Chapter Two
Miraculously Harley and I were able to slip into the back door unnoticed despite the amount of cars littering my house paddock indicating the volume of people who had attended. We sneaked past the dining room into the lounge room. My bedroom & Rachel’s old one lead off from the lounge room. My parents was on the other side of the house.
Harley and I went straight into my bedroom where our school bags were. I shut myself in my walk in wardrobe to change into my party dress. It was a black, spaghetti strapped dress, which had tropical flowers on it. I sometimes passed it off as a summer dress, but tonight it would be perfect for the barbeque.
I walked out of my wardrobe, brushing my hair and found Harley staring at himself in my full length mirror. He had changed his shirt into a dressy button up one, but still had the same, fairly dirt free jeans on. His cheeks pinked when he saw my reflection watching him checking himself out.
‘Like what you see?’ I teased standing next to him to view myself in the mirror.
‘It is a good image,’ Harley replied, a cheeky grin on my face. ‘Nah, I was checking to see if there was dirt on my face.’
‘Right,’ I said, ‘more like checking yourself out.’
‘Oh definitely!’ Harley exclaimed, playing along. He pushed me out of the way, ‘gosh Claire don’t hog the mirror!’
I leapt forward beginning to push him back as Harley grabbed my hands to prevent me from getting good force. I tried to pull my hands back from his, but by then we were laughing too much for me to really try. Harley spun me towards him and grabbed me around the waist pulling me against him into a jumpy dance. We danced around my bedroom occasionally pushing each other out of the way of the mirror.
‘Claire,’ Lei’s confident voice sailed into my bedroom.
Harley released my hands and waist and I spun to face Lei. He was leaning against my doorway in a deep blue button down and beige slacks. It matched his tan skin and dark hair.
‘Hey!’ I called as I walked towards him, ‘you came.’
‘Wouldn’t miss it.’ Lei’s smile was wide as he crossed the remaining distance between us. He took one of my hands in his, ‘dance with me?’
The music playing was light and fun with a beat to it. I willingly followed Lei as he pulled me out of my bedroom. I loved dancing. I glanced back at Harley and outstretched my other hand as if to say join us. Harley moved out of the house with us, but didn’t grasp my hand.
Lei led the way to the stereo where there was a small group of people of varying ages dancing. I saw Rivar in the crowd so I sprung ahead of Lei to reach her.
‘Hey girl!’ Rivar called when I was beside her.
We embraced before I joined the dancing. Harley was standing in the distance talking to my dad Alexandra. I’d never seen him dance before. Harley looked my way and we locked eyes. I lifted my hand about to gesture for him to come over, when Lei stood in front of my vision.
‘Claire,’ Lei mouthed my name with a coy smile.
He was dancing to the beat along with Rivar and I, but he was moving closer to me. Rivar and I clasped hands and danced together. We swayed our bodies to the slightly slow beat. Rivar mouthed the lyrics intensively pretending to serenate me. As the song ended we broke apart to free ourselves up to dance to the faster song that was beginning the play. I looked over at Harley again. I mouthed ‘come join’ as our eyes met and I was about to re-enforce my silent words with a hand signal when Lei stepped in front of me again.
He was dancing to the beat, and not at all looking like a dork. Lei smiled at me and brought himself closer to me still moving to the beat. I smiled back continuing to dance.
Lei danced even closer to me and leant in to give me a hug. As he pulled back he spoke into my ear over the sound of the music, ‘How have you been?’
‘Good!’ I replied, ‘and yourself?’
‘Better now I’m around you again. I really missed you.’ Lei’s words sounded really sincere despite his first sentence being a flirty line right out of a rom-com.
‘I missed you too, we didn’t even email much,’ I realised sadly, ‘we’ve got so much to catch up on!’
‘We sure do,’ Lei said with an inviting smile, inching even closer to me, our hips could have touched if one of us bopped in the right direction.
‘I really have missed you.’ Our closeness didn’t seem to bother Lei in the slightest as he leaned in towards me.
‘Rivar!’ Without thinking I called her name out. My hand flew out and grabbed hers, pulling myself towards her, and away from Lei’s seeking lips.
‘There’s something I really need to tell you that I forgot until now!’ I exclaimed hurriedly. ‘Lei do you mind?’ I quickly added watching his slightly crest-fallen face.
His faced brightened up, ‘ah no, that’s cool. We can catch up another time.’
Lei confidently laid a hand on my arm before walking off as if he was the one who said he was leaving. I watched him walk away, a little stunned. Where did all that come from?
You know where that came from! My mind shot back at me. Yet it was hard to believe that despite all of this time he still cared for me that way.
Rivar propelled me out of the crowd and away from the barbeque. We climbed a fence and headed into the paddock out of hearing range.
‘Damn what the hell happened back there?’ Rivar exclaimed.
We heard a snort in the distance and I saw Speckles trotting towards us.
‘Hello Bubby,’ I said giving him at pat when he was close enough.
‘I guess he hasn’t gotten over you.’
Lei and I had a brief relationship in year eight before he went to boarding school. I asked him out on impulse, being egged on by my friends. I mistook my enjoyment of his company as real feelings, but his feelings for me were real. He was always calling me, taking me on dates and expressing his undying love. I just wasn’t ready for that level of devotion in a relationship. After a month I broke it off and he was upset for a few weeks before reverting back to my friend.
I sighed heavily I thought his feelings had vanished. ‘That makes things so awkward again!’
‘More like annoying.’ Rivar has never made it a secret her dislike for Lei. She thought he was way too clingy.
I paid attention to Speckles ignoring Rivar’s comment. He was growing up so fast from the timid little foal he was when his mother died. I rubbed his neck, tracing the dapple grey patterns that gave Speckles his name.
‘How long does this guy have to go?’ Rivar asked giving Speckles a pat on the nose.
‘In August he’ll officially be a yearling. At least another year, I’m undecided if I want to wait until he’s three or four.’
‘Personally I don’t have anything against breaking two year olds, but that’s because Danny turned out fine. Do you research and ask Vanessa,’ Rivar then addressed Speckles. ‘Growing up so fast boy,’ she cooed at him.
‘I know!’ I exclaimed, ‘sometimes it seems like only yesterday I rescued him from the flood that killed his dam.’
I heard a slam of feet hit the ground as someone jumped down off the fence onto our side. We watched as the dark figure wandered towards us. It was light enough for us to tell he was a boy and as he came closer I identified him as Lei. He walked directly up to me completely ignoring Rivar.
‘Claire I’m sorry if I was too forward before. Sometimes I find it hard to contain my feelings for you.’
‘Um…’ I said unsure of how to respond, but knowing I had to, ‘Lei we need to talk.’
Rivar gave me a quick hug, ‘gotcha, talk to you later,’ and quickly zipped away out of the paddock.
Before I had a chance to let Lei down easy, Lei whisked himself into the darkness for a second. He appeared back with a blood red rose in his hands and held it out to me.
‘It’s ok Claire I’ll just have to try harder to win your heart.’
Wait where did that come from? Since when was he that smooth? Sure we went on lots of dates and he told me a loved him a million times, but it was always awkward. But this… this Lei sounded suave.
‘So this is the famous Speckles,’ Lei said giving him a pat.
‘Sure is,’ I smiled happy for the change in subject.
‘We should go riding sometime,’ Lei mused.
‘I would like that,’ I replied.
‘It could be our first date since I’ve returned,’ Lei flashed me a smile.
I made a face at Speckles. Why?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hello, jordin here with a review for you for the red team.
Okay you need to put some punctuation into this line it would make it sound better.I sure hope this review helps you out.
In your last chapters Harley was a girl and now he is a guy what are you trying to write in this story?
And well this is really good but this really does not have that much to do with your last chapter at all.
Good job overall, keep writing.
Keep calm write review read and have some good luck.
Hope this helps you out some.
~Jon~
Thank you Jordin I appreciate your comments.

However I must point out again that I never wrote that Harley was a girl. When you said this in the first chapter I asked you to point out where it was I had said this and you then said you were mistaken.
I think I may have to put in a conversation between Rivar and Claire about the missing horses to make this chapter not seem pointless, because it isn't pointless its just not evident to the story yet as its only the second chapter.
Thanks again
Thank you Ray!
I'm going to ask the question just to be sure. I used to use quotation marks when I was younger, but for some reason I changed.

I'm not sure about needing to use quotation marks. I actually just went and raided my bookshelf, but you seem right *grins sheepishly*
It's a barbeque that they're at and it does explain it in the previous chapter. I probably should have done a "previously in Heads or Tails Chapter 1..."
I don't think I should use dialogue, because then Lei wouldn't keep advancing on her. But wouldn't Claire say something if she's uncomfortable?
*gasps in understanding* I've got it! I'll quickly give you a run down on Claire and Lei. At the beginning of my novel Lei has just moved back to Claire's town after being away at boarding school for three years. Before he was at boarding school Claire and Lei had briefly dated for a month in year 8 before Claire broke it off and they reverted back to being friends. Now that he's back Lei has changed. He's super hot when before he was pimply and gangly, just not at all attractive.
Anyway if any of that makes sense (I'm rushing to write this as I've gotta get ready for work) - I think maybe Claire can be dazzled by Lei's new looks. She thinks she could possibly like this "new" Lei until he kisses her then she realises she's still not attracted to him.
I realise I'll need to put in my thoughts of Claire's to let the reader know about this, but I think that'll work without Lei being too much of an asshole at advancing on a girl whose pushing him away, and without Claire being insensitive by not telling Lei she doesn't care for him.
Anyways thank you!
Apart from all of those things what did you think?
Ok, first thing I notice is you need to start using quotation marks for your dialogue. You've been using apostrophe's this whole time and it makes it really confusing to read.
Don't give up. Just keep working on it.
My second piece of advice is, you need to work on your pace. It's all action, there's no thoughts or description. It took me a second to even realize that your characters are at a dance--though it's probably partly my fault since I'm starting at your second chapter. However, you can't just assume your reader knows what's going on.
Next, is I think you're doing a lot of telling when you should be showing a little more. Like, when Claire was trying to avoid Lei's advances I couldn't really tell at first. I feel like maybe in some of the dialogue she could've voiced that she was uncomfortable in some way. Like "Lei, you're getting a little close..." or something like that. I dono. I don't know how she'd reply as well as you would.
Anyway, Keep up the writing.