Published October 20, 2010
To the mortal figure’s disarray,
engraved with imperfection and mistakes-
a masterpiece of mass destruction,
rejected discard of disfunction;
was not god’s final work of art,
a complex design of a skin deep cast
finalised with a beating heart.
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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141,616 Literary Works • 675,169 Reviews
You actually need help finishing THIS? Why? It's fine the way it is, short and to the point with a lot of big words in between, I actually really like this and I'm not just saying that. I've written plenty of reviews where I don't like what the person has to say but you, this, it's very good. It's so short that I like it!
You need help finishing this? I can't tell you what to do but...
I'd do something with maybe animal life or plants.
So gentle leafs curve,
Across a sweet green ground
Nor civilised enough,
to even make a sound.
I don't say COPY that and I don't belive it fits the rhythm of your poem anyway. It's a good poem but it's smart to make it longer. Maybe you could talk about mortal inventions? Hope I suficed!