Welcome to my world, my private little stage
My own morbid drama, blood on every page
I’ll send you the draft, sealed with distant tears
Maybe you’ll read it; I’d wait for years
Each one piercing my fragile heart like spears.
I star in this show, the Royal We
Me, Myself and I, it’s since been us three
An empty audience. Besides, no one will care
A shout over here and cry over there
I don’t think anyone else will hear of this sadistic affair.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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This was depressing, but good.
The beginning two lines were good.
Your rhyming pattern was consistant, but weird. The first two lines of a stanza, then the last three...
I would have liked this to be longer, since we can't really create a strong feeling as a reader in just two stanzas.
But if it's sadistic, who is bieng hurt? Isn't it only one person in the show? In that case, you would call it masacism...I don't know how to spell that.
Anyway. Very good writing. I enjoyed it.
-Sea-