You think I don't see
how you cling to shadow,
like my skin to me
and flowers to meadow.
A puzzle, you are,
with pieces missing.
Your words are far,
but your eyes fizzing.
I'm onto you!
Don't you see?
I am like glue,
so stick to me!
You are a mystery,
and I want to know
your shrouded history
and make you glow.
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Canary word: Present
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125,012 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Hey Hey..You HAD me at the first stanza, the use of that simile as all I needed! I agree with rain. Very good imagery and you flow is nice too.
My only problem is your subjest manner your fizzing and the glowing confused me. Now it's poosible you wanted to leave it open-ended, but for me as reader, usually, I like the author to be direct with me and tell whats going on. Or in this cases who/what fizzs and glows. The brain likes things that puts everything together, so maybe if you were just a little clearer on that. Side note Fizz is a little bit of a stretch to rhyme with miss..
Suggestions I could make for something to replace fizzing;
seducing
uh it is 4:30am so I'll add more for ya later on today haha
Hey Hey..You HAD me at the first stanza, the use of that simile as all I needed! I agree with rain. Very good imagery and you flow is nice too.
My only problem is your subjest manner your fizzing and the glowing confused me. Now it's poosible you wanted to leave it open-ended, but for me as reader, usually, I like the author to be direct with me and tell whats going on. Or in this cases who/what fizzs and glows. The brain likes things that puts everything together, so maybe if you were just a little clearer on that. Side note Fizz is a little bit of a stretch to rhyme with miss..
Suggestions I could make for something to replace fizzing;
seducing
uh it is 4:30am so I'll add more for ya later on today haha
Great poem. I love the language and the subject matter.
Great poem. Keep writing.