She walks with her head up tall
Through the whispering halls
And the gleam in their eyes.
See, her secret's out
But they don't know shit about
They twist her words into lies.
Annie was in love
Or that's what she thought.
With a boy who was still
Running from the cops.
With his hand held out
She didn't have time to doubt.
What a fucked up lie!
Couple months later
And she almost forgot
Til she looked at her belly
And she almost popped.
Tried to call him again
But no one's seen him since.
What an idiot!
So she's left on her own
To raise her baby alone.
As her family's shame.
"Get rid of the kid
And we'll completely forget
That you blackened your name."
Just a fucking shame!
So baby momma,
I can't tell you what to do.
Cry your eyes out
Then put on your shoes.
Let's take a walk away this town.
Maybe one day you'll finally break that frown.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey paperbackheart,
Great poem and loved the journey you took me through. A little constructive criticism?
The rhyming made the poem flow really well, but maybe try it without rhyming and if
you do want to stick with rhyming, maybe leave the swear words out, not because of their
'rudeness' (I don't care that much...) but because it creates some imbalance in the poem.
The poem seems somewhat gentle and smooth with the rhyming and all, but the swear
words introduce a different mood all together.
Otherwise, well done. This truly is a narrative poem and it was hard to grasp the concept
or story of. Great title choice too!
Miyakko.
Very emotional. Love the story it tells.
All I want to point out is did you actually mean "what a fucked up lie"? Or was that supposed to be "life"? I don't know; life made more sense in my head.
And... That's it. I really don't want to say anything else according to mechanics or anything since I'm not the most inept poet. lol
xo gummies
love the bold use of the emotions.
but the poem on the whole lacks a theme in certain.
poetry is a form of expressing thoughts in the most elegant form. usage of the slag words really confuses the emotions. but like the way it starts off.