Eyes glazed over
my brain has been reduced to sludge
the consistency of a slurpee
in the field
sixth graders frolic
how i wish i were there
and not rotting under stark flourecent lighting
their innocent eleven year old brains
free of cubic trinomials
like an anchor on my ankle
as I struggle against the cruel sea
of public education
I can feel myself becoming sickly and weak
I wish the pain was over
And I could finally
Die.
They whine to us about exercise
but keep us locked indoors
sitting by slabs of plastic
scribbing graphite on dead trees
when will it end?
the bell rings in ten minutes
five
two
one
free us, teacher, free us!
Should I start my homework?
No! he took my paper
how cruel
how will this be useful
in our later lives?
will it help us
find purpose
or the meaning of life?
nay
polynomials are but kind words for torture
the bell has rung!
freedom at last.
until tomorrow at 10:16
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I like the gist of the poem, and have written many poems of a similar nature on the borders of my math homework, however, I find the stanza
to be awkwardly phrased.
I also think that the stanza before () a bit melodramatic, and because this is a fairly superficial topic (bored in math class) it sounds whiney.
This is cute and funny, but I feel like I've read it before. See, there are a billion other poems out there JUST LIKE this one that express the same feelings about school and the final moment of relief when the bell rings.
Try, try, try to make it more original. Even if you haven't read the thousands of poems about waiting for the bell to ring, I can assure you with confidence, they exist.
To turn your feelings into something that original (but still relates to your audience), try talking about thoughts running through your head during math class or talk about what an inverse graph symbolizes for you. At the moment, this is like a rant with line breaks. Turn it into a thought, an image, a moment in time that inspires something, with line breaks.
-Colleen