Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
I live my life for the stars that shine
1
“Hi, i´m Gail Hawkins and I play guitar for a band called The Addicts.” Right now, I´m sitting on a couch in some concert hall in new York about to play a set for mtv. “Is Gail your real name, cause Hawkins is a bit of a stretch but Gail.” God dam it, this guy is asking the same question as almost every interviewer ever. “No Gail is not my real name, it’s the name I prefer to go by.” He starts to ask something else. I know what the question is. What is it then, your real name. To hell with it, “Emily Blake Peterson, or Emmy or Em I answer to all three.”
“Well, to be quite honest I was expecting you to tell me off.” Going for the shock value, right, “call It a spilt decision but I really didn’t feel like being asked that question till the end of time.” Trying now not to curse, Alanis the bands front woman told me I reign back the language. “Moving on,” mister interviewer says putting on a smile. “Emily what made you want to start playing guitar.”
“Lots of things, I was about to be shipped off to music school to learn clarinet, something about me needing to socialize. So not wanting to spend hours in band with thirty people, and idiots going that tone control is amazing, so I picked up a guitar learned a Nirvana tune and an Oasis tune.”
“Which were?”
“About a girl and Wonderwall, I got a few people together. Friends mostly and we started playing those two songs. Problem solved.” Let this interview be over soon, an absent glance at my watch tells me I still have five minutes of interview left. “Your skill as a guitarist has grown quite a bit since that time, you’ve been called the female Jimmy Page.” What he´s doing right now, mister interviewer I mean, is duuming down the actual quote went something like. If George lynch had a kid, sent it to preschool where TosinAbasi and Joe Perry where the teachers, made friends with Kurt Cobain and that guy from Nickleback. And then finally was mentored by a wise old sage that turns out to be Jimmy page. That kid would be Gail Hawkins.
“To tell you the truth,” pondering what was this guys name again “Will” he nods. “I don’t have what you call a social life, I spend my free time playing my guitar. I practice a lot while were on tour. Between gigs and tours and all that, I sit around in my house playing till my fingers bleed, then I play a little more.” O that look, a facial expression trying to say, Impressive, Holy shit, and DAMM all at the same time. Will (the interviewer) finally manages to ask “why?”
“So that when im on stage I can shread like a manic, or sweep or just anything, basically keeping up stamina.” I love saying that, forgive me for sounding egotistical.
2
“Thank you Gail, its been fun.” If He makes the joke I think he´s gonna make, “same time next year?” the smile which comes on my face now, is not one of amusement. Rather channeling energy that would have gone to a rather great cuss out. “Sure,” if you still have your job.
The cameras turn off, and Will the interviewer thanks me again before leaving. I kick back in my chair. A nice upholstered number that belongs on the set of Downtown Abby, now that the hard part is over I can get to the fun stuff.
I get up from the chair, walk past the guys taking the cameras apart. Come to a stair way, step out of some guys way. Descend, come to a reception area where some people arestading around.
I walk past, thinking about the riff for one of our songs. “Hey you with the purple hair,” fans you can always depend on them to notice your hair color. I put on a smile and walk to meet them. One guy with two girls, “your Gail right,” no I´m santa clause, “The one and only” still keeping that smile in check.
“We were just watching your interview,” the guy is speaking, he looks excited. “Just one question,” now one of the girls is clamering. “Why don’t you use your real name, when your preforming.” Its just one of those things, if no one knows I´m four eyed Emily Peterson, they might just focus on the thing that matters. Which is the music of course, “you know how the phantom of the opera had a mask?” I say. They all nod. “Gail Hawkins is my mask, if that makes any sense.”
Before they can answer I walk away. A bit farther down the room, I come to a door which says backstage. Through their I find the other three members of The Addicts. Sid our bassist is sitting with a two by four piece of wood, Gabriel our drummer is sitting in a lawn chair reading. And my biggest worry of the night Alanis our singer is nowhere to be seen. I say my biggest worry cause she’s been acting like…… well like a druggie.
“Sid,” he looks up from his 2by4 “were is Ally, its show time in about” I consult my watch “five minutes.”
“She´s in the bathroom puking her guts up.” Gabriel says a bit to nonchalantly for my taste. That’s the way it always is, nothing can ever be easy. Sid and Gabriel are reliable in the sense that they can provide the structure. I can put the decoure on it, Ally has been flaking.
I come in to the bathroom, there are six stalls, and six sinks. Now where is my fuckingvocalist. A sudden yell of “DAM!” answers the question for me. I knock on the stall door, no time for bull shit. “Can you do it?” I speak with a sharpness I usually use when scolding my kitten. “Emily what?” no time for this, “A simple yes or no are you good to sing for forty minutes?”
“No,” well Ally can at least be proud of the fact she was honest. “Clean up your act, this cant happen again.” With that said I’m out the door.
“I take it she’s not coming?” Sid asks, I nod “you’ve been promoted kiddo” Gabriel says and pats me on the back. “Yea looks like.”
Sid opens the doors out to the stage, I lead the train out. Gabriel brings up the rear, he gets behind the drum set. We go past the amps Sid breaks off, gets in place and picks up his base. I pick up my guitar, it’s a red V I call the samurai. With my trade mark blue Pegasus painted on it. The audience is still clapping, “Alanis will not be joining us here tonight, I vebeen promoted.” I sit on her stool, “this tune is off our new album.” I put the capo on to the third fret.“This song is called Silver.”I strum the first couple of chords in the opening riff,then I just close my eyes and sing.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,853 Reviews
“Hi, i´m Gail Hawkins and I play guitar for a band called The Addicts.” Right now, I´m sitting on a couch in some concert hall in new York about to play a set for mtv. “Is Gail your real name, cause Hawkins is a bit of a stretch but Gail.” God dam it, this guy is asking the same question as almost every interviewer ever. “No Gail is not my real name, it’s the name I prefer to go by.” He starts to ask something else. I know what the question is. What is it then, your real name. To hell with it, “Emily Blake Peterson, or Emmy or Em I answer to all three.”
Correction:
"Hi, I'm Gail Hawkins and I play guitar for a band called The Addicts." Right now, I'm sitting on a couch in some concert hall in New York (capitals for both since it's a name of a city) about to play a set for MTV. "Is Gail your real name, because Hawkins is a bit of a stretch but Gail." (No idea what you mean here with the but Gail part. I suggest just leaving it at "Is Gail your real name?") This guy is asking the same question as almost every interviewer does. "No, Gail is not my real name, it's the name I prefer to go by." He starts to ask something else. (Leaving out the I know what the question is part because It's not needed there and makes it awkward.) "What is your real name then?" (And when you put that originally it needs a question mark since it's a question. I'm leaving out the next part after that too because I don't feel like it should go there.) "Emily Blake Peterson, Em, or Emmy. I answer to all three."
I found that most of this was awkward and there was a lot of grammar mistakes.
Sid,” he looks up from his 2by4 “were is Ally, its show time in about” I consult my watch “five minutes.”
Um.. what is this 2by4 thing? I suggest you leave that out and put phone or something.
Correction: "Where is Ally, it's about show-time." I consult my watch. "About five minutes" I say.
Hope this helped you!
Well first of all,
Thank you, I already gave the lyricalrebel my Falcon medal. So the only thing I have left is some snow. Sorry.
The 2by4 is supposed to be a bass, I know its weird. But his actual bass is on the stage and Sid likes to practice. And to the grammar mistakes I say the only thing I can sorry and thanks for making it to the other end.
I'll get to fixing this thing when I get the time.
Thanks, se you around and all the best
Richard
Hey there. I'll give a slightly long review. I hope you don't mind. So let me start with the nitpicks.
“Hi, i´m Gail Hawkins and I play guitar for a band called The Addicts.”
It is important to watch typographical errors such as here wherein "i'm" should be "I'm".
Second, isn't mtv supposed to be all caps? As in "MTV"? That's what I knew but correct me if I'm wrong.
Next, if you're going to shorten the word "because", you should put an aphostrophe before "cause" to show that you meant "because", since the word "cause" has a completely different meaning.
"Damn" has the letter "n". Another typographical error, I think.
"call It a spilt decision but I really didn’t feel like being asked that question till the end of time.”
The capitalization in this sentence was absent and appeared in the second word.
Next, look here:
"Trying now not to curse, Alanis the bands front woman told me I reign back the language."
If you're going to introduce or say something about a certain character, you have to a comma before and after the description. Also, the "bands" is missing an apostrophe. It should be "Alanis, the band's front woman, told me..."
"so I picked up a guitar learned a Nirvana tune and an Oasis tune."
There were multiple actions shown in this phrase. It should have a comma representing the sequence and difference of each action.
In the next paragraphs, you forgot to proofread the capitalizations, spaces and punctuation marks. Even if they are typographical errors, you have to make sure that they are proofread before you submit works.
"If He makes the joke I think he´s gonna make, “same time next year?” the smile which comes on my face now, is not one of amusement."
He. It should've been lowercased unless you're talking about God, which I don't think you are.
"I get up from the chair, walk past the guys taking the cameras apart. Come to a stair way, step out of some guys way. Descend, come to a reception area where some people arestading around."
Stop separating each action into sentences. It can be once sentence only with the presence of commas as separators.
"One guy with two girls, “your Gail right,” no I´m santa clause, “The one and only” still keeping that smile in check."
First if all, it should be "You're" not "your" because you are introducing someone not saying about something he owns. A few of these mistakes appeared in the next paragraphs.
“Sid,” he looks up from his 2by4 “were is Ally, its show time in about” I consult my watch “five minutes.”
Don't you think it's inappropriate to write 2by4 when it could be "two-by-four"? I do. Also, if you're asking the whereabouts of someone, the word should be "Where", not "were".
There are a lot of errors in punctuation marks and grammars. One more thing, if you're narrating, the tenses should most likely be in the past tense.
Well, all in all, this was a unique work, which is good because your concept is unlike any other. The good thing about this is that you are reflecting the thoughts and feelings of the protagonist clearly. With a little fixing, this could be a one of a kind work. Keep writing. I know you got it in you.
Sorry
I knew their were errors but by god. I really didn't think their was that much. You deserve a Falcon medal(an award that is given out to people that preform a great service to the country. Iceland if your wondering). So two things, I didn't know I was supposed to proof read before posting(sorry). And I know the narration is supposed to be past tense, the problem was and I guess still is that I just didn't want to write it like that. It wasn't supposed to be narration rather a stream of thoughts. Guess I mucked that up to.
Anyway I'm starting to ramble.
Thanks, se you around and all the best
Richard
Hi! Let's get right to it.
You have many grammatical errors, but I am certain that someone on here will take care of that for you. People on this site LOVE grammar. There is one spelling error that I will point out. You said Downtown Abby, but It's actually Downton Abbey. Only one w, and an extra e.
Alright, so there's a guy interviewing her. So why is "see you the same time next year," a joke? It doesn't sound like a joke to me. It just sounds like a statement. Don't just explain that to me, it needs to be included in your story.
Swearing. I understand why swearing is used in your story. She's a guitarist in a rock band, of course she curses. But there's a general rule about cursing in stories, which is that you shouldn't use it unless it's necessary. It is, of course, necessary in your story. But not in EVERY place you cursed. "What is it then, your real name. To hell with it, “Emily Blake Peterson, or Emmy or Em I answer to all three.”" I personally think the phrase "to hell with it" is unnecessary there, mostly because it's kind of used wrong. She also says "cuss" which doesn't make sense since "cuss" is a euphemism for curse. Kind of like "heck." Would she say "heck?"
So, why does the interviewer not believe the name "Gail Hawkings?" It seems like a perfectly normal name to me. Especially that knows for sure that "Hawkins" is fake, and is unsure of "Gail." Hawkins is a last name, a last name that many people have.
Two more things. I really just don't get the title. I mean, sure, that's the song she's playing at the end, but it doesn't encapsulate the story. And last, this seems more like a chapter than a short story. Is that what it is?
Hope this helped!
-Astronaut
First of all, thank you.
Both for your help and getting through my little story.
Honestly reading this again I see what you mean, the "see you the same time next year" is not a really a joke. Ill have to come up with some thing better.
I swear a lot, it's just the way I talk. So that almost always makes it's way in to my writing, the cuss out bit really doesn't do it your right about that. Ill ad that to the list.
I really don't know why he doesn't believe the name.
Silver was originally a song that I was trying to write, and when that sort of went to shit(could not come up with anything else to say, sorry") and this story came out. Silver was on the top of my word file that's all.
And to what this is, to tell you the whole truth and nothing but, I don't know. Maybe just a, window in to the head of the purple haired guitarist.
Anyway thank you for the thoughts.
All the best
Richard.
Welcome
The first line is from Oasis- Rock 'n Roll Star. Can I have a cookie?
Sure