Published May 22, 2010
Possession, fear, reassurance in love,
are things said to come for me from the ones above.
I don't know the truth in these things I'm told,
I just want to stop this feeling of unbearable cold.
All my fears, all my regrets,
stand before me, unreachable, yet.
I must say goodbye, and see them all away.
Because this could be my penultimate day.
No one can prepare me for what they have not seen.
No kindness can save me, for I am unclean.
Now I have to make my journey, around the bend.
To summon all my courage, and face the rainbow's end.
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141,357 Literary Works • 674,380 Reviews
Hello Kyollorc
This is an interesting poem. It's very well written and I love your use of language. Using the commas on the first line of every stanza really separates stanza. The last line is my favorite
It really sums up the point and the voice this poem is trying to make. It's always a shame when writers write a great poem but fail to sum it up. I also like your use of adjectives. There are no boring ones in here Which really livens the piece.
In conclusion, this is a good poem, with nice flow and story.
Hello, there. You might want to get around to reviewing other members' works. It'll not only get you more reviews in turn, but it's good practice for your own writing. Pointing out what other people do well and what mistakes they make can help you learn to spot your own strengths and weaknesses.
As BlueRaspberry already mentioned, the rhythm is off, so the rhyme doesn't work as well as it could. Rhythm is very important in poetry, and in rhyming poetry, especially. An easy way to make sure your rhythm is fairly consistent is to count the syllables of each line. Reading your poetry aloud is also a good way to catch if your rhythm is off or not.
Your punctuation could use a bit of work. It's nothing major; you have some unnecessary punctuation and periods where commas should be. Poetry is generally punctuated the same as prose, and so not every line needs to end in a piece of punctuation.
Another thing you need to work on is your imagery. There wasn't much in this poem, and what you had was pretty common. Since poetry is so brief and there are so many poems out there, there needs to be something unique about your poem that will make stand out among all those other poems. Unique imagery is one way to make your poem stand out. Right now, however, this poem is lacking that uniqueness.
Overall, it's not a bad poem, but it's not a good poem, either.
Nice poem! I like the rhyming and the subject, but...
I guess I'm just really picky, as I'm a perfectionist. But the rhythm's not quite right, and that annoys me a lot. Also, the meaning is not very clear to me. Maybe you made it to be that way, but I don't know.
Otherwise, awesome everything!
Blue