Young Writers Society

This would be much better if you didn't force rhymes.

Seems like a sweet poem and all, but it's all so awfully stilted and odd because you've tried to force rhymes into every line. Freeform isn't a sin of poetry, in fact it's quite good when the alternative is trying to make rhymes like this.

Try rewriting it, and just make the words flow naturally, without trying to make everything rhyme.

~Aet

I really liked this piece. The parental image is something that anyone recognizes and smiles at. I've got to say, I was worried when I saw the title of this piece. I somehow thought it would be a very dark poem. I have no idea why. I thought I was walking into "Oedipus Rex", but what I really found was "How Do You Love Me"? Actually, if you haven't read it, take a look for the poem "How Do You Love Me", because any poetry parent related makes me think of it. I wish I could put up a link, but I just tried a google search and found nothing for some reason. Fair enough, I don't know the name of the writer who wrote it, so that makes the search harder, but the point is that it's a good, mildly famous poem that makes me think of yours.

Have a nice day!

First of all, I love this--the subject, the way it's written, it's beautiful. Tears would have come to my eyes if I was one of those people who cry at such things--I don't, sorry. I wish I could cry, because this is so beautiful. I love my mom, and it shows in this poem that you love yours! Great, great job. Love the subject.
Tata!
-Mizzle

Hey there!

My main problem with this is the flow. The rhymes make it seem kind of bad, which is sad because you've chosen such a lovely subject choice! Some of the lines, especially:

I remember that often in your arms with sleep I would sink,

While in the cradle, for me you were the knowledge ‘s link.

Very sweet of you to write to your mom. When I have a son, I hope he loves writing just as much as I do. You're great (:
I'm tennis, by the way.

But on seeing me, radiated from your body a joy pure.

All the advices you have given me in the young days,

I follow them with success-tis I pray.

Very nice... here's just a few comments.

I remember the day I was born,

I cried a lot, for, from your loving body I was torn.

For nine months my kicks and punches you had to endure,

But on seeing me, radiated from your body a joy pure.

I remember that often in your arms with sleep I would sink,

While in the cradle, for me you were the knowledge ‘s link.

I remember my bad health and sleepless nights you had to endure,

I am asleep-you would sleep only after making that sure.

Many-a-times you resisted the offices lure,

You would not work until I had a cure.

And as I see you, you are quite a sight,

The aura which emit has become very bright.

For me, you shall always remain a symbol of might

And also a giver of hope’s light.

All the advices you have given me in the young days,

I follow them with success-tis I pray.

And when I die and am put in a tomb,

My only wish would be to again be in your womb.

Aww, this is so nice!

I love how you have travelled through your life, and put not only the bad, that your mum had to help you with, but the good that kept you guys strong.

This is really pretty, I really love it.

P.S I'm starring it.

~Mo.