z

Young Writers Society


16+

Viggo's Break - Chapter 9.1 - The accomplice

by papillote


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

Peter "Viggo" Carlsen, a disgraced cop, has escaped from jail with the help of Nyssa, an old friend. Russel Pierce, Nyssa's fiancé and the cop who framed Viggo for a murder he didn't commit, is trying to wriggle his way into the manhunt.

To know more, read Chapter 8.2.

“Alright, guys, I would like you to meet Marshal Terry Rotwell and FBI agents Liam Jenks and Lara Mavrici. They're in charge of the search for Linred and Carlsen. Marshal, agents, I would like you to meet Detectives Flores, Reims and Pierce. The three of them were part of the Defoe investigation and they all knew Carlsen. They've been notifying everyone involved in his trial and arrest.”

Cordello stepped back, leaving the three detectives ample opportunity to stare at the federal agents. Rotwell, the Marshal, was the youngest one. He looked like he was coming straight out of college. He casually waved at them. Jenks was a wiry fifty-something black man who didn't seem to have a smile left in him. Mavrici's, kind and open, somewhat made up for that. A good decade younger, she had prematurely gray hair and warm chocolate brown eyes.

She gave the detectives her hand to shake. “So nice to meet y’all. I’m so glad we can count on your expertise and inside knowledge.”

When his turn came, Reims asked her, “Why are you here? You believe Carlsen or Linred are coming to San Francisco?”

The look in her eyes became sharp again, “It's likely. We think they’ve left the Saint-Paul area. We got a bit of a late start on that one. We had hopes of getting Carlsen, since he was injured and probably suffered from hypothermia, but a search of the nearby habitations, hotels and motels in the immediate area has turned up nothing. Lots of guests paid cash, but nobody saw a man fitting his description.”

Mavrici glanced at Jenks and he picked up the explanation where she had left it, “It's time to change our focus. We're removing the manhunt from the immediate area.”

Reims asked again, “Why San Francisco?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Why are you here in San Francisco?” he insisted. “Linred is from San Jose, right? Have you decided, to hell with him, or what?”

Jenks kicked the ball back in Mavrici's court. Clearly, those two had been partners for a while.

“No,” Mavrici replied. “Not at all but fact is, Linred was a drifter, a loner. He's got no ties to anyone or anywhere. We're going to find him – eventually – but it won't be someplace from his past. He doesn't care about places any more than he cares about people.”

“What about Carlsen?” Flores asked, clearly itching to get on topic.

“Hard as it may be to admit, our profilers agree that Carlsen isn't a sociopath. Now that he’s out there on the run, he'll be tempted to return to places and people that once made him feel safe.”

“Why would he feel any safer here? Don’t tell me it’s his fond memories of San Francisco.”

Russ nodded to Flores' statement. “That's true. We've been visiting people he used to know. He’s got no friends left in town.”

Even Carlsen's mother had been horrified by the news of his escape. Snobbish bitch. She had shoved them out the door.

“You can't be sure of that. I've been studying up on Carlsen's file.” Mavrici's dark eyes sparkled with intelligence. “He never confessed, correct?”

Flores answered, “That's right.”

“Which is the reason why, although he is famous for being a dirty cop, Carlsen only went down for the Defoe murders.”

“So?” the idiot retorted, looking defensive.

“So, you might have put him behind bars, but you didn't get his network. You've got no idea who he might have been involved with. You've got no idea how much money he made or what he did with it. As I see it, we've got two options. We can either pick up your investigation where you left it eight years ago or we can determine what Carlsen's current objectives might be.”

Flores silently bristled at the idea of the feds going over his investigation again. Russ didn't want the Feds to dig into the past, but he'd rather be involved in this new mess, beginning to end. “How do you propose we do that?”

“Let's divide and conquer. Detective Flores, you were in charge of the investigation, right? Let's work together.” Marvici smiled kindly. “You can go over everything with me and we'll see if any new leads might have surfaced. We've got means you didn't have at the time, but your insights would be priceless.” Flores nodded. He still looked offended, but she was playing up to his ego like a pro. “Thank you. I'm sure we will make a good team. Marshal Rotwell, you…”

For the first time, the young man spoke up, “I'm going to organize systematic visits to all his old haunts: old houses, old apartments, old workplaces, old CIs, etc.”

Cordello stepped in, “We've put a list together for you.”

They had expected something like that. Search-parties were a very methodical process. A big part of the job was compiling lists of places and associates.

“Thanks. Which one of you knew him best?” Rotwell asked.

Reims and Flores immediately looked Russ's way, which was perhaps to be expected. The captain nodded approvingly, “Pierce was his partner, he can help you with that. And Pierce, maybe Malik could…”

“No,” he said, shutting her down drily. “Leave Nyssa alone.”

“But, Pierce…”

“No,” he repeated more forcefully. He always got a kick out of playing protective alpha male around Nyssa. Females cooed every damn time. “She doesn't know he’s out yet, and I don't want her to find out.”

Of course, Rotwell wanted to know, “Who is Malik?”

“Nyssa Malik,” Cordello said. “She is a crime tech. She was very close to Carlsen.”

“She's also my fiancée,” Russ told them. “She hit a rough patch after Carlsen's arrest. Almost drank herself into an early grave.”

The captain inserted rather forcefully, “But she’s fine now, and Captain Levowsky tells me her work's been flawless.”

Russ had to turn away and hide his smirk. Levowsky still didn't trust her. He wouldn't trust Nyssa ever again. Russ had made sure of that. It had been so much fun – ruining her self-confidence, getting her drunk before she had to testify in court, sneaking into her computer when she was passed out in bed, watching her break, bit by bit by bit. He had enjoyed ruining her career as much as he had enjoyed ruining her sex life.

“Maybe, but she's still very fragile. I refuse to involve her in this.” He met their eyes, each pair in turn. “I know more than she does about Carlsen. She was even angrier, even more hurt than I was after his betrayal.” He looked Rotwell squarely in his youngish face, “I’ll help you, Marshal, but you leave my girlfriend alone.”

The kid nodded.

“Good. Well, that leaves you and Jenks, detective Reims. I’d like you two to look into the last eight years of Carlsen’s life.”

“How are we going to do that?” Reims asked. “Isn’t everything under the rubble on Saint-Paul Island?”

Jenks cleared his throat. “Not everything. I thought we could start out with a couple of former inmates I’ve tracked down. Past cellmates of Carlsen’s, prisoners who came in contact with him.”

Reims made a face, then shrugged. “That’s a starting point, I suppose.”

To know more about the manhunt, read Chapter 9.2.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
76 Reviews


Points: 908
Reviews: 76

Donate
Fri Jun 02, 2017 12:39 pm
View Likes
Dest wrote a review...



Hey, I saw this in the Green Room, and I thought I would try my best to review it (or give my thoughts)!

...Linred is a psychopathic drifter. He has no attach, no family.

I think you mean "attachments" unless "attach" is some type of law enforcement lingo.

They had expected something like that. People usually imagined uniformed search-parties with dogs and shotguns. A manhunt looked a little like that maybe, but only in the beginning and truth was, most of the hunting was done from a desk using a phone-book and Internet. It was a very methodical process. First, law enforcements compiled a list of all the places the fugitive might go to for safety, of all the known associates the escapee was likely to run to for help. Then, they went through it, one name at a time. Those they could visit in person, they did. Those who were too far or away or, for some reason, impossible to visit, they called.


I used to think the same thing when I was younger until I would see news shows asking for a fugitive/runaway prisoner's whereabout or leads.
Just a suggestion but maybe if you mentioned some of your characters' tasks, it would seem less info-dumpy. Like Rotwell, being the friendly one, visited the houses of the associates, and Jenks, being more austere, did the phone calls, and Marvci— You get the idea.

Russ had to turn away and hide his smirk. Levowsky still didn't trust her. He wouldn't trust her ever again. Russ had made sure of that. It had been so much fun he had actually considered telling her how he would sneak into her computer after she had drunk herself into unconsciousness. He had enjoyed ruining her career as much as he had enjoyed ruining her sex life.


What? So Russ's is a jerk, and he ruined this chick's career! ಠ_ಠ

Ahem. Anyway, I found this very interesting. It's a lot of behind-the-scenes work going on but it wasn't tiresome to read. Sometimes, I just skim over information like that, but I didn't feel the need to do that here.
SN: Jenks' dry wit is amusing too. I just imagine him with the bushiest eyebrows for some reason.




papillote says...


Hi, Dest.
Thank you for the review. It's clearly not the most thrilling part of the story.
I really like Reims and Jenks too. They are a bit underdeveloped in this story. I think I will go over it again and give them a bigger part to play.
I hope I will read from you again soon.



User avatar
1735 Reviews


Points: 91980
Reviews: 1735

Donate
Wed May 17, 2017 2:27 pm
View Likes
BluesClues wrote a review...



OH NO if they put a face to the name I'm 98% sure they're going to know it's Nyssa, unless she was wearing a getup when she visited, but I don't remember that being the case. Oh no.

People usually imagined uniformed search-parties with dogs and shotguns. A manhunt looked a little like that maybe, but only in the beginning and truth was, most of the hunting was done from a desk using a phone-book and Internet. It was a very methodical process. First, law enforcements compiled a list of all the places the fugitive might go to for safety, of all the known associates the escapee was likely to run to for help. Then, they went through it, one name at a time. Those they could visit in person, they did. Those who were too far or away or, for some reason, impossible to visit, they called.

Once they had drawn a blank, they got back to their desk and they did it all over again, extending the parameters of their search until they found their quarry.


And just after I got done saying it never came across awkwardly, all the research you'd done! Honestly I think the main reason this came across that way was the "first," "then," "next" like you're describing a process in an essay or something. Although really you could just show us this process to the extent you're able, or hint at it with the orders they receive, just like you've done with everything else.

Also, it was unclear whose perspective this was in until around here.

“So?” the idiot retorted, looking defensive.


If the whole story was this way, sort of omniscient, I wouldn't comment on it, but I noticed it pretty much immediately because, so far, every chapter has been Viggo, Nyssa, or Russ, clearly and right from the start. I don't mind having another character's POV introduced here and there - like at the end of this chapter, when we're in Officer Reims' (or at least it seems like we are), but it threw me at the start where there was no clear viewpoint character.

In other news: UGH. What exactly did Russ do to ruin her career? But then again I kind of almost don't even want to know.

Image




papillote says...


I'm taking notes. I will have to go back over this part.



papillote says...


A little better?



BluesClues says...


So what I'm gathering from all these comments is "I should go read through this again" (which p.s. YES OKAY).



papillote says...


:D
I've finally had time to re-write everything taking all the reviews into account. I'm curious to see if it's okay.



BluesClues says...


Awesome :) I'll try to start in on it in the next few days. Poke me if you don't get any new reviews/comments from me this week.



papillote says...


Deal.




they say money can't buy happiness, but what they don't realize is that money *can* buy novelty socks.
— blueca