Published August 30, 2011
She carries with her
a constant companion,
a friend and a foe
who will never part:
the incessant bite
of unslaked hunger.
She knows how it works,
that skinny girls win
and she will be famous
if she remains thin.
She needs to be known
to young and to old
an actress, a singer,
with a body like gold.
And so each day
more ribs are shown
but her name is still
so, so unknown.
But she keeps it up
to keep her weight down,
and she will show up
in hollywood
in a size-one gown.
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141,312 Literary Works • 674,341 Reviews
This is well written, it has a very good flow and rhythm! While you captured a lot of the idea of being lost in society's ideals and wanting so badly to be successful and famous, I think you made it seem all about weight and being able to fit in the smallest size. I think you need to mention or focus more on the inadequacy society makes people feel and the self criticism and comparison than just wanting to be skinny because thats what the media tells us.
But otherwise, like I said before, it is really good! Keep it up!
Thanks
Wow. Incredible. Your poem is filled with emotion and your voice is heard. There is a sadness within the words. This girl is lost and cries out for help but in society today it's only a resounding echo. Keep up the great work. It was really touching.