Hey! So, I was brainstorming, and this is what came of it. I edited as well as I could, but I really need your help! This is a very, very important chapter. Please help me out with it! Thank you guys so much for everything!
Chapter nine- Violet mist
I landed on the rented bed without much thought. Today was so long. I flung two pillows on my face, snuggling in the slightly scratchy, thin blanket. My eyes closed of their own, and sleep was closer than ever, but I was still able to mumble, "what about college?" I hadn't given anything, especially college, much thought all day. I tried very hard not to think in fact, but now in the darkness, I couldn't push it off anymore. Time to face the facts. I grimaced at the dark conclusion.
Jessie was equally tired, sprawled across the other bed next to mine, the gap filled by our bags. "I called them up and said that you were sick and weren't coming for three to four months," he answered sleepily, his voice drawling.
I managed a smile. "Now how'd you manage to think of that?" I peered at him through the gap of in the pillows that piled on my head.
He shrugged. "The stars go both way, you know."
I let my eyes close. Again with the stars. What did that mean, exactly? There were so many things that I wanted to know, that I had to learn to accept. Jessie was evil. The word just didn't seem right. But he didn't reject it – he was proud of it, even. So, what options did I have left? He was still Jessie. I sighed as my morals and my feelings battled inside me, a doomed battle, I knew. Ugh, fate could be so annoying.
Jessie muffled a laugh. "You're upset with me, aren't you?"
I yawned. "'Course I am. You made me run for miles." At a certain point, Jessie said it was better to abandon the car, something about how our 'spirit particles' had already worn into the leather, and so we had to walk. Run, actually. My sore muscles ached as a reminder as I flipped to my side, hiding my face from him.
The rented room was small, the walls a dirty brown, left darkened at places by dampness. Not the ideal place to stay the night. But it'd have to do.
"We're going to need to get breakfast tomorrow," I noted absentmindedly. I already started calculating the amount that would cost. I didn't have any money on me. Maybe Jessie had some…
Jessie chuckled – a low, exhausted sound. "We don't think alike at all," he commented. I flipped over again so that I could look at his face. He was staring at the ceiling, his expression brooding, his golden hair crowning his head, glowing in the faint light of the lamp, his strange hazel-honey eyes trailing the patterns of dampness on the ceiling. "I already know your wrong means my right, and your right means my wrong." His brow crumpled. "But I didn't expect this at all. We're different people."
It was my turn to chuckle, my eyelids falling over. "Of course we are." I sighed. "But I guess that's why we're going to fit better than anyone." I opened my eyes, only to find him staring at me curiously.
He raised a brow at me.
"Opposites attract," I reminded him. He nodded, still gazing at my face, the strangest expression taking over his face. I felt myself blush. "What is it?" I urged. He looked away, as if only now noticing he was still looking at me.
"Nothing," he said, and turned off the light.
The scratchy, narrow bed felt much more comfortable than I had thought it would. The thin blanket warmed me entirely, and the scratchiness disappeared, leaving softness. "Good night," I called at Jessie numbly. "Sweet dreams."
His voice was uncertain when he spoke. "S-sweet dreams."
The lumpy pillow felt like velvet now. I closed my eyes, waiting for sleep.
In the darkness that surrounded us, I thought I heard a low voice singing softly in a strange tongue that flowed silkily, word twisting into word in a gentle melody that seemed so far away, but then again, it could have been a dream.
***
I woke up with a start. The curtains in the room were withdrawn over the one stained glass window, which flooded the room with a pearly white light. Jessie sat on his bed, chewing a pretzel. He looked up to meet my eyes. "Morning," he called as I straightened slowly, careful not to make any sharp movements. My aching muscles reacted nicely.
I stretched, yawned, and got off the bed, standing on my bag accidentally. I jumped off it, wincing as my muscles rejected the work. "Morning," I groaned as I sat at the edge of his bed at last.
Jessie smirked, his eyes laughing, and gave me a pretzel of my own.
"Thanks," I mumbled before taking big bites of the stale dough. I was starving. It tasted funny on my tongue, salty, yet somehow sweet. But it didn't make me sick, and there was no other option. I swallowed the whole thing in six bites. When I was done, Jessie leaned back on the bed.
"We have to go now," he grunted.
I shuddered. "Why?"
"They're catching on to us," he replied simply. He got off the bed, taking up his small, black sports bag and started making sure the zippers are all closed.
I stayed quiet as I checked my bag the same way he did. They were catching on to us… I braced myself for the consequences. "What will they look like?" I asked softly.
Jessie jerked upward from the bed. His eyes seemed brooding again. "They'll probably look human," he admitted at last, "but there are some shapeshifters, so you can never know."
I nodded, noting that down. Beware of cute little puppies.
"And… what will happen to us if they find us?" I continued hesitantly.
Jessie grimaced. "When they find us, they'll probably wipe your memory, so no harm done."
I shook my head angrily. "I wasn't talking about myself. What would happen to you?" A hot sensation bubbled in me. I knew for certain that that was the most important thing to me now.
Jessie was caught off guard. His expression twisted from surprise to a certain amount of hope before it faltered again. "They'll…" he finally answered."I suppose they'll turn me over to my side." He didn't continue.
I took a tiny step forward. "What will happen to you, then?"
Jessie scowled, obviously wishing I hadn't gotten to this point. "I'll probably be put on trial." He shrugged.
I felt the blood rush out of my face and I blurted the first thing that came to my mind. "Then it would be better for you if you surrendered now?" as soon as I spoke, I regretted saying the words. Because what if he was to listen to me? What if it was better for him, and he would leave? My chest ached as I considered that. I was getting too attached. But… was that so wrong?
"No." Jessie's tone was confident.
I shook away the relief I felt. I had the strangest feeling he didn't only answer my spoken question. "We have to go now, don't we?" I asked, desperate to change the subject.
"Yes." Jessie's face darkened, as if a shadow was passing over them. "We have to go."
I held my bag with a trembling hand. A loud, rumbling sound shook the floor a little. I was aware that Jessie swore, and then the noise escalated, drowning him out. The floor started to shake rapidly, the glass in the window quivering. I didn't even have time to drop my bag when the ceiling crashed.
"Merry! Merry, where are you?" Jessie's yells were the last thing I heard before everything turned… strange. I closed my eyes, and when I opened them again, I was in a bizarre room with no doors. The walls were colored a strange, uneven purple, and there was a bright violet mist at my feet, covering everything with a thick fog until my waist. For some reason, I didn't panic. It all seemed terribly familiar. I squinted, trying to remember.
"Hello," said a high, cold voice.
I swallowed, panic seeping through my stomach. Where was this place? What was happening? And more importantly, where was Jessie?
The bodiless voice spoke again. "Your trial shall begin momentarily."
I tried to hold on to my calm. The voice had said trial. Trial for what?
The seconds ticked by, but at the same time, I had a feeling they didn't move at all. The voice didn't speak again, and the dread in me reached drastic levels. My heart thumped unevenly in my chest and the air was coming in shallow breaths. Maybe I would faint, I thought almost gratefully.
"Merry August Jall-rin," the voice said my full name in its cold, sophisticated manner.
I waited, not breathing at all. The edges of the purple mist started to shimmer in my view.
"I hereby announce you guilty!" the voice boomed.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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That was good, not great but good. I felt it could have went down better? I don't know maybe that's just me and you have your own style of writing just as does everybody. I just thought that it seemed a bit rushed? And : Was that so wrong?, it sounded cliche. But I still loved this part. Other than me bickering on about probably nothing, I LOVE YOUR WORK! It is fabulous. So, keep up the awesomeness and tell me when your next part is up. xxx
OK, that wasn't expected.I like this story. I couldn't find many grammatical errors however I would say that the story is going very fast. isn't this the sort of thing that happens in chapter 25? But then again you may already have a plan for that. It's just this isn't a short story so you need to make sure that this isnt your main plot.
Apart from that, your ideas have so many interesting turns, your plot is old yet new, your writing style is fluent and consistent.
Ill PM you with more of a review when I have time.
Maddy