these secrets we hide from the world
maybe they're not as bad as we think
what really makes them so awful?
I lost my virginity; am I a slut?
I've smoked a bit; am I a druggie?
I drink on occasion; am I a drunk?
tell me now what you see
do you see the things that pushed me over the edge
or do you only see the mess at the bottom?
you don't seem to notice the weapons of choice
you don't care about the self-medication
you have no clue about the blurry up and down
so all these secrets I try to hide;
some leak out, some brim over
but how many are as awful as they seem?
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
I love this. It speaks to me because in this time we have people who hide their secrets when they should just live up to them and tell close friends. Keep up the awesome and wonderful work!!! ~Mage~
Well, this definitely caught my eye! I thought this was something else, really looking at a different, interesting angle of secrets. Poems are all about love these days! XD Some pointers to think about when you're editing:
Don't change any of it
Experiment! Think about what the true colors are, the juicy emotions and maybe think of a better title while you're at it
PM me if you need some intense critiques! Hope this helps,
-"so all these secrets I try to hide; some leak out some brim over but how many are as awful as they seem?" By far the best stanza, the second line was metaphorically nice
-"I lost my virginity; am I a slut?... ect." I think this stanza (could) be erased. This stanza brings connection to the readers, but might soak up some color. It's the author's choice
-The first stanza jumps right to the main message, and right there the message is crossed. The message should be spread out through the poem. I would try to tweak it a bit
-The title could be a little more creative!
OVERALL
Inspiring! Whenever I have a deep secret that I don't want to tell anyone I'll think of this poem.
winie