Affliction

This is a mock epic we did in creative writing. Please critique honestly. Thank you.


A pale pen hovered in the air,
Tempting it’s bearer with a dare.
A dare to elevate his mind,
Within which swirled an incarnation.
An idea unworthy of attention,
One even the boy could bind.

Upon an apparition fell his stare,
Which turned to him with little care.
‘To standards you must be blind.’
From the ghost burst a wild incarnation,
A mortal king who sought ascension.
‘Behold Gilgamesh*, the first of his kind.’

‘Behold and escape realities lair.’
With this, the ghost deigned to disappear,
Daring the boy to act in kind,
To unleash an untamed incarnation.
Desire fought apprehension,
For who willingly loses their mind?

With a breath the boy disposed of fear,
And of the shackles of despair.
So began the ascension of his mind
To the realm of Shin* and his creation.
Pale light drew his attention,
As he wondered what contract he’d just signed.

A sudden darkness seemed to lay him bare,
To draw from him a blinding glare;
Within him rose a rage blind,
Driven by his restless incarnation.
His mind strained with unknown tension
As he swore to pay Shin in kind.

‘Fool, gods are not so rare,
Nor are the burdens they must bare.
You know not to what I am deaf or blind.
You, who fail to know your own intention,
Cannot fathom the pain of my creation
Nor the waning of my mind.’

So the boy fell to realities lair,
Unable to take the ghostly dare,
To make vulnerable his mind.
From his view faded the apparition,
Face contorted in frustration.
Would he ever find a mind of his kind?

*Gilgamesh: Main character in first (some argue one of first) recorded story: Epic of Gilgamesh
*Shin: Shortened form of Shin-eqi-unninni; author of Epic of Gilgamesh

---Ohi D.