Meditate

Really good intro- didnt really like the middle bit but loved the end.
I great insight into Mediation though!
Nice job, keep on writing.

I like the repetition of inhaling and exhaling, and how at the end you seem to have gone to...well, what I would call your happy place. Also, "chastise my mind for thinking at all" - yep, I can relate to that, trying to relax and meditate but the monkey mind keeps wandering about. The first stanza is good. The second one doesn't seem to add much to the poem, but I know you need it there, to show that the mind is calming down, leading on to the third stanza. I think it could be given more meaning, more description. Good job, overall, I quite liked it.

Inhale.
The lights around me grow soft
Through my closed eyelids I can see the sun falling
The wind around me is smooth, sweet
Gently caressing my ears as if it does not wish to disturb - These four lines seem incomplete.. I don't know why..
I think of a song that reminds me of home
And chastise mind for thinking at all
Exhale.

Inhale.
My mind winds down
It knows where I want to go
And it longs to go there too
I think of the wind and the sun and the music
That is everywhere around me
But I am not a part of
Exhale. - You're not a part of exhale? These are confusing me.


Inhale.
I am gone
Exhale.

This poem is incredibly confusing. I have no idea what it's about. Its worded good, but what's the idea? You can't write down random thoughts of nothing and word it pretty.
Eh. You could do way better, considering your skills from this poem. KEEP WRITING.

omgafilangi--


How nice, a formulaic poem about reaching zen. First of all, I want to mention the nature of the language in this piece: the vast majority reads exactly as a sophomore's essay - stumbling, purple and pretentious - and with an attempt at a gimmick at the end to demonstrate some sort of "creativity."

The piece overall has little, if anything, to offer the sentient reader.

Both the concept and execution are weak, and the combination doesn't lend itself to improvement through editing.

Set your phalanges to something else, like holding books of poetry.


Best,
Brad

This is good! It gave me the perfect feeling of calm and relaxation. just a few things:

"Through my eyelids closed I can see the sun falling"

'closed eyelids' would sound better.

I also think you could improve on stanza two. Stanza one had a lot of powerful imagery, but the second stanza feels anticlimactic.