Published October 1, 2008
She thinks I can’t harm her. I can, and I will. She sleeps with my boyfriend and thinks she has one over on me. I didn’t even want him. I honestly could not care less. She thinks with her blonde bob and big breasts she can win him over, and that maybe the truth. What she doesn’t realise is that if he is the type of guy to go for a big boobed blonde, I DON’T WANT HIM!
I’ve had to leave college because of the rumours. She has ruined my A levels and now I’m a year behind. The woman obsessed with education making you a better person. Well I’ll show her.
The high powered job is going to work against her. I don’t think she has thought this one through. One word out of place and I can lose her that job; get her sacked.
She wears low cut tops and jeans too tight so her fat rolls over the top. I might be a red head and therefore thought of as unattractive, but I get more attention than she ever will. She physically turns my stomach. Just you wait until I get my revenge. Everyone will know and she’ll be the one on anti-depressants. She’ll be the one who considers carving her wrists to pieces on a daily basis.
The pills in their silver foil glint when I turn my bedroom light on. It makes them far too inviting. The easy way out. If I decide to kill myself I want to feel all my pain for the last time. It will be like a sense of final suffering for a life time of inner peace. I hope it will. I’m willing to take that risk; but not until I have brought her to her knees and made everyone realise what she has done to me.
“Mrs Moralistic” knocked off her pedestal. No longer will people long to be her or hope for her perfect family. They will simply loathe her. They will be as disgusted in her as I am.
She is my mother…how can this possibly have happened?
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141,364 Literary Works • 674,381 Reviews
So, everyone before me has basically said what I would like to say. The horrific actions that the narrator must go through to feel as if revenge is the right way to go, mindbogoling. I loved this because of the emotion jumping off the page. There wasn't much description or setting and filler like that, but it wasnt needed here because the anger and frustration would have taken over anyway.
There were a few parts that did confuse me. For instance the part about the 'job' i didnt quite understand. And how the rumors made her quit school, what rumors?
Well, anyway. Awesome job on this. Can't say it enough.
--Jas
Whoa
.
I did NOT see that one coming. Her mother? Damn, that sucks. If it's yours, I'm really sorry that something like that happened to you. No one deserves something like that, and if it is you, you're doing the right thing by taking out all of your anger in writing, and not on yourself.
While I think this has a lot of potential, it doesn't seem like a beginning of a story, if that's what you're going for. The last line seemed out of place, because suddenly you sound mournful and confused, while throughout you were angry and resentful.
Out of time, but I would add the aspects of LITERATURE to this: dialogue, plot, character development.
Good luck with editing/writing,
KJ
Oh wow.
This gets a gold star!
That was totally unexpected.
Very creative! How do you come up with so many awesome plots?
I read the last line and my jaw dropped.
I was like: O_O What the-? OMG.
That was seriously so cool.
Very realistic,
I can feel her anger radiating from my computer screen.
AWESOME!
WOW what an emotionally charged piece...you succeeded with emotionally connecting the readers!!! it really makes you think the story is true..which I hope it isn't. Yeah sure the charater was a bit contradictory but since she is young its more appealing and realistic to the readers because we tend to be contradicting ourselves all the time especially when it comes to our feelings and what we make ourselves believe. Other than how good it was, i support meevs that the Caps was ill-placed and distracting!!! Great work and all the best!!!
I did like this but I felt that the narrator contradicted themselves without meaning to.
-Caps really distract from the work, maybe use italics here or something? I also felt that this line was a bit, well, I think the narrator does want him. I understand that it is natural to be angry and upset if someone betrayed you, and with their mother! But from the way this was written I just feel that the narrator was jealous of her mother, even though she is described with fat rolls and too tighter jeans, but when she said she gets more attention than he mother it was almost as if she was tyring to proove that to herself?
I dont know it might just be the way that I read it?
Either way it dosen't distract too much away from that fact that this is a good piece. Maybe you could elaborate it and make it into a short story or a novel? It certainly is a shocking and interesting piece to read
All the best,
Meevs
x
Wow that was a really good piece of writing.
!!!!!
It showed a short glimpse of how the character felt about .. her MOTHER :O
dun dun duuuun
haha anywayz, i spoiled it for myself by reading the last sentence FIRST =.=
so i pictured it as her mother
but heck it was really good
keep going!
Fantastic!
I wasn't suspecting that ending *at all*!
If the ending had been a person, I would have committed a double-take. Chocoholic seems to think it was cliched, but I disagree. Then again, I don't read very many short stories, and perhaps I have missed a few.
Oh well, I do have to concede that it might be a tad cliched. Ever heard the song, "Stacey's Mom"?
I am hoping this isn't a true story, but if it is, dude. . . what a way to vent.
Keep writing =)
Cheers, Jai
I liked this. Is it true? Going from how it's written, I wouldn't think so. It just sounds very open, and I think that if it were true, there would be more things held back. But, you know, maybe you're braver than most.
This confused me. Don't you do A levels before you go to college?
At first I thought she was a teacher or something, but I can't say I was completely surprised when we found out it was the mother. There's something very cliche in making it the mother.
It's short, so there's not much I can say, but I did prefer the bits before you started talking about cutting and suicide. It was more lighthearted and fun, but it just suddenly took a dark turn.
Good job!
Hey Olivia!
First off, I don't want to make this one of those complimentary reviews because this is a true story and if it applies to you, then I am sorry. How could a mother do this? Well, I really can't critique these type of stories because its all about the emotions and less about content. My, I just don't feel right right now. The guy really is a donkey's behind for this. Yeah, now I'm upset.
Sorry to leave in such a bad manner, though to make up for this extremely helpless and useless post I'll review something else of yours.
~Angel