Published November 9, 2011
The serpentine path winds ever forward;
it twists and turns and curls, indecisive.
Tis sly and quick as it slithers onward.
It treads carefully but still impulsive.
A foe so cunning, sleuthy and willing!
To defeat him, strategy will prevail;
be positive, limber, and fulfilling!
Tis too easy when fighting snake to fail.
So loose your limbs in preparation now.
The avenues ahead are full of mow.
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Very nice. Good use of vocabulary. Good ideas. I have one problem though. I know you used "Tis" so that the lines would fit as an iambic pentameter but I think it sounds a bit out of place. The rest of the language is poetic but not Elizabethan poetic so when you slip in "Tis" it sounds a bit wierd. But now on to the good stuff.
Great poem all in all! Keep writing.
Hi there paintingtherain97!
The punctuation seems kind of weird... but the truth is that I'm not sure whether if it's wrong or not, because I'm horrible punctuating. xD
You've got style, my friend! XD Okay, so this poem is certainly different from what I've read. You have nice vocabulary, and you seem to make amazing stuff with just a few words.
But you've done an amazing job! Keep it up!
~Solly<3
I like this I did'nt find anything wrong but thats me im more on a spelling person not a looking at things like " ;< ,, thats is not my strong point.