Too Late
I held on to my pillow with everything I had. Tears dripped from my eyes, hot and salty as they slipped onto my nose. They tickled somehow. It was strange to remember my body could have reactions anymore. It felt almost like the tears wiped away everything from my mind. Yet I kept crying - I just couldn't forget.
I guessed it was good to feel something but sorrow. I guessed it was better, healthier for me than to be stuck in my room, bawling my eyes out. But it hurt deep inside. It was nothing doctors could fix.
My heart was hurting.
He got me a teddy bear. Before the fight, that is. Before we were over. It was staring at me from the corner of my room, chocolate colored and fluffy and absolutely adorable.
I tried to rub my nose, but my hand was shaking too hard. It was pathetic that he could make me simply shut down. It was terrible. He always had this power over me. Like how he never said I love you. How he could never seem to make those words leave his mouth. He acted as if it pained him.
My tears were falling harder. My throat was already sore from all the wailing, but I couldn't hold back one last tiny whimper. It was just so unfair. I loved him so much. I'd told him that, so many times. He'd just smile, pulling me in for a hug. It was always one of those tight hugs, where I felt him trying to hold me closer than ever, as if we might blend together.
With a sudden jolt I realized where I wanted to be right now. Between his arms again. Seeing that unexplained smile across his lips. I wanted to smell him and taste him and feel him. But he didn't feel the same. At least, he never told me. It was time I put my foot down, I said to myself feebly. This fight was for the better. I attempted to gather myself. With great effort, I slid off the bed.
I picked up the teddy bear from across the room. "Guess it's just you and me now, huh?" I asked it with a thick voice. Something slipped from the teddy bear's soft hand. I picked out the note, putting a hand to my mouth as I read the words. I was trying to stop my sobs. I couldn't see anymore because tears blurred my vision. They were hot and salty and they tickled.
In my mind, I could still see his messy hand writing all across the small piece of paper. "I love you," the note read.
Too late. It was already too late.
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
It was very clear but really sad. It is an emotional piece which brings out the cruel side of love: heartbreak.
Keep writing!
Georgie
x
That was so sad! I wanted to yell at you for making it end that way! It would have been different if the guy had been a jerk. But that doesnt mean I didnt love reading it. Good job!
Hey Ofir, *waves*
Everything you had? What? Rephrase. Perhaps you mean 'I held onto my pillow in desperation'Do you mean, It felt almost like 'Crying' wiped everything from my mind.
If crying is wiping everything from your mind, you wouldn't know anything or better yet you wouldn't have difficulty with forgetting.
This line insinuated that you are not sorrowful when it's th opposite because you're crying. I think you should slash that line.
0_o Impromptu heart attack!...I think you could try and explain this line much better, stretch it out a bit.
I like this bit, your MC is starting to feel a bit more realistic.
I think just 'Like how he never said I love you' Is enough, cut the 'How he could never seem to make those words leave his mouth' bit.
The ticking, salty tears has been done before, use other words to describe.
I feel as though 'In my minds eye' would have been a better fit.
Why? Don't just leave me hanging like that!
Alright so this seems like every other break-up story I have read. I didn't feel as though you brought your MC to life, she seemed a bit faceless and there was nothing learned about her. The entire length of the piece was just her whining and crying about the break-up. There was no attempt to even describe the ex-boyfriend, she must have had reasons for getting together with him. When? How? Her first impression of him? None of these are ventured in this story. I think that this can be expanded on, a lot more.
Anger
I really liked it. Little repetitive with the hot and salty tears but overall good and very emotional.
GOOD JOB
HWOWH!
I felt as if I was going to cry too. HONEST!
It seemed odd, however, repeating that the tears were hot and salty, and it tickles.
Nevertheless, it's pretty great.
Keep on writing! Keep on writing!
-KAT <3 (likes this)
This story was so sad... but i still enjoyed reading it!