Like the light of the rising sun;
Like the blessing of the rain showers.
Like the scent of the flowers;
Like the angels of heaven.
Like the twinkling of the stars,
Like the sensation of true love;
Like the wings of the flattering dove;
Like the waves of the infinite ocean.
Like the strips of the black and white zebra,
Like the beard of the roaring lion;
Like the words of the holy bible,
Like the eyes of the milking cow.
Like the colors of the rainbow;
But not like the moon's shadow.
And nothing like the environment of today,
That will surely drown us one day.
Such is the Purity of Nature,
I tell you, it's just a miniature.
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Hi there! Rose here for a review.
Warning: I might be a little harsh because there's a lot I personally did not like, but I'm not the best reviewer or an expert poet.
First off I DO like the feelings you showed and the words you used to describe the beauty of nature, which is sometimes hard to do.
I didn't like the repetitiveness. It got boring and dragged along. After the first few lines I lost interest in the poem because I was tired of reading "like the" at the beginning of each line, for those are really unneeded.
The over usage of commas was a bit tacky in the poem, making it drag more when reading.
I also would suggest dividing the lines
and
because even though it is the same topic and is still talking about nature, you are changing the mood, saying the opposite of what nature is.
Makes reading, reviewing, and writing easier.
Overall, the word choice was pretty, but it was really repetitive and dragged a bit.
I like this poem it shows your feelings for the nature and that is hard. I do not see any grammar problems at all. I would use less commas though, you really catch the reader and tell people what you feel and makes them feel the same way. You show them what you see and feel, maybe use your skills more and use your other senses, like smell and sound. You would get a lot more people reading it then you do now, overall good work and keep it up.
Thanks a lot