I used to be a girl
One like no other
You can ask me what I had special
And I answer you with just one word:
A smile
Everything seemed perfect,
even when everything was pain.
I could never look sad
And I used to hate myself for that.
I would look in the mirror attempting a serious face
But no…never had I managed to do that.
I did so cry but my face was never sad
It was only hurt.
I remember that day when I was yelled at.
It was just because I couldn’t look serious when I made a mistake
And I just went home determined to fix that
And yet I couldn’t look sad.
I wasn’t sad but I was hurt that I got punished for not looking sad.
Funny how now I’ll do anything for that…
To smile once again,
And be unable to look sad.
I had eventually given up back then
to make my face look sad,
but without knowing something occurred:
A change.
I don’t know what triggered it
Or when I first felt sad
All I know it that now it’s hard to smile again
And I do so miss those days.
PS: The stanzas are in different colours to identify one form another. I had to do so because of formatting problems.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hello,
phoenixwhisper here to review!
First off, I really like this piece and love the concept and emotion in it, so great job there! You did a great job in describing how she changed from smiles to sadness, it felt very natural and it was easy to connect with the girl in the poem, for me at least.
Just a few nit picks:
"I did so cry but my face was never sad"
Something about this line seems to go against the flow, I would suggest revising the first part of it, the "I did so cry" part. As well fixing as what sophiewrites has also pointed out.
But overall, great job and I especially loved your first stanza!
Hello! sophiewrites here to write a review!
First off, I really like the idea behind the poem and it really seems genuine, I can tell you didn't just make that up.
However, I would like to give you some suggestions on how to make the poem more well poem-y!
,, You can ask me what I had special '' Maybe it would be better to make it something like ,,Find out what was it that was special about me'' or something, I just have trouble with the had in a way, it just doesn't flow.
,,But no…never had I managed to do that. '' Mh there are so many verbs to express not managing to do something, to fail, to not suceed etc. Try to extend your vocab as a writer, it will make the poem flow better!
I really love the end!
I hope it helped,
Regards,
sophiewrites
Thanks for your review. I would do my best to try to improve it on your suggestions.