Okay, so what I feel you need to improve on is instead of telling me things I want you to show me, it's always way more fun reading poems where there's little examples of things...I know that doesn't make much sense, but I don't know any other way to put it sorry.
When you're doing rhyming poetry, just remember to keep it loose. It doesn't always have to rhyme, and if it works better without the rhyme...then just don't worry about it. A lot of the time it's better to not have it rhyme then to try and force it, because when you force it the reader can normally tell.
When I read it at first I though of a fairy tale, haha keep writing.
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