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Viggo's Break - Chapter 5 - Manhunt

by papillote


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

Viggo and Nyssa are together again but a manhunt is being organised to catch them.

To know more, read Chapter 4.2.

Russ left Mark's place around three and drove himself home. It was a joyous thing, having that place to himself – or it would have been, if not for the Iceberg’s ghost.

He went to sleep thinking about Peter Carlsen, he dreamed of the bastard and he woke up angry, itching to shove Carlsen’s rules and morals down his throat. Of course, the fucker wasn’t within choking distance. Russ had to comfort himself imagining everything that had no doubt gone down that same throat in jail. But, then, the fear and doubts would ambush him at odd moments in the day: Carlsen's sense of superiority, his condescension were doing that to him – still working their damn curse, even after everything.

Russ was in a rotten mood at six when a phone-call pulled him out of his shower.

The current bane of his professional existence, Captain Breen Cordello, summoned him to work. She sounded pretty pissed herself. Surly as he felt, there was no way he would risk incurring her wrath. He got dressed and drove downtown like a bat from hell. The radio was on, and he quickly understood why the old hag had barked like she had a broomstick stuck up her wrinkled ass: Mark's exclusive had lasted all of two hours. News of the escape were all over the airwaves.

He found Cordello shut in her office with Denis Reims, Helen Defoe's old partner, and Robbie Flores. Flores was an idiot – but occasionally useful. He had been the main investigator in the Defoe murders and he had allowed Russ to formally arrest Peter Carlsen. Cuffing his partner had been one of the highlights of Russ's career.

“Close the door behind you, Pierce.” Russ did. “We've got a problem.”

“I heard on the radio,” he replied.

Cordello nodded. “The media are playing it cool for now. They’re still busy with news of the earthquake.”

“It won't last,” Reims interjected.

He was a huge man in his fifties, strong as an ox, and his voice always sounded like it was coming out of a grave. Russ didn't really know him, except that Reims had a wife and a couple of girls, and didn't socialize with other cops.

“Sensationalism,” he dubbed it, shrugging a little.

“Last thing we need,” Cordello told them. “I've been fielding calls all morning – from everyone, the police commissioner, CNN, everyone. Whenever Carlsen's name comes up, people start casting aspersion on this department's probity. I won't stand for it. Maybe Carlsen was dirty but he was alone in this!”

If only she knew…

Flores said, “We’ve got to join in the search effort. Make it clear that we want Carlsen back behind bars.”

A gloating Russ wanted to say, “I told you so.

He abstained. He didn't want to bear the brunt of Cordello’s simmering annoyance.

“Fact is,” she grumbled, “they don't want us there. It's already a zoo. The sheriff's people are running left and right, from the search effort to the rescue effort. The FBI joined in and even the Marshals sent someone. They don't need us.”

Russ thought about what Mark had told him early that morning before he left her place. She knew people in the sheriff office and, according to her, the search effort was chaotic indeed.

“What are they doing, exactly?” he asked.

“Well…They’ve searched every inch of the island. A small boat was stolen from a hangar. Not by Carlsen – we don’t think so. Looks like he swam. A search party found the place he likely landed, but they lost him again. Several times.” She turned toward Russ and nodded, acknowledging the soundness of his warnings. “He's a crafty one, everybody agrees on that. The FBI has deployed choppers, but they can’t use infrared cameras – the area isn't remote enough.”

“So that's it?” Russ growled.

“No, it's not. They've set up roadblocks. And since the medias have gotten wind of the escape, someone needs to hold a news conference. The FBI and the Marshals want to play down their involvement, and the sheriff office has more important things to organize right now. Considering the…circumstances, I've offered to take care of it.”

“When?” Reims asked.

“Later this morning. The FBI has set up a hotline. We’re going to appeal to the public for help.”

“Are they offering up a reward?”

“We all are. The FBI has offered a $20,000 reward for information and the Marshals are offering a $30,000 reward for the lot of them, or $10,000 each. We'll contribute – I'm waiting for the higher-ups to settle on an amount.”

“They should also search motels, bungalows, secondary residences and…”

“Thank you, Flores,” Cordello snapped. “I would never have thought about it by myself, especially considering that Carlsen's reported to be wounded.”

That, Russ hadn't heard yet, and he was delighted. The part of him that gloated at the idea of Carlsen's pain just had to ask, “Hurt in the earthquake, hm?”

“Who knows? But they found blood on his trail.” She shrugged. “They're scouring the area for potential shelters – focusing on empty houses and seedy motels. They've got too little manpower to move on to the classier places for now.”

“Why…?” Flores asked.

What a moron …

Russ answered for Cordello, “Let’s say he's got the cash. Where would he get a credit card to cover incidentals?”

The captain nodded once, sharply, in approval.

“So, what do we do, boss?” he inquired.

“Carlsen's got lots of enemies in this city. They need to know he's somewhere out there. The three of you are going to put together a list of possible targets and you're going to go through it. Police protection will be granted if they want it.”

Russ nodded. He knew from experience that she wouldn’t be talked out of it.

“As for the three of you, I'll have black and whites drive by your places.” She frowned, clearly worried. “He's got good reason to hate you all.”

“But, boss,” Russ started protesting.

Being under watch, even for his own good, would tie his hands. But she glared at him and he shut up.

“I don't want to hear it, Pierce. We're not giving him a crack at you.” Her expression softened somewhat with understanding. “I get it, I wouldn't like it either but it's not that bad. And if he goes after you, we won't have to give him chase, hm?”

To see more of Viggo and Nyssa, read Chapter 6.1.


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Thu May 11, 2017 10:06 am
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Kaylaa wrote a review...



This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review!

Russ' day started unusually early. He had left Mark's place around three and driven himself home. It was a joyous thing, having that place to himself. He went to sleep thinking about Peter Carlsen. He dreamt of the bastard, of all his rules and his morals, of his condescension.


The flow of the last sentence in this first paragraph is a little off to me. Perhaps ending the line before the second 'of' used here and then again after 'morals' and adding in 'He dreamt' to begin those lines would the beneficial. It could also potentially hurt the flow, though I suggest that you experiment around with that for a better wording.

So I don't mind cursing, let me get that much out of the way. I do mind cursing when it's not used for any particular reason, or when it doesn't fit the story. That's what I felt in the case of some of these paragraphs. For an example, I'll point out this paragraph:

She summoned him. She already sounded pissed as hell. There was no way he would risk incurring her wrath personally. He got dressed and he drove downtown like a bat from hell. He barely even took the pain of turning on the radio. When he did, though, he understood why the old hag had barked after him like someone had shoved a broomstick up her wrinkled ass: Mark's exclusive had lasted all of two hours. News of the escape were all over the airwaves.


What else I don't enjoy about this paragraph is that it tells us this information instead of showing us this information. Maybe the reader would be more accepting if you chose to show the reader with an actual scene instead of just telling us this. I have a hint of forgiveness for this since it's at the beginning of the chapter, but all I see it as is exposition.

There are times that you should use the passive voice, and times that you should use the active voice. The active voice helps flesh out your story with an actual scene going on with dialogue and other elements exclusive to that, while the passive voice is rooted in telling, or as the name says, being more passive. Meanwhile, the active voice is the noun of the sentence being more active.

Moving away from that and into what I liked about the chapter, what I do like is the dialogue of this chapter which is pretty realistic. At least in my standards, and I always enjoy seeing that. At times it does get a little lengthy and I'd like a breather from reading it, though overall it's a positive aspect of this work. There's a lack of description and imagery here (I don't think it would hurt to add some to build the atmosphere), but generally this novel doesn't seem to need that as much since it's more mystery and suspense as you've labelled it.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask. I hope I helped and have a great day.

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papillote says...


Hi, it took me a while but I reworked entirely the first paragraph you had trouble with.



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BluesClues wrote a review...



Being under watch, even for his own good, would tie up his hands. But she glared at him and he shut up.


GOOD.

The seedier motels are also a possibility. Since they have very little manpower, they've not yet moved on to the classier places.”


Ah, so *that's* why it was smart of Nyssa to get them the honeymoon suite.

Alas, I don't have much to say about this chapter. Which I guess is because it's well done, for what it is. Not much happened, but it never dragged or felt boring or like, "UGH, when are we going to get back to the other characters?" (Except a little bit, but only because Russ is the worst.) It was like that scene of flurried activity in every TV show where the protagonist cops find out some dangerous prisoner escaped...except in this case we're actually rooting for the escaped prisoner, and at least one of the cops is a horrible, horrible person that we would gladly see die a slow and painful death.

I'm curious, though, is the prison actually in Captain Cordello & Company's jurisdiction? I mean, it's such a high-security/high-profile prison break that it makes perfect sense the FBI and whoever would be all over it. It also makes sense that the FBI wouldn't want their help - both because it's the FBI and because the most infamous escapee is from their department originally, so potential conflict of interest there (we know there's really not, but it would be assumed) - and that the department would scramble to protect potentially endangered people in their jurisdiction. I was just curious as to whether or not they also have the frustration of "We SHOULD be helping because this is OUR turf, darn it!"

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papillote says...


Hi, Blueafrica.
Once again, thank you for your review.

Chapter 5 was not meant to be riveting. It's not a filler either but it's only meant to build up suspense while not getting us especially further in the story.
The only real interest of the scene was to introduce Marshal Rotwell, FBI agents Jenks and Mavrici and Detectives Flores and Reims. I know we already saw Reims and Flores before but it was from Russ's POV and I want to give them more importance in the rest of the novel - maybe even more than I did in this first version.

Additionally, I must admit that I'm a big fan of Double Jeopardy, The fugitive and US Marshals. I have seen those movies at least a hundred times each. When I was little, I thought all Americans were gruff like Tommy Lee Jones saying, "Alright, listen up, ladies and gentlemen, our fugitive has been on the run for ninety minutes. Average foot speed over uneven ground barring injuries is 4 miles-per-hour. That gives us a radius of six miles. What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in that area. Checkpoints go up at fifteen miles. Your fugitive's name is Dr. Richard Kimble. Go get him."
I wanted my own little manhunt.

As for jurisdictions, no, Saint-Paul is not in their jurisdiction but I imagined it to be in the Bay area. I'm not sure how it would work in real life. I'm a law student, but France isn't a federation. It makes law enforcement issues must simpler: la Police Nationale has jurisdiction in the urban areas and la Gendarmerie, which is part of the Army, takes care of the countryside.

Anyway, Chapter 6.1 should be more to your taste. Read from you soon, I hope.



BluesClues says...


Oh, I still enjoyed it. I kind of liked getting to see the police get on the case, in whichever ways they were able. It just sort of surprised me, since not much actually happened.




I was never insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.
— Edgar Allan Poe