Why does it matter? They ask, eyebrows raised,
It doesn't, I lie, seeming unfazed.
I should speak up, I've been silent too long,
I'm tired of smiling and just going along.
It's not okay to misuse such a word,
It happens so often, the line is so blurred,
They don't even realize they're causing such hurt,
As soon as it's said, my mind is alert.
That's so gay, one will say, Don't be such a queer,
I hope to God the wrong person won't hear,
You can't just assume it affects only them,
Family and friends, you don't know where it stems;
His uncle, her cousin, their sister, their friend,
Such a thoughtless remark could cause deep wounds to mend.
My eyes scan the group, and just as I thought,
I watch as a bystander's face gets hot,
You can't say things like that, said the boy, little and snide,
You never know who you'll hurt, his eyes growing wide.
Get outta here, faggot, one of them barked,
And suddenly, something inside of me sparked,
He's right, you know, I said, grabbing his arm,
And the kids in the group looked at me with alarm.
I was the kid who always held back,
Well, not anymore, I was now on attack.
You act like children, like young little boys,
If you're going to do that, go play with your toys.
The young boy smiled up at me, tears in his eyes,
I looked back up at the group, and to my surprise,
They all wandered off, their shoulders hung low,
The kid grinned at me, letting all his teeth show,
Hey, thanks, no one's ever done that for me.
And I watched as he skipped away, as tall as a tree.
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140,247 Literary Works • 673,064 Reviews
Hello, passionatelyme! I am emeraldfox, representing the Blue Moons this review day!
This was a really well-written emotion-packed poem. You had a good use of punctuation and your rhymes were great. The meter of the poem was strong and it flowed well. You didn't have any grammar or spelling errors. You also used some great imagery and word choice. There was also a lot of symbolism that I liked.
the only thing I thought might add to this poem is some stanzas. It was too long to be all one stanza. I needed a break to take a breath while reading it and there was no place to. I know formatting on here is tricky, but there is a way to make stanzas. Hold down SHIFT + ENTER to start a new line single-spaced, but just press ENTER to start a new stanza double-spaced. Right now, you have it double-spaced because you only pressed ENTER.
My favorite lines in the piece were:
"I was the kid who always held back,
Well, not anymore, I was now on attack.
You act like children, like young little boys,
If you're going to do that, go play with your toys."
You did a really great job on this! *likes*
I loved the way you talked about how small the boy was in the beginning and then used that to make him being tall in the end so much more powerful. I really sympathize with anyone in that situation because I've been there, and I never knew anyone could say it so beautifully. It made me want to cry by the end because of how truthful it was! It's safe to say that you are an amazing writer! I loved this poem!
As a reader, I am completely and utterly unaffected by this poem. It's dripping in sentimentality and as far as I am concerned it isn't a poem at all; though admittedly I'm hardly qualified to make that distinction.
I want to review this but I really don't know where to begin.
I guess that's as far as I can go and probably the most honest I can be without hurting your feelings, which is something I don't want to do.
Hello... Can I ask why?
*ahem* this is in fact a very amazing poem so, yes why?
Hey there Kat here to review for you!
If this is true, OHMERGAWRSH! THANK YOU! "That's so gay" "This is retarted" All the stuff like that, people don't realize what they are really saying. The kids don't realize how much it hurts people or just simply don't care and need people like this boy to stand up for them. The only people who say those things are people who are insecure and ignorant. They aren't always bad people, sometimes thya want to fit in. I just wanna punch some of them in the face but I know that won't help. I wish I could do what this boy did, maybe next time I will. I loved your usage of literary devices, it was really quite good ! It painted a very vivid image of the people and place involved and their emotions. I also like how you had rhyme in there and the flow was nice.
Keep it up
~Kat
Hey!
Good poem. I myself have never been a massive fan if rhyming poems because they can come across as super childish and silly. But I liked this one, because I felt as if the use if rhyme adds a sense of innocence, and how even a child can see that using a derogatory word such as gay is wrong. Because it is still wrong to use it, sure some people do use it to mean happy, but all you have to do is look at the context of what a person and how they are saying it to know what they mean by it.
So, peeps, please don't use it. It's no good.
Ok, so what I didn't so much like about it was just little stuff like Retro said, for the line
"Well, not anymore, I was now on attack"
I suggest making it into:
Well, not anymore, I was in an attack"
I feel that getting rid of "now" and adding in "an" just makes it flow better.
As for the title, I think you should keep it, because it sort of sparks interest, when I saw it on the featured, I thought it was gonna be kinda homophobic, because we, as society, are so use to seeing the word "gay" alone to be bad, and I was super surprised and happy that it was basically saying how using that word out of context and in a bad way is well, bad.
So, good job and keep writing
Nargles xxx
Hi, J.C. here for a review!
Before I begin I have to say that I believe those who choose to be gay have made a bad, and wrong choice. My religion teaches me this, my God teaches me this, and to me, it makes sense. But I agree with your poem all the way.
The unfortunate part is that this side of the story is the usually the only one that is heard. Everyone says gays are being discriminated, but they forget that those who believe the opposite are receiving the same treatment. It's just the people in the middle who don't have their heads screwed on tight enough that are doing it all.
But, I must say, you have done a wonderful job of speaking about such a controversial topic. I've been in a lot of heated discussions about this where people refuse to look at both sides. And here, I believe, you've captured the essence of the problem. Gays simply are not treated with respect. I don't agree with what they are doing, but they are still people, and most of them are very good people, so I have no reason to dislike them.
I personally do not use the words 'gay' and 'faggot,' or any other derogative terms for that matter. But I've never been one to get upset when friends and peers do. It's always done in a joking manner, but I suppose I'll think about it differently now.
As far as the writing goes, I feel that this is a well written poem. Like the others who reviewed it, I agree that it has good rhythm and flow. It almost has a sort of Dr. Seuss feel to it, which lends it enough gravity to be important, but doesn't make it feel like you are trying to 'impart your grand wisdom upon us.' If you know what I mean.
This is the only part that I have an issue with. You are saying that using the language people are is damaging to those around them, even if they don't know it. I believe in God, and I believe in honoring His name. You could say that this line has done the very thing to me that you are upset about. Just something to think about.
And a job well done! Thank you passionatelyme!
Thank you for the review!! Where I don't necessarily agree with your views, I can certainly appreciate an honest review. I also thank you for bringing to my attention my insensitive usage of the word God. I myself am religious, as well, and should be more careful. Thanks again!!
I mean very cool
This is very interesting and inspiring. You. Are. cool.
Hey, this is pretty darn good!
Firstly, can I just say the rhyming is great. I really like rhyming poetry, and this one is fine, although it is a simple rhyme scheme, there are no forced rhymes at all.
Secondly, as disco says, "god" should be capitalized.
Unlike retro though, I think your use of commas is fine and I wouldn't get rid of any.
Personally, as far as the message is concerned, I find no issue with the new meaning of the word gay. I only find issue with people insulting other people. The word gay meant happy, and although it used to have a few connotations. Now if has changed meaning again there is nothing one can do to stop that. If you look at most swear words or insults they mean something else.
As my one criticism I think you need to separate this into stanzas, just to make it easier to read.
Hope this helps, and if you need any reviews on anything just ask,
Take That You Fiend!
P.S. I'm not too sure about the title.
Hello! Retro here for a review! And I must say it is nice to find another LGBTQ+ supporter!
Well onto the review, first I'll do a few nitpicks then onto what I liked.
Now my first comment is more a question, are the italisied thoughts or speech. If they are speech then i'd reccomend taking them out of italics and into quotations marks as it looks more literary
'I hope to god the wrong person won't hear'
Now i'm not a 100% sure but I think God needs to be capitalised
'Well, not anymore, I was now on attack.'
To help the flow of this sentence I would reccomend a the between on and attack.
Well that is it for nitpicks really. My only other point would be there are an awful lot of commas so potentially have another read through and see what you do and do not actually need
On to what I liked. Well I loved the content. I myself, as i've said, are a massive pro LGBTQ+ person so the misuse of the word annoys me greatly. I wrote a poem on it myself so yes 10000% to that. Also I suprisingly like your use of rhyme, the first time I read it I didn't even notice it but I was pleasently suprised when I detected it. It isn't too overbearing and helps the flow of the piece.
Overall this is a very good poem, hence the like!
Keep it up,
here if you need me!
~Retro