A Hopeful Window

There isn't really anything I can say that has not been said. Perhaps it should be longer. I really liked it despite the fact I'm not the biggest poetry fan so kudos to you!

I agree with silverfin713 a beautiful mix of emotion which is a very unique effect. Very definite poem and yet very ambiguous. Commas and full stops are very well used. I get an overwhelming sense of admiration for who this is about, it is an almost glimmering heartache if that is even possible. However be careful with the whole 'windows to your soul' thing... used too much and you're better than it. Please write more, these are my kind of poems.

Love and Respect X

This is a very interesting poem. I went from happy to sad, happy to sad while reading it, which was a cool effect, since most poems stay sad most of the way then end with a happy ending. I like how you describe their eyes as "windows to your soul". It is a creative way to express it. My favorite line?
"....And fix your colors polluted by black.." What an amazing, beautiful line! Also, the last line really packs a punch, too. It's sorta mysterious, to me anyhow. I would maybe add more to the poem, though? Like what the relationship is between these two people or maybe what caused their eyes to shine with pain. Anyway, keep writing!

I loved how you incorporated such great emotion. It sucked me in, it's one of those poems you wish would never end.
Your conventions and flow were flawless as well.

My favorite part:
I see your dark eyes shine, so full of pain,
Your smile, once bright, now gone from your face.
Inside you are struggling to remain sane,
As your spirit erodes without a trace.
Each day that you wake, you try to be strong
But your eyes serve as windows to your soul,
And just as the notes in a somber song
We see that your heart is taking its toll.
A reflection now seen through broken glass,
Visions of hope are something that you lack.
We hope, my hope, your hurt will come to pass,
And fix your colors polluted by black.
I know you will heal slowly over time.
Your heart has always been stronger than mine.
I loved it all and I hope to read more of your work!

w&w

That was really good! You kept my attention the entire time, and there was lots of feeling in it! There weren't any mistakes that I could tell, so a plus on that! Your words flowed easily, and you used different words well. Overall I think that this was a really well written piece! I can't wait to read more from you! If you have any questions, just message me! Good job, and keep writing!

--Jalmoc