Chapter one: That Was a Nightmare
Being a teenage girl is the worst, you worry how you look, smell, act, how people see you plus more. But being me is a nightmare, I have social anxiety, friend anxiety (yes, they are different things), ADHD, dyslexia, struggle to remember things (you have to tell me the same piece of information about 10 times), drowning in school, and oh, did I mention I’m a half blood. If you do not know what a half blood is it demigod, meaning a person who is half-human and half-god, Greek God. I am a daughter of Apollo, the God of the sun, art, music, and poetry.
Do you want to hear a poem I wrote? Today is not yesterday, live in the now not the past. Is it good right? Anyway, you would never know if I was a kid of Apollo if you just looked at me. When you think of Apollo you think of a guy with blonde hair, blue eyes, and an all-around nice tan. Me on the other hand, I have grey eyes which you would think Athena, but nope I have light tan skin, and I have shoulder length brown hair, curtain bangs the only little part you could maybe get of me being a kid of Apollo that have yellow streaks in my hair. They are just dyed, Nothing crazy.
But I love art, dance, and music so it checks out, I guess. A little more to know about me is that I am 14, I have an older brother, and a younger sister, I know how to play poker, I love long boarding, and my name is Maddie.
»»——⍟——««
The halls were packed of kids trying to get to lunch, pushing and shoving. I walked over to my table where my friends would be, I was the first one there. Then Ben showed up. Ben has been my ride or die ever since preschool. He makes sure I am not trying to do something dumb. He is a half-blood too. Actually, all my friends are.
Ben is a son of Athena. He has light, neatly cut hair and serious gray eyes. Not like mine everyone says that my look like a warm rainy day, his eyes could cut through ice. But he is really understanding and always has great advice, except when it comes to me liking someone or someone liking me. He’s a little… okay, really overprotected of me. I have no idea why, but he is. No, he does not have a crush on me, I know who he likes Hehe.
“Maddie, you’re making that face again, if you know who walks over here and see you making that face, she is going to peer pressure you into tell her that I like her.” Ben said all serious, but his face was a little flushed.
“Sorry but you guys would be so cute together… Hehe.” I said I could not get the picture of them together out of my head.
“They’re coming over.” He sighed, sitting down. I tried to straighten my face, but my lips kept curling up involuntarily.
“OMG! I just read thing new book and this guy was so cute. I think I’m in love.” May squealed and plopped down across for me and Ben. Ben just kept eating.
“What book did you read this time.” I asked, May’s deep blue eyes light up with joy.
“Maddie, don’t encourage it, you know she is going to have a new book crush in about 5 days.” Ben whispered. Me and May - side eyed him at the same time. May is bubbly, open, and sweet. She has long blonde hair with aquamarine streaks and slightly tan skin. She loves books, writing, and swimming. Which yes, she is a kid of Poseidon. Some other things to know about May is that she is loud, forgets literally everything, and is you cannot tell she’s a hopeless romantic. But in the end, I love her, I can’t say so much of that is true for Ben.
“You wouldn’t understand — your idea of romance is a group project.” May said and popped some vinegar smell chips in her mouth. Oh yeah, she also has great comebacks.
“Yikes, she got you there.” I said and bit into my sandwich.
“Umm… well well… at least I have a real crush.”
“What are we talking about” a sweet voice said over us.
“Gwen! Okay I read this new book, and it was so cute.” May sang.
“Oh, tell me all about it.” Gwen said, sliding into the seat across from me. Gwen is a great friend, she had short dirty blonde hair with pink streaks, grey eyes, light skin. She loved books, soccer, and looking good. I think that’s why Ben liked her. She is charismatic, empathetic, and loyal. She was stubborn. Sadly, she hid her emotions. You might ask who her godly parent is… she’s a daughter of Aphrodite.
“Oh, my that is crazy.” Gwen said, taking a bite of her lunch. I leaned over to Ben.
“See, even Gwen likes listening to May talk about her book.” I whispered to him.
“So, if I start listening to May talk about book Gwen will like me?” He whispers back.
“You’re the smart one bud.” The bell rang, signifying lunch was over. We all got up at the same time and headed to our separate classes.
are you going to meet up Andrew today?” Zoe asked. Ben stopped and turned.
“What?” Ben asked, his eyes locked on me.
Andrew was a 15-year-old boy that I meet a camp half- blood we had become great friends he had fluffy chestnut hair, forest green eyes, and tan skin. He is loyal, outgoing, and brave. Ben didn’t like Andrew. I had an idea why, maybe because he is a son of Ares, he tended to punch first and ask questions never, or because I have a crush on him. Who knows.
“Why do you not like him?” May asked Ben.
“Because he impulsive, stubborn, and just because I don’t.” Ben said back and headed for his class. I just rolled my eyes
“Yeah, I’m meeting up with Andy at a coffee shop downtown.” I said, already walking into my classroom.
»»——⍟——««
The different colors of the fall leaves fell from trees, brown, yellow, red, and orange. I was walking to meet up with Andrew when I got a gut reaching pain, I stiffened and put my guard up. Something was following me, and it wasn’t human. I looked for an alley way and slowly walked over to it. As soon as I was in the ally, whatever was following me attacked. I dodged it by an inch.
The Empousai hissed at me and lunged at me again. If you do not know what a Empousai is a Vicious female demon, who disguise themselves as “beautiful women” (I still Think they look ugly). But their true form reveals flaming hair, fangs, and mismatched legs (one bronze, one donkey). Monsters are always attacking half-bloods, that was why we have a camp. More on that later. I doubled over and the Empousai missed, I yanked off my gold necklace that had a charm of a bow with an arrow through it.
“μεγαλώσει!” I yelled in Greek. My necklace grew into a golden bow and a quiver of arrows that I threw over my shoulder. I ran to the end of the alley, pulled out an arrow, arranged it into the bow, pulled back on the bowstring, and twang, whoosh, thunk. bull’s-eye my arrow landed right in the middle of of the Empousai chest. She exploded into ash. Well, that was not part of the plan now I’m late. I started my hair,
“επιστροφή.” I whisper in Greek, and my golden bow with the arrow return back to my necklace, I put it around my neck, the charm sat between my collarbones. I walk out of the alley and keep going to coffee shop.
The sweet smell of pumpkin spice and freshly browed coffee filled the air, as I pushed the door to the coffee shop. The warm lights felt way too bright and I was still on high alert; I hadn’t realized that my hands were shaking. Wooden tables, plush armchairs, and couches filled the room. Faint indie music hummed from speakers I couldn’t see.
“MADDIE!” a voice said crackling with energy and comforting at the same time. I looked over to the fare right corner. A boy with chestnut hair and amazing forest green eyes was walking to me.
“Hey, Andy.” I walked over to meet him. He pulled me into a tight hug that made my stomach fill with butterflies.
“It’s so good to see you it’s been forever, you look amazing.” He said into my hair. Warmth felled my chest. The hug lasted longer than two friends should have hugged for. Andy let go and gesture to the table, I sat down on one of the old armchairs, sinking into it.
“You’re late. You’re never late. What happened? Are you okay? And your hands are shaking…” Andy’s clear green eyes looked at my face then at my hands then back up at me. His smile was gone; the air became cold.
“You. Should. Have. Called.” His voice dropped an octave, it was bitter and sharp, like a knife.
“Hehe… what… I have no idea what you're talking about.” I spoke.
“You know dang well what I’m talking about.” Andy whispered, annoyance laced in his voice.
“Hi, I’m Jill and I’ll be your server today. What can I get started for you?” A girl with bagel hair in a bun and a black apron with drink splashes on it was smiling, holding a notepad and a pen. Talk about saved by the waiter.
“Can I get a strawberry lemonade please?” I gave Jill a warm smile.
“Black coffee.” Andy said not breaking eye contact with me.
“Okay one strawberry lemonade and one black coffee, that’ll be out soon.” She walked away, scribbling on her notepad.
“You could have been nicer.” I said, leaning back in my chair.
“It’s not my job to be nice.” He muttered.
“I know, but you’re a nice guy, Andrew. I’m sorry. I should have called you. Next time I will.”
“I’m sorry too, is just I do not want what happened to you when you first showed up to camp, to happen again. The thought of you getting hurt...I couldn’t bear.” Andy whispered and put his hands on top of mine. The warmth in my chest returned.
“Here are your drinks.” Jill showed up again and set the drinks on the table. She grinned. “You two are such a cute couple. Have a good day.”
“Thank you, you too” Andy said with a smile.
I choked on my lemonade.
“You good?” He asked, turning back to me with his eyebrows narrowed with slight concern.
“She called us a couple, and you said, ‘thank you?’” I exclaimed, eyebrows creeping up with shock.
“MADDIE!”
I whipped my head over my shoulder to see May and some other guy waving at us. They walked up to our table and sat down.
“May? What are you doing here? And and who is the guy that looks like he is going to start a fire?”
“MADISON, JUST GO TO YOUR ROOM… you’re just too young to understand.” My mom yelled, then gave me a pitiful look. I just rolled my eyes and stormed upstairs.
»»——⍟——««
It was about 12:08, my siblings and mom were asleep. I snuck downstairs, grabbed my longboard, and blotted out the door. The air was cold against my skin. My sweatshirt blew behind me, from how fast I was going on my longboard. I felt free and unstoppable, until a low growl cut through the night air sharp as a knife. I stopped and looked around and to my left, glowing red eyes were looking at me. It slowly moved out and there it was, a giant black wolf with teeth like daggers. I was amazed but had a horrible pain in my gut. The giant lunged at me, I screamed, hugged my longboard, and ran for my life, The giant wolf lunged at me, I screamed, hugged my longboard, and ran for my life.
»»——⍟——««
I had probably run for an hour stumbling, tripping, and hitting into things. My clothes when torn and bet up, blood streaking down my arm crimson red. I was about to get to the forest; I could see all of the trees and mountains.
When a sharp pain shot up my leg, I fell straight on my face. I pushed myself up on my hands, blood rushing down from my nose. I flipped over to see the giant wolf in front of me baring his teeth, fear bubbled up in my chest. Tears streaming down my face, mixing with blood. The wolf launched but before it could get me it when fly back.
A guy about a couple of years older than me was standing in front of me with a long sword. He had jet black hair, blue eyes, and brown skin, He had a smile from cheek to cheek. He looked back at me and winked then lunged for the wolf.
I heard movement form my left, three fingers appeared out of the shadows. a girl with hazel eyes, darker skin, and super curly brown hair with… goat horns? She looks human but the bottom half of the girl was a goat.
“What the...” I muttered.
one was an older guy maybe 15 years old, he had ginger hair and green eyes and a girl around my age a little younger than me. She was clinching on to the older guy; her short hair was tangled, the moon light high lighting the brownish blondish color. Her gray eyes were shifting and full of fear. Cuts were all over her legs and arms.
“BLAZE! YOU IDIOT, YOU'RE GOING TO GET YOURSELF-HURT! OR WORSE, KILLED!” The goat girl yelled and stamped her hoof in frustration; the ginger hair boy had the little girl let go of him and ran over to me…
*Smack* Gwen’s hand hit me in the back of my head.
“Hey, what was that for?” I asked and tended toward her
“You keep zoning out and I said I was going to smack you.” She snapped back; I just rubbed the back of my head.
“Anyway, Maddie, this Nathan.” May said and showed off the guy sitting next to her. He had fluffy buttery brown hair shaved on the sides, and kept running his hands through it, anxious… umm I will come back to that later.
“Nate.” He corrected, his slate blue eyes lighting up with mischief in then. He had freckles that scarred his sun-kissed skin. He had more of a wiry build, and he has the look of a Hermes kid.
“Kid of Hermes uh so how many of us have you robbed so far?” I said, leaning back with a slick knowing smile.
“Your good at making assumptions.” Nate said back with a little smile.
“Oh, it’s not assumption, Mr. Andersen, it’s facts.” I leaned forwards and rested my head on my hands.
“Okay, how you do that, Maddie, I don’t even say his last name.” May asked.
“Let’s just say it’s good luck” I said
*thwack* Gwen’s hand hit me in the back of the head again
“Girl, just stop why you are ahead.” She said and took a long sip of my drink.
»»——⍟——««
Some time past full of laughter, me, and Nate where cracking jokes.
“You know I was shocked that my toaster did not work in the pool.” I put out there, laughing filled the air until
*CRASH* all of the lights when out, my sight when black
“Do not worry everyone this happens all the time.” Jill said over everyone “please make your way to the door.”
We all got up and shuffled to the door until Nate missed the door hit his head on the doorframe. He had a little red bump on his forehead.
“Haha, dude you hit that doorframe hard.” Andy laughed and put a hang on his shoulder.
“May, you have been quiet. Are you okay?” Gwen questioned a look of confused on her face.
“I have been thinking about camp… I have a feeling that we’re needed.” May looked at the grown. “Me and Nate were attacked on are way here.”
“Yeah, just unexpected. Super random.” Nate added and rubbed his head.
“You guys were attacked? By what?” Andy president.
“Empousai.”
“Maddie you were attacked by an Empousai, that is not random at all.”
“YOU WERE ATTACKED!?” Ben, Gwen, and May yelled.
“That is not what is important right now, Andy is right that is that is not random. We need to get to camp fast.” I choked out, I hate being the center of attention or a problem for people. That is why I did not want to tell Andy that I was attacked.
“That’s it we are going to camp.” Ben demanded.
“Tonight?” Nate asked.
“Yes.”
“But camp is 10 hours away.”
“To bad I’m calling a cab to get us there, 3 in one.” Ben said. We all slip up Me, May, and Gwen in one cab Andy, Nate, and Ben in that other. I sat by the window and watched the city fly by us; the night sky was Navy blue and purple and the stars scattered the sky like a little diamond dancing. My eyelid slowly flutter to a shut, as sleep grows close.
“Ronan, get the girls over here before you get run over by Blaze and the hellhound.” The goat girl yelled at the ginger hair guy that I’m guessing is named Ronan.
“Okay, you really to run?” Ronan asked, I nodded in agreement, he helped me up and grabbed my longboard. Then we booked it over to where the goat girl and the little girl were. The pain in my leg was still but I did not want to get eaten so I ran as fast as I could.
a hellhound. There a thing called Satyrs, and they go around looking for the half-bloods to bring then to camp, and sometimes the send other half-bloods with then two so they can help. Blaze your parent is Hephaestus the God of craft. Ronan you parent is Tyche the goddess of luck. Ivy you’re a Satyr and you do not know who you godly parent is because she has not be to camp and been claimed?” I spat out and pointed to the little girl that I learned her name was Gwen she was only one year yonder then my so 11. Blaze, Ronan, and Ivy (the goat girl) had found her on there mission to find half-bloods. She was
being attacked by a Empousai. That was a week ago.
“Your right on, so how do you feel about all of it” Ivy asked
“it sounds like a lie but there is too much information for it to be.” I said still a little shock.
“well you should get some sleep, I will be looking out tonight the of to camp tomorrow.” Ronan said and got up and walked off…
Chapter two: I socially and physically run over someone
As half-blood hill rolled up to site I could not help but get all excited. I love it here and I have missed all of my siblings. We would lead the campfire song together. I had a longboard here that Blaze made for my 13th birthday, it had the lips like a skateboard but the body of a longboard. The picture underneath it was of a sunset in an ocean wave, the wheels were orange but see through. It my favorite longboard to ride around. I had a path at camp that I would spend down.
“Maddie, chill down your shaking the cab.” May said and put a hand on my shoulder.
“Girlfriend, breathe.” Gwen said, “you look like you're going to explode.”
I think I was going to explode, I took a deep breath. And before we know it, we were here.
»»——⍟——««
Cabin 7 at first glance mine looks like it’s solid but if you give it more time it’s glowing. It looks like it is made from pure sunbeams. Yes, it is always warm in there never cold, with kind of sucks for me because I sleep hot, so not fun. But in the end, I love my cabin and there is no where else I would rather be.
Music field the air as I walked in canvases, sketchpad, and notebooks, and pencils were all over the floor, half of my siblings were on their beds playing instruments. Another half were drawing and writing poetry. You think it would sound terrible in the cabin having different instruments, playing different songs but it’s not when you walk in it sounds beautiful like I don’t know how to describe it but it’s just magical.
“Hey, welcome back!” One of my brothers said to me as I passed him. My bunk was always the last one in the cabin, usually, I never had to share a bunk, but it was also in the corner so you kind of forget about it. But, hey, fine by me. I don’t have to socialize. I walked over to see a girl with blonde loosely, curled hair, forest green eyes, and freckles dusted her nose. she wore softer colors and layered bracelets. She was sitting on the bottom bunk… of my bunk.
“Oh boy” I muttered to myself; I forced a smile and walked forward. How do I want to introduce myself. Hello, I’m taking top bye, nope umm… hi, I’m Maddie who are you… that sounds mean. Omg I’m so awkward why can I think of a normal conversation starter. Just be like a civil person.
“Haigh, is mise Maddie, is cosúil go bhfuil leaba á roinnt bunc, is deas bualadh leat.”Hi, I'm Maddie, it looks like we're sharing a bunk, nice to meet you. I spoke in Irish. Omg why am I so weird. She just looked at me so confused.
“Tá brón orm, nach bhfuil mé chomh corr agus chomh neamhchinnte seo.” I’m so sorry, I’m not this weird and awkward. I said again.
“Excuse me?” she asked. I took a deep breath
“I’m so sorry for that, I’m not good at socializing I was just going to say that it looks like we are sharing a bunk.” I managed to choke out.
“I kinda get it, I’m not the best either, is nice to meet you umm…?” she added
“Madison, but you can call me Maddie.”
“Audrey.”
»»——⍟——««
Chiron the activities director gave me my longboard from Blaze. I’m not allowed to take the longboard out of camp because of the rocket power it has. And we are not allowed to leave are things here so Chiron said he would keep it and when I’m back he would give it to me.
The wind was blowing my hair behind me like a colorful flag. I had on a vintage Woodstock tee and denim jeans with patches on them. The trees filtered the sunlight. The sound of the outdoors was-
“Dude, heads!” I see a guy push a other guy out of the way. Before I almost ran him over. I think I heard one of them wince in pain. I can to a quick stop a few feel away. I picked up my longboard and turn to see a guy with copper hair and tannish skin on his knee and his hands in a praying position. To the other guy. He had wavy dark brown hair, olive skin, and Hazel eyes. He had put his hand on the guy's face as I walked up to them.
“Oh, my gods, I’m sorry I didn’t see you there.” I apologized so fast the words could come out of my mouth. I tucked my longboard under my arm.
“You’re good” the guy with copper hair that had a hand on his face said… I think it was muffled. The haze eye guy dropped his hand of his face.
“I have seen the light” the copper hair boy whispers dramatically “And it rides a longboard.”
I laughed a little breathless
“Seriously, though. I didn’t mean to almost flatten you guys.”
“It’s fine,” the hazel eye guy said, and it looked like his leg was hurting. “We’re used to near-death experiences before breakfast.”
“You, okay? You’re limping.” I tilted my head, studying him
“He pulled something during a sprint.” Copper hair boy jumped in “Very heroic. Very tragic. There were perfume bombs.
"You're not helping." Hazel eyed boy glared at copper hair boy
I smiled, soft and curious. "I'm Maddie, by the way.Cabin Seven."
"Enzo," hazel eye boy said, offering a hand. "Cabin Eleven. Chaos division."
I shake it, "Nice to meet you, Enzo."
Copper boy leans in. "He's also the morning announcements guy. Very famous. Practically a camp celebrity."
I raise an eyebrow. "Oh yeah? Got any breaking news?"
Enzo grin. "Today's forecast: mild glitter fallout, rising drama levels, and a 70% chance of emotional unavailability."
I gave a small, soft laugh, then glances at the path ahead. "Well, I should get going before I accidentallyrun over someone else. See you around."
I walked off; longboard tucked under my arm.
»»——⍟——««
I was walking around trying to entertain myself when I ran into Andy. He was on a run, and when I say he looked amazing I mean he did. He was wearing black shorts; his hair was all messed, and no shirt.
“Hey Maddie, what is up.” Andy said and walked up to me. All I could do was look at the ground.
“You good? you look a little flushed.”
“Umm… Yeah.” I looked back up. We locked eyes.
“You want to do something?” he asked moving closer.
“How do you feel about rock climbing?”
“Are you crazy?”
“I’m joking.” I bumped his shoulder. “I have no idea.”
“Do you want to continue my run with me?”
“Sure, just one thing.”
“What is it.”
“You have to catch me.” I turned on my heel and ran.
“Hey! Get back here!” Andy yelled as he was right behind me.
»»——⍟——««
We had been running for about 10 minutes, we where in the woods jumping over rocks and little creek. Andy was right on my heels; he swooped in with a bear hug for the behind and lifted me up.
“Haha, put me down.” I laughed, Andy put me down after a little.
“Your pretty fast, but I’m faster.” Andy said as I turned to face him. He was still holding me in a hug are face when only a couple of inches apart. I could feel his breathing against my skin. warmth bloomed in my chest and my heart started doing backflips.
A sharp growl filled the air Andy’s arms dropped a stepped right in front of me. My blood went cold; I know that sound that terrible, terrible noise.
“Maddie, you okay. You’re breathing hard.” Andy muttered. Everything blurred together. My breath were coming out sharp and fast. I was backing up until I hit a tree. I slowly sat down my hands were shaking so hard.
“Maddie?” Andy said again and turned around. “Madison!”
Andy ran over to me and dropped onto his knees.
“Hey, breath. In. Out. In. Out.” He said pulling me into a hug.
“Blaze, you idiot, you probably scary the the life out of some little camper.” A familiar voice grew closer. “OMG Madison.”
The sound of hoof hitting the ground grow closer. Two more people where on right beside me.
“Blaze you moron.” Ivy said and smacked someone in the back of the head who I’m guessing is Blaze.
“I did not know it was her, chill, Ivy!”
“Who are you guys?”
“Shut up, we have more important things happening.” Ivy and Blaze said in unison.
“Madsie, please listen to take a deep breath. Listen 5 things see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.” Ivy suggested.
“Umm… Trees, your curly hair… Blaze’s arm burn, your flower crown, and… Andy’s forest green eyes.” I managed to choke out. I locked eyes with Andy. Worry sketched on his face.
“Good, keep going.” Blaze insisted.
»»——⍟——««
Ivy walked me back to the Apollo cabin.
“Madsie, I’m so sorry that Blaze was being an idiot and was growling like a hellhound.” She whispered to me as she gave me a tight hug. I gave her a small sad smile and walked into the cabin. The air felt to warm it make my skin all clammy. I walked over to my bunk. Audrey wasn’t there. I climb into it and lay on my back, my legs dangling over the end.
“Hey, Maddie, you coming to capture the flag?” River asked me.
“Yeah, I’ll be there soon.”
»»——⍟——««
I know I was joking when I said that I wanted to go climbing, but this felt a little over top. I was sitting at the top of a tree with Audrey. We were protecting the flag. We watched Enzo charm a Demeter girl, when someone kid with wavy glossy black hair, fair skin, onyx eyes, slung over his shoulder like a lacrosse stick. Snatched the flag.
“μεγαλώσει” I muttered. My necklace charm grew into a bow. Audrey pulled out her bow, and we started shooting at them.
Enzo looked back at us. I had a impish grin. Audrey nods, a smile curling at her lips as she trains a arrow at him. He yelled something back at us, I did not quite get it. But Audrey had a big smile on her face.
“You like him don’t you.” I turned to Audery.
“What?”
“You like Enzo.”
“How do you know.”
“Just a lucky guess… and well you just have that look on your face.”
“Oh, do you like someone?”
“Yeah, but… ugh.” I ran my hands down the sides of my face. “he’s giving me mixed signals, and I just don’t know.
I led back then it soon hit me. I’m sitting on a tree branch there is not back.
*thwonk* I landed on another tree branch a few branches down
“Madison! Are you okay.” Audrey yelled from where I was a second ago. I just gave her a thumbs up and worded my way down the tree.
»»——⍟——««
I don’t really know what happened. Someone got really hurt and that is all I know. Chiron had called a camp-wide meeting at ten sharp in the Big House. I did not go, I showed have but did not. There are many reasons why I did not go, like a room full of people not my cup of tea, umm… I don’t feel good; it just has been a long day.
I lay on my back, staring up at the ceiling. Something was just not sitting right with me, but I don’t know want it was. I sat up and pulled out my sketchpad; I flipped to a random page and started to draw Ben… I have not seen Ben for a while and he has not come to check on me… on no.
Chapter 3: This is why I Do not wear bracelets
If May and Gwen ever offer you a bracelet run for your life.
I was sitting on the porch of the Poseidon cabin. May had told me to wait for her at her cabin. Gwen and May walked out they had handfuls of bracelets.
“What’s with all the bracelets?” I asked, standing up.
“They’re friendship bracelets. We made them for everyone.” May announced, smiling.
“Here, Maddie, wear this one its suits you.” Gwen handed me a bracelet. I graded It for her, it was woven Kumihimo style (diamond-shaped motifs along the braid.) it was gold and burnt orange, the threads shimmered in the sum light. I slied it onto my left wrist, it fit perfectly.
“Thanks guys! It so pretty.” I smiled and admired it. “Are you guys wearing one?”
May and Gwen both stuck out their arms, on each of their wrists where a bracelet was.
was beaded with light blues to dark aquamarine.
was beaded with little flowers, light pink, greens, and yellow.
“Those are so cute.” I exclaimed.
“Do you want to help past them out to the group?” Gwen handed me some bracelets.
“On it.”
»»——⍟——««
I walked into the Apollo cabin to see Audrey, River, Bryan, and Rebecca are counselors who were sitting between two bunks in a circle. I walked up to them.
“What are we summoning?” I said and sat down with them.
“Very funny, Maddie.” Bryan said and side eyed me.
“We were talking about camp crushes.” River added his eyes twinkling and took my hands in his hands.
“Ooo, okay everyone spilled.” I beamed, scooting closer in.
“Well Bryan and me are single I don’t like anybody. Which I’m sad about.” River grumbly said.
“I like someone.” Audrey added.
“Yeah, you like Enzo.” I cut in.
“Ooo.” The group said in unison.
“Yeah, so maybe I do.” Audrey admitted. “Wait… How do you know Enzo?”
“Oh, funny story… I almost ran him and his friend over on my longboard.” I simply replied like it was nothing
“WHAT? The group exploded.
“I was an accident. I did not see them.” I exclaimed and threw my hands up.
“Maddie, do you like someone?” River persisted
“She does, but I do not know.” Audrey added.
“Ooo. Girl, spill it.” Rebacca pushed.
“I will when you tell us who you like.” I said as I looked for a snack in my bunk.
“Fine, his name is Tanner he has copper hair, tannish skin-“
“Amber eyes.” I cut her off.
“Yeah, how did you know? Have you meet him before? Did he say anything about me?”
“You could say I kind of met him… he’s the friend of Enzo that I almost ran over.”
“MADISON KELLY OVERALL, YOU ALMOST RAN OVER IS BEAUTIFUL FACE!” Rebecca screamed. She looked like she was about to kill me.
“I like Andrew for the Ares cabin!” I spat out without thinking. Everyone when silent. “Umm anyway here you go, Rebecca, May wanted me to give this to you… bye.”
I hand her a bracelet it was beaded it has all of the colors of yellow on it. As soon as she took it a ran for the door.
»»——⍟——««
I had handed out a bracelet to Tanner, it was a woven with cored. I was on my way to give Andy’s his. I knocked on the doorframe of the Ares cabin. Andy was the only one in the cabin, he was sitting on his bed staring at his phone with a goofy smile. He looked up when I knocked, his smile widened when he saw me.
“Hey, Maddie, coming in.” He said and patted his bed. I walked over and sat down.
“What where you smiling at on your phone?”
“Oh, just a picture. What’s up?”
“May and Gwen make friendship bracelets and I’m helping pass them out, here’s yours.” I handed him a bracelet. It was woven in a thick spiral crimson and black, but I swear I saw some yellow in the middle of the spiral, but I do not trusty know. He looked at the bracelet for a long time.
“Thanks, Maddie.” He smiled. “Do you want to watch a movie with me?”
I could feel a blush creep up my neck.
“I don’t know I think I have to g—"
Andy put on the bracelet and as soon as he did it turned into a red handcuff with a silver chain that contained to… My bracelet! My bracelet turned into a golden handcuff.
“What the—” we said in unison. Panicked bubbled up in my chest. Andy looked confused but kind of happy.
“I think these bracelets are cursed.” I muttered.
“Looked like you're not going anywhere. That means you have to watch a movie with me.” Andy mused and pulled Netflix up on his phone. “I’m thinking ‘K-Pop Demon Hunters’, but I’m open to suggestion.”
“That sounds good, but I want to go give May and Gwen a piece of my mind.” I spoke. I stood up a little too fast and hit my head on the upper bunk.
“You, okay?’’
“Perfectly fine.” I growled.
»»——⍟——««
I was dragging Andy to the Poseidon cabin; I was really mad. I would love to spend time with my crush but not be handcuffed to him.
“Maddie, isn’t that May and Gwen over there.” Andy pulled his arm that was handcuffed to me to him, pulling me back I bumped into him. “Oops, sorry.”
I looked over to where Andy was pointing. May, Gwen, Nate, and Ben standing in the field. May and Gwen where yelling at each other. Ben and Nate looked confused. Me and Andy walked up to them I looked and noticed that they where handcuffed. May was handcuffed to Nate and Gwen was handcuffed to Ben.
“What do you mean you don’t know how this happened?!” Gwen yelled at May.
“I don’t! I can’t put curse on things, but you can!” May yelled back.
“So, I am guessing you have not idea why I’m handcuffed to Andy.” I said. They stopped yelling at each other and looked at me.
“MADISON KELLY OVERALL!” Rebecca yelled form across the field she stormed up to me dragging Tanner behind her.
“Let me guess, you’re handcuffed to Tanner?” I sighed
“YES! What type of prank are you pulling?!” she screamed at me.
“First, I did not make the bracelets, second I’m handcuffed to Andy, third I think I know what happened.” I spoke.
“What?” Everyone said in unison.
“May, Gwen where did you get the stuff to make the bracelets?”
“The Apollo cabin, from Bryan.” Gwen said.
“Bryan’s cursed bracelets makers kit.” Me and Rebecca said in unison.
“What?”
“Bryan has a bracelet making sister gave to him, he and his Aphrodite friend were making bracelet when one of his friend's siblings was practicing one of their Travis bills accidentally cursed the bracelet kit. Bryan kept the kit because he thought one day it would be useful.” Rebecca explained.
“Looks like where stuck like this until we find a way to break the curse.” Ben said, “we should tell Chiron and see what he says.”
»»——⍟——««
We all talked to Chiron he was as about helpful we were.
“I’m sorry but I have no idea how to help, looked like your stuck like this until you find a way to break the curse.” He told us.
“I have a feeling it’s going to be a long time. What about the sleeping argument?” Nate asked.
“Good question, sleep in how ever has a bottom bunk. I will tell all of your counselors what happened. And for the Apollo cabin, William is second in command so he will be filling in for Rebecca.” Chiron said.
Me and Andy were walking around trying to find something to do.
“Okay let’s play 20 questions at my cabin.” Andy said
“Sure.” I replied, we walked into the Ares cabin, some of Andy’s siblings were there. We walked over to his bunk and sat down.
“Okay first question, was is your favorite food?” Andy asked me.
“BBQ, pork, and ribs. Yours?”
“Sushi.”
“Gross.” I made a face.
“Rude! I can’t believe you don’t like Sushi.” Andy exclaimed and shoved me a little playfully.
“ha-ha, okay next question.”
“Okay, what I the one word you can’t say right?”
“Halloweng”
“Halloweng? You mean Halloween?” Andy burst out laughing.
“Stopp.” I grumbled and buried my face in my hands.
“No no sorry, is really cute.”
I looked through my fingers. “You think it’s cute?”
“Yeah, okay next question; what is your weirdest fear?”
“Pickles.” I said, all serious.
“That is not as weird as mine.”
“What is yours?”
“Rubber ducks.”
“WHAT!?” I fell back on his bunk laughing so hard.
“YES! They just stare at you with those big soulless eyes, they know something you don’t!”
“You’re scared of a bath toy.” I said between laughs.
“You’re never going to let this go, are you?”
“Never!” I exclaimed. “Next question; favorite color.”
“I can’t answer that.”
“Why?”
“His favorite color is gray.” A guy’s voice said out of nowhere, a head appeared from the top bunk. The guy had super curly blond hair, hazel eyes, light tan skin, and freckles. He had a wild smile. “Hi, I’m Thaddeus, or a very handsome bat of your dreams you can pick. You must be Maddie; Andrew talks about you all the time. Oh, I’m Andrew’s BFF.”
“Thad.” Andy mumbled. And fell back on his bunk.
“you talk about me?” I asked. Andy’s face turned a little pink.
“YES! He is always, Maddie this, Maddie that, did you see Maddie.”
“Thad, shut up.”
“I have a question! What is your favorite movie?” Thaddeus dropped from the bunk and sat with us
“Pirates of the Caribbean.” I said immediately without giving it any thought.
“Indiana Jones.” Andy said.
“Star Wars.” Thaddeus added.
“Oh, one of my friend’s favorite movies is Star Wars, I sometimes call him Yoda.” I laughed with Ben I’m mind.
“Next question: saddest thing to happen to you or someone you know.” Andy asked quietly.
“My mom once forgot my Birthday. She was busy. I pretended not to care.” Thaddeus whispered. “But I did.”
“One of my older sisters stopped talking to me for a year, because I said I didn’t like her boyfriend.” Andy muttered and slowly sat up.
“Someone who was every special to me left without saying anything to my, or some other people who really miss him. we don’t even know if he…” my voice cracked. “Is still alive.” I looked down, Ronan, please be alive and come back, we all miss you. Ivy and Blaze fight all the time, Gwen’s bottling her emotions, I… I need someone to talk to like how we just to do.
“You’ve been thinking. What is it?” Ronan whispered softly and put his hands on his knees.
“I don’t get it, Ronan, how I’m I a kid of Apollo? I don’t look anything like him.” I muttered tries threatening again, I cried so hard when I was claimed, I didn’t feel like a kid of Apollo, I was a mess. “I just feel like the gods are placing bets on are lives.”
“You know my mom Tyche, the Goddess of luck?”
“Yeah.”
“I have never felt lucky; I thought that I was unlucky. I wanted siblings but never had any; I never really fitted in; I had no mom around. I was different, and I hated it.” He was looking up at the sky.
“When I showed up to camp and got claimed, well I felt the same way you do. All of my siblings where nice but I still felt like I did not belong.” He looked at me with a small smile.
“Then I met Ivy and Blaze, then I met Gwen and you. You know I still remember the first time you opened up to us. You’re the little sister I always wanted.” He ruffled my hair “sometimes this doesn’t make sense,, but someday it will. Now, you should go to bed. It’s late.”
He helped me up and walked with me to the Apollo cabin.
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Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the grotesque S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Is this a Percy Jackson fanfic? I’m getting major Percy Jackson vibes! Anyway, Maddie is the daughter of Apollo and in a half blood camp. She’s in love with Andy, the son of Ares. She has many friends here and she goes on many odd adventures!
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I was a little confused with the cafe scene because it seemed like Maddie was somewhere else really fast, but I think that those might be flashbacks.
Chocolate Bar - I love that Maddie seems to really care about her friends, that’s a good trait to have. I also like that Gwen has pink streaks on her hair, having colorful hair is very cool! The conversations that Maddie has with Andy are very cutesy and the casualness of the chaos is absolutely hilarious!
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a very interesting collection of chapters. I’ll read more if you ever update this and I do hope that they’ll be able to get rid of the handcuffs. I like seeing Greek Mythology stories and this was very fun to read, so…
I wish you an amazing day/night! ^v^
Good Morning!
That is a very long chapter. Have you thought about maybe breaking it up into multiple uploads to make it more palpable to readers?
Second thought of the day: Why are there hyperlinks in the text? I dig it but they don’t seem to serve a purpose?
Oh my I thought she’s suffering period cramps for a sec: “ when I got a gut reaching pain” (also it’s “gut-reaching”) But it’s more like a premonition abt something bad happening soon right? Is this part of her powerset? Otherwise, the reaction feels a bit too much.
O_O You can just be…randomly attacked in the middle of the street? And then the fighting is over and it’s as if nothing has happened? I feel kinda strange for the casual way this is handled o_O
You kinda lost me here:
Is May the name of her mom? Is it common to call your mom by her first name? O_O [I am genuinely asking since it’s super uncommon where I am from but this wouldn’t be the first story on YWS that goes that route]
But…weren’t we just at the coffee shop? How did we get to the room? I am so confused.
Ohhh ohhh! Is this some sorta vision sequence? Did the stars lead into this? I suggest making this a bit more clear by idk giving the vision italics or something, to show that we’ve been torn out of the current scene. Maybe also put the star thingy lead in as centre-aligned to make the break even more obvious?
Wait I am confused again, is this a POV switch and Maddie isn’t narrating this? I don’t really get where and when this takes place since she didn’t know Nate before but now… I’m so lost.
*reading reading*
…I am surprised that these characters are so chill about cursed hand cuffs. Does this happen often?
Story Telling Tips:
You’re relying very much on heavy exposition dumps. You rush us with info about your main character (which is not always a bad thing, especially since you’re doing first person narration) but it keeps going. You info dump on Ben as well while I find that there could be some other elegant means to convey who Ben is or what he does. Sentences like “looking at him, you’d never guess he’s the son of Athena” and therefore kinda combining his description with his heritage etc
You also have… kind of a pacing issue. A lot of dramatic moments are undercut by Maddie just kinda being all casual about it or interrupting a tense scene with unnecessary information about the creature she’s dealing with. Better to describe things first and to stick to only the immediately relevant features. What they are and their usual deal can be described in a later, quiet moment.
It also feels like you’re not giving your story moments enough room to breathe. It kinda feels like you’re a bit afraid of setting the scene properly and weaving descriptions into the cool action and witty dialogue sections 😊
What I’m also missing is … more emotional reactions of Maddie. Like, more reflections on what happened and how she really feels about it 😊
It also would be nice to get some internal monologue from Maddie to explain some of her actions. Like, why is she sneaking out? What drives her to do this? That could be prime story telling material, to dig further into her motivations! You did show who she is etc in the beginning but that is hard to absorb all in one go. Better to have it revealed very gradually. Like in the short scene where she goes out with her longboard. That could have been the perfect moment to reveal some of her struggles to the readers, instead of having all of them right at the beginning where readers are prone to forget about them since they’re not very relevant then.
In general I have a bit of a hard time pin pointing when scene transitions take place and if and when things are happening in chronological order.
Grammar tips:
Don’t forget the dash: “half-blood” etc
Shouldn’t it be “packed with”? “The halls were packed of kids”
Shouldn’t this be its own sentence rather than incorrectly being connect via comma to the previous one? “, I was the first one there.“ <- this would be a prime opportunity for a semicolon if you’re really opposed to making this 2 sentences.
“that my look like a warm rainy day,” --> “that mine look like a warm, rainy day”
And again, this is a sentence that is weirdly w/o context. Shouldn’t there at least be something like a “while” to lead into it? “his eyes could cut through ice!“
In general, if you have trouble with grammar and spelling and all the other boring parts of writing, that’s completely fine. Usually Word or even googledocs catches a vast majority of issues 😊
I also suggest you take a look at this for learning about dialogue punctuation. You’re very inconsistent in how you format your dialogues.
https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/ ... ne-Grammar It helped me so much @.@
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I beseech you. Break up your long text into chapters. Why put Ch1 and Ch2 AND Ch3 all in the same release?
Alrighty, hope this review helps and if you have any questions, let me know! Best of luck with the writing and have a great day!
LG Tikaa
She's trying ToT
Her story is really good and her dyslexia makes it harder to be able to read words and numbers in the right order <33