Love in hand, ardent lovers are frequent, but devotion,
Adoration,
In most circumstances the limit is lust.
Lust? Devotion? Adoration? Are these feeble nouns aimed desolately at
‘Him?’
‘Her?’
No.
I am immuring beneath heartbreak; but no, not of love, but of lack.
Lack of lust, adoration, devotion. Love.
I repeat not of ‘him,’ nor ‘her,’ but of that.
Love of that familiar face, the one in my reflection.
Me.
I am my own worst enemy.
I am not brazen. Not of my own image.
Learn to love? I cannot say, the consideration of loving myself is as probable as finding the base of an abyss.
Improbable
Help me think of a title, maybe?
Any constructive criticism?
What did you enjoy?
What could I improve on?
What does this mean, to YOU?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
ah the last sentance needs the punctuation put in it, it depends how you read it. when i read it out loud, it fits the rhythm, however there is no specific pattern.
when i said 'enjoy,' i think its quite obvious i meant, what did you like? not enjoy as in emotion. its obviously not something to be joyfull about. but thanks for sounding patronizing whilst commenting on that
i did not write this FOR anyone, therefore it is all within standard of my own vocabularly, however if those do not have the ability to understand my vocab, they can google the words, im still not changing them for anyone. perhaps my vocab is at a higher standard than your average 14 year old, this might appeal to an older audience, if so, so be it. i wrote this without thinking, it is a poem straight from my heart, to pen, to paper. so that would explain the last line too, it is almost my thoughts in a poetic sequence.
that is an intresting thought that it is about not being able to love someone without loving yourself, however that is not what the poem means to ME. but im glad it had an understanding to YOU, anyway, what would poetry be without its mystery, it could mean something different to everyone.
thank you for commenting
Maybe the best title for this piece it 'lack,' or some variation of the word. You seem to be talking of what the person lacks, opposed to what they have.
Not to submit the poem in bold? ha, I found it harder to read.
You sure do want some answers. Okee, well I enjoyed vocabulary you posses. The words you chose fit in perfectly with your poem.
I don't like your one-word lines. That may just be me though.
Also, not making a list of questions you want answered. The reader will tell you if there are any mistakes, you do not need to ask it. That is what we're here for!
What does this mean, to YOU?[/quote]
Nothing, really.
~Classy
1. "Love?"
2. This part here kinda threw off the whole thing. It seemed too much of a normal sentence. You started poetically, why put something so straightforward? not to mention the fact that, IMO, it ruined the rhythm. It's like singing a song, then the last sentence kinda went fast forward just so it would fit the song right.
3. Enjoy? LOL I think this poem's not about enjoying anything. I mean, to enjoy a poem about grief, misery, or lacking is not really...standard. So I think you're looking for people who felt the sadness of your poem. If I felt happy about reading this, it would be because I like seeing people being sad and how they express their sadness.
4. Some of the words used may require someone to google them. If your target audience are of high intellect, or at least those who enjoy reading and understanding highfalutin words, then let this poem be. Otherwise, substitute until it is reader friendly.
5. Well, this poem means that in order to love someone, a person must love him/herself first.