I don't know when it started;
Probably some cold, water-colored dawn
Hidden away between sheets and sheets
Of sharp lines and tear-drops.
I don't know what kept it going until now;
It should have faded away like the wallflower wallpaper
Spread across the living room walls
Whispering secrets that no one can hear.
It was strong though, like a beat of a drum;
Strong and resounding in the air
Piercing me from one side and coming out the other
A cold iceshard launched between my ribs.
Feelings are curious things;
I think that very often.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello Ofir!
i think this is a great poem it really expresses feelings in someone. i love it. there is maybe a few things proximtealy guessing but so far its great. keep that pencil flowin on the page!
Hello:)
This is a great piece. I like the objective view, which is really rare in poetry.
Great idea, too. Feelings are fickle things, and you seem to have worded them quite nicely. YOur word choice is also very effective and well thought out.
Well done!
Bahaha... Hi there, ofir.
It made me smile, I really appreciate what you're bringing us; something new to read, something original, something that you expressed in a creative way. And, I actually have nothing to critique. Just commenting because I think you deserve it. xD Great job!
This is short, but I think it is great! It's amazing how you can make something so interesting out of a few words. Your lines flow well, and you chose your words carefully and... it's like magic.
Thanks for sharing your talent! ^_^
~Solly<3
Hi ofir!
This is a very interesting piece and I'm glad you've posted it. The descriptions and thoughts here sound so personal. I agree with you totally. Feelings are strange. We sometimes keep them bottled up when we actually need to explode them out.
This is a great piece and thanks for sharing. Keep the ink flowing!
Murtuza