Published March 16, 2009
Yarg matey. Forget what I said...feel free to bash. 
I guess that is why I'm here...oh well.
___________________
Normally…
I think about waves pushing and pulling,
The horizon decked with jagged diamonds
And quietly puffing clouds,
And the sun and moon, so rarely conjoining,
So often flying solo.
I hear rustling trees and whistling wind,
Twittering birds nestled above,
Rumbling thunder far distant yet,
And usually the solemn silence of solitary contemplation,
With only a slow beat for company.
But now…
I hear the steady breath beside me,
A model of what I wish mine could be.
I think about stars,
Or rather the jealousy they have
For those deep, darkly shining pools of yours.
Aloud…
Do you ever think about the stars?
Oh. Me neither.
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140,714 Literary Works • 673,675 Reviews
i know you said no corrections, but i can't help myself. you said "breathe" instead of "breath". one is a noun form, one is a verb form. sorry... but you need to accept constructive criticism in order to improve yourself. that's the goal, ya know?
anyway, i'm having a little trouble figuring out what the idea is behind the poem. you have some pretty good descriptive words in here though.
What does this even mean? Why are you even here?
Hey oneeyedunicornhunter,
First off, well done. The imagery was great. There were a few parts I really liked, such as:
I liked the part about the thunder, too. (I love thunder)
The idea of the poem was interesting; I guess I percieved it to be how we think and do things differently when we're alone than when we are with friends. Good job!
Vet
Hi! I'm Music.
No corrections or advice? Okay. *zips lips*
Overall, I really quite enjoyed this poem! I thought it flowed nicely. The ending stanza captured how awkward deep conversation can be aloud. The first and second stanzas were wonderfully descriptive.
And... That's all I have in my feedback critique. Keep up the good work!
Love,
Music.