy. I like it. But then, I read the first part about the chocolate and then half your title suddenly loses its 'oomph' after that bit is over. I like the comparison of technology with chocolate. But it's too one-dimensional. What about twisting the angle a little bit? Because you're being too general about how bad chocolate is. Perhaps you could have delved into the pros and cons. And focused more on how the cons outweigh the pros. But even then, chocolate isn't exactly lethal, so the danger of such an element isn't really invoked that much. Rather, make an example of something that is truly fearful - like Drugs, alcohol, sex and their ramifications (i.e., their negative outcomes) and then tally that with the cons of Technology.
You've done your research. And you've spoken about a vast array on the potential threat that technology poses to the human race, albeit in a very generalized manner. I would have liked for you to have delved into invasive technology, talk about stuff like the Leveson Report, or the NSA and so on that really define the crux of what your essay is trying to say.
In all honesty, this piece hasn't given me any profound insight into why I should rethink using my mobile phone again or log-in to my computer. There was no emphasis on any of the topics you raised from pollution to personal interaction. If you did, they were just too... generalized and lacked impact. Give a little more thought into your explanation. Think of ways in which you can captivate the readers' minds through your style of writing. Have facts, but don't make it boring. Tell your opinion, but make it sound relevant and convincing. I for one am not at all for the topic since I think technology is what makes the world go round everyday and something no human being of this generation can live without. As for its cons, it's the same consequence that arises when you know that too much of a good thing becomes a bad thing. And that's basically it.
I like the approach. I like that you have chosen to write about something that is so common and yet so overlooked that people don't notice how dependent they are on technology. To improve, keep reading and keep forming an opinion about it for yourself. Adhere to it and prove the relevance of your point and you will have readers hooked. Keep the ink flowing.
Murtuza
nice
))
Hey!!! I know it took me a bit, but here I am!
so, let us begin, CHOCOLATE I have never reviewed an essay, so I'll do my best.
I couldn't find any grammatical errors, so A+ there. CHOCOLATE I liked your beginning intro. It definitely catches the readers CHOCOLATE eye. Then, I like how you contine you on, while keeping the reader CHOCHOLATE hooked the whole way. I would put a little more in here, but most of it has already CHOCOLATE been covered. I have to go get myself some CHOCOLATE now. Great work!!
Andy, signing out
Hey! Here as promised. Hope this review helps!
The "Which" shouldn't be a new sentence. Also I am wondering why you capitalized "Nausea" and the such because those aren't specific diseases, most of them aren't really diseases.So first might I start off with the fact that you have quite an interesting title. It at first confused me, then made me think, but I wasn't quite sure whether I was right as to it's meaning. This captures the reader and makes them want to know whether they were right or not which is perfect!
Your first paragraph is good. The flow is smooth and I liked the fact that you asked the reader questions. The only problem I had with this paragraph was the last line. It lists two negative effects and one that could go either way. It is most likely negative, judging by where you're going with this now, but you have made it positive. I would clarify things a little bit, and if it is positive then I would change it to something negative so that your point is clearer to the reader.
Your second paragraph is even better. Your overall structure is well organized, addressing negative impacts one at a time. I like how you used actual information and cited it to show what you're saying is legit and not made up. The use of defining cyber-crime was good, but you tended to ramble a bit in the paragraph. I realize when defining something that cutting it short is difficult because you need to be sure that the reader understands, but I'm just telling you an opinion. Also watch out for when you use "it". You tend to do that a lot, so just watch out for that. (You probably don't need to know that if this is for school and about persuasion/sharing info, but it's good to know.)
"Coughs" and the rest should not be capitalized since they are not specific ailments. Other than these bits your third paragraph was just as good as your others.
Your fourth paragraph confused me a bit. Throughout most of your essay it seems like you've been anti technology but in the fourth paragraph you seemed pro for it. I would change this because it totally throws your reader off. Other than that I think your basic setup is good and same with your flow, just change that once part. Good writing!
Sushi
Your topic is very interesting. The content is excellent. Nice job. Keep it up.
I love it. You've made an excellent essay. Job well done.
fascinating hook
Nice work! It's worth the click!
You'll be a great writer someday! I know you would! You write artistically and you did well with comparing chocolates with technology. Nice work!
You made a wonderful essay! Great job! With that, I surely can't say something anymore!
I love the way you compared technology to chocolates so much! I am so addicted to technology and so is to chocolate! Well, I got your point. I hope one day, I'll learn how to start spacing out with technologies.
You did a good hook for your introduction. Just check your wordings, you may rephrase your sentences with a simpler yet a better one. Overall, you did a great job.
I can't really review this. I found a few problems that other users already pointed out, so it would be pointless to rehash their reviews. Your point and opinion on the matters were clear. O agree with some of them, and disagree with some, but you explained yourself well. I also like how your references were woven into the actual text of the essay and not in bulk at the bottom.
Knight Dragon, here for the requested review!
First off, welcome to YWS!! Now, for the review...
Technical:
"But, have you ever wondered about all its harm to people?" could be better written "But, have you ever wondered about the harm it can (either do or cause) people?"
"Have you ever realized that it could only bring us...", delete the "only". Also, that entire sentence is a bit wordy, so perhaps consider revising.
"Just like when we talk about technology." is a fragment. Better: "This also applies to when we talk about technology."
"Technologies are also found at almost every corner of everyone else’s home." is a bit awkward. Better: "Technology is also found in almost every corner of everyone's home." [By the way you should be more specific with what kind of technology you mean (i.e. electronics), because a house is a form of technology.]
"At the kitchen, dining room or at most, our bathrooms." Broken record time. Better: "In the kitchen, dining room, or even the bathroom."
"A part of us would always be cellphones, laptops and computers despite all the negative impacts it could give us." Better: "Cellphones, laptops, and computers will always be a part of our lives, despite the negative impact they can have."
"In this instance, technology leads to cybercrimes, pollution and human interaction." In what instance? You should probably say "Due to the close association of our lives with our devices, technology..."
"Cybercrime is an immorality that involves technologies that affects human being and its society." Immorality doesn't feel like the right word here. "that involves technologies that affects human being and its society" is really awkward. Try "that involves technology (being abused) and harms a human being and [why is this an "its"? Is that for the technology? This whole sentence just needs to be reworded, because if it's referencing technology, then my rewording of that part won't work]..."
"...networks such as Internet" should be "such as the Internet."
"It could move you in just one click. It could even steal your own identity and make you the talk of the town without you cracking the code. It brings out all the complications in life that leads not only you but also the people around you to danger." Get rid of all the "you"s in that section. Replace them with "someone" or like synonyms. "It could move" should be "It could harm". And why are we the ones "cracking the code?" That's the hacker's job, not the victim's. "It could bring out all the complications" should be "It can complicate life that endangers not only the victims but the people around them."
"And even according..." should just be "According..."
"It is very obvious..." Never, never, NEVER use "obvious" or "apparent" or "it would appear" or other like phrases. Please get rid of that.
"...as stated at the website." Well if it's stated at the website, then quote it. Don't tell us it's stated.
"According to Wikipedia.com..." Oh dear. A word of warning (especially once you hit high school and college). Most if not all teachers will not allow you to use Wikipedia as a source. It's a great place to use as a reference point or a place to find links to other sources (the sources Wikipedia quotes and relies upon), but as an actual source, not the greatest. So for future reference, steer clear of Wikipedia once you're ready to start inserting sources.
"...may gain from the exposure." And,...no source. Where'd you get this list from? You need to note that.
"...there is another type of pollution which we call, water pollution." is better as "of water pollution, another type of pollution."
"As stated in the said article earlier..." Oh no no no. Like I said earlier, don't tell us it's stated, quote it and note it. [<- I just realized I could make a pithy rhyme. That makes me happy.]
"...common pollution of this generation is the noise pollution." Delete the "the" in front of "noise pollution."
"It is very obvious that technology is a great help..." condenses to "Technology greatly helps..."
"The most established application nowadays, is Facebook." Delete "nowadays" and the comma right after it.
"It may seem as a good idea" should be "It may seem like a good idea"
"people of this generation now relies only on the power of cellphones and gadgets that they never really knew how important it is to talk with other people directly." Better: "people of this generation now rely on only the power of cellphones and other devices, so much so that they never really discover how important it is to talk with other people directly."
"Many people are talking to hospitals, nursing homes..." should be "...hospitals and nursing homes"
"It is very obvious that even the day you were born, technology already had reduced your physical interaction with your own mother which, we all know is highly desired and necessary." Three things. One, get rid of the "obvious" phrase. Two, "which we all know", if we all know it, then why are you telling us? Delete that phrase as well. Three, this sentence is really wordy and awkward. Please fix it.
"We had never thought about before, where cellphones and gadgets are no way visible at all." Better: "We have never thought about when cellphones and gadgets were not available at all."
"And with the unceasing growth of technologies itself", make "technologies" technology.
"Cybercrimes has contributed to bringing people’s lives to danger." Better: "Cybercrime has contributed to further endangering people's lives."
"speaking directly to your listener", change "your" to "their"
"Where advancements and technologies are not significant at all." Awkward fragment. Delete it, or change it so it's a complete sentence.
Hope this helps!
YOU ARE SO GREAT! Thank you for the review! It's such a great help!
Ahem ahem.
Excellent job! ahdsdkksjdksjdksjskdsjdjfas soo good that I can't even speak properly.
*Exists*
Ahem ahem.
Excellent job! ahdsdkksjdksjdksjskdsjdjfas soo good that I can't even speak properly.
*Exists*
Ha ha! Thanks for the compliment!
Hi there!
Manisha here to review.
Firstly, I think you started off very well. You used chocolate to pull in the attention of the reader.
I'm not very good at reviewing essays so I'll just let you know what I think.
You should put the statement they have stated within quotes so that we know it was said by them. Here, I did not know where their statement ended.
I like that you have given good references and I believe that examples make an essay stronger. Here you concentrate on cyber crime and pollution, and communication. You have mentioned fine examples for them.
I personally don't completely agree with technology leading to water pollution(maybe noise pollution but not water.). For if anything, technology can actually help us reduce pollution through many innovative inventions. So to make that point stronger instead of talking about how pollution affects us you can talk about how technology effects environment.
This isn't very strong point to say technology leads to pollution. I would suggest to give direct examples of technology leading to pollution.
(This is my take so you can ignore it if you don't agree)
Your take on cyber crime is good. That is a serious problem.
Overall, it was very well written!
I hope this review helped!
Good luck!
-manisha
Thanks for the wonderful review Manisha!
We all have opinions, and I so respect yours! Well, I'd do all your reviews the next I made a new one! Again, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! 
i've learned lot from your article!
job well done
Hi pauuulinejoy,DK here with review
I love the way you write this essay to become something 'delicious' and useful facts.Agree with some comments,so I just adding some that you might overlooked.
1.Spelling .
2.Grammar.
*Try:"post their photos"
You may have used one word when you meant another. A common cause of these errors are homophones. A homophone is two words that sound alike but have different meanings and spellings. Review the definition of the word you used and the word suggested.
Review definitions:
~their
something that belongs to them
~there
not here
The rest is good,keep it up!
Good job and good luck
The introduction part is good. You have clearly show the connection of what chocolates possess with that of technology . Nice essay. I had been hooked by chocolates.
)
Very well said. Nice article huh, keep up the good work.
Very interesting!Well done!
very nice essay:)
Heyy PauuulineJoy! Here is SapphireFlames for the review!
Again Technology...? Fine review is more important.
I liked the way you have explained the negative effects of technology and also you have chosen a good topic "Cybercrime''
today I have reviewed al most more than 3 articles based on Technology and yours is the only one that deals with negative effects.
I liked the format of the article and also its well-written.
I liked these parts:
''Technology has always been viewed in this generation as a necessity. We had never thought about before, where cellphones and gadgets are no way visible at all. And with the unceasing growth of technologies itself, crimes, threats and uncertainties are highly evident. Cybercrimes has contributed to bringing people’s lives to danger. Pollution, as obvious as it is, triggers people’s health conditions that lead to many harmful effects. And lastly, reduced human interaction makes people not realize the worth of speaking directly to your listener. With those entire burdens, have we ever thought of living life simply? Where advancements and technologies are not significant at all''.
it was very informative just as the articles that I have reviewed today.
You have clearly explained all its uses that is very good but one thing I dint find the bibliography that I found in all the others?
Anyway don't worry about it, the overall article is good and very innovative.
Keep writing!
looking forward for more articles like this!
Have a nice day!
FuturAuthor,
SapphireFlames
Thank you so much for the fantastic review! I respect your opinion and it was all a great help! I appreciated it so much!
Future author? You write books?
Yes I write stories and currently I am working on a book.
Good Essay
good essay
Nice essay.
I like your point about how modern technology can actually lead to less human interaction. All too often, we look at how the Internet is bridging great distances between cultures while forgetting that it's also leading not only to more stress in friendships but also poorer relationships between each other. That in turn leads to lower physical and mental health.
But without the Internet, I would've never taken up creative writing, I wouldn't know what my cousins in New York are up to, and I wouldn't have a job! So I feel that as long as people recognize that there is no substitute for real, physical human interaction, then the Internet can be used to bolster our relationships with one another.
What I would've really liked to see, though, is for you to develop the cybercrime portion more. I haven't seen anyone touch on that yet, and it's a very real problem that affects us all in ways that most people couldn't even imagine. In the United States, for example, a lot of our infrastructure is very vulnerable to a cyber attack. A well funded organization could disable many of our dams, power plants, and wreak havoc with our phone systems. And that's not even getting into identity theft.
In any case, I think you need a lot more sources for your essay. Take this line for example:
How is this obvious? And can you point to any research that provides evidence for this?
It's important never to make assumptions about what the reader may think. Instead when writing an essay, assume your reader will argue with everything you say, meaning you need to back absolutely everything up with facts.
very informative!
Good one
)
Point well taken... i just hope we wouldn't reach the time where technology will dictate our humanity and make us incapable of being rational and humane.. just like chocolates, it could be addictive, its up to us to resist its sweetest temptation...
Keep on speaking your mind and inspire others with your thoughts =)
pen is proven powerful, it does change lives =)
Very nice title.
You have explained your point clearly. Job well done! 
very knowledgeable. you write well. and your topic is timely. I hope kids these days would know the effects of technology in their lives through your essay.
"Nice essay! I've learned something new about technology's bad side."
Hey there! I'm Onyx and I will be reviewing your article today.
Comments
I liked your article, you give very good information. I was very interested at the beginning, which is good way to bring your reader or audience into the article further! I like how you go into detail about each thing, giving examples and stating resources. There is a few things that I would like to see differently, but that is just me. So here it is, again this is just my opinions. You, by all means, do not have to change it in any way.
For some reason, this is just different for me to read. To me this sounds a bit weird, but then again, it could just be me. Ha-
Same for this one as well, to me this sounds a little weird as a read it. I would add an "s" at the end of "being" to make it sound better, but I could just be weird, who knows?
Where is the stated portion? If anything, you should make it in quotations. That way we know what is being stated and it gives credit. If not, it looks like you are just summarizing.
Again, what are you according to? It is easier for the audience to see what is being said by using quotations.
It would be nice to give the website URL at the end of this statement so the audience can view it.
Hate to say it, but you can NEVER use Wikipedia as a reference. Only because anyone can get on Wikipedia and write a lot of incorrect information. So it is not a reliable source to use when you are writing an article.
Over all
Honestly, you did a wonderful job! I think you hit everything correctly and used good ideas. Though I would add in a bit of pathos and logos. That way you appeal to the audience differently in stead of just using ethos. Other than that, you did wonderfully! Keep on writing and I can't wait to read some more articles from you! If you have any questions or reasons why I said something I did, feel free to send me a message.
~Onyx
"Nice essay! I've learned something new about technology's bad side."
"Nice essay! I've learned something new about technology's bad side."
well said!
your hook sentence is interesting
Nice one. I like your essay. Keep up the good work.