Please, please just give your opinion - even if brief.

by ohsorocknroll

Published February 8, 2011

The epitome of everything,
anything,
nothing.
Emotions are more than tactile sense,
thoughts covert from one another,
burnt to the back of my mind,
graved over with timeless memories.
Un-solitarily existent.

Designer smiles have been tacked onto our skulls,
black veins complimenting your bloody black
nature.
Rags clothe the cheapened marble
with hands to short and pockets too deep
Discreditable of existence, unworthy of more than a sentence.

Rainbow bruises, punctures and wounds,
stitched into throbbing organs -
yet I bleed ruby through the inherited ink.
Staining my visual perception with only one path -

Macabre needs are swallowed like knives down a raw throat,
accusations projected and alternating,
between two vicious tongues.

Of which only the audience decides
based on the creatures tugging on organs
of which audience I am.
Drain me of darkness that is our only relationship,
and drown me in their rubies.
Vindictive motions repay hidden ways
yet misconduct injures my senses -
forever I shall bleed.

Comments & reviews · 3
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EternityRain Comment
EternityRain commented Comment · Feb 8, 2011

Hi, wow, this is very good!~ I loved it! Keep writing! :D

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wolfgirl13
Review
wolfgirl13 wrote a review Review · Feb 8, 2011

Hi Wow! This is really good. I love the fact that it's so true! You write just like my friend, yet your style is so much more distinguished. I love it! You should definately keep on writing. You have got pure talent. :)
Keri :)

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Al3xx
Review
Al3xx wrote a review Review · Feb 8, 2011

I love the start of this poem- it's so attention grabbing and really sets the mood to the poem.

"Discreditable of existence, unworthy of more than a sentence"

I love that line.
This poem is grim and emotional and has all these clever imagery and descriptions that make it more enjoyable to read.
I personally like this line, "accusations projected and alternating,between two vicious tongues." It's really clever.
One thing I'd say is the format of the poem- each verse should have an equal amount of lines, but either way, the whole structure and rhythm goes really well with what you're saying- so maybe you meant to write it that way. :)
Love it :) Keep writing ;) xx



I don't have much knowledge about marsupials.
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