The novel- ch.5

Hey, so here's chapter 5, it's really short since I've been struggling with it. Help is needed!

chapter 5

Kelly was hurt. Not that I was surprised by that fact, but I still winced as she called my name sharply. "Merry!" her tone was menacing, and I knew I'd done it this time.

"Hey…" I mumbled, staring at the bumpy wooden floor of the bar.

Kelly's tone changed. "Oh, honey!" I felt her arms wrap around me protectively and sighed. I must've really worried her. "Why didn't you come to my place?" she sounded a little bit like a scolding teacher.

I shrugged unimpressively. "Time to think," I mumbled mildly.

Kelly shook her head. "I have a full break-up kit in the waiting since the day you two met," she reminded me. I winced at the term break-up. Trying to think about something else, about anything, I tried to think about her hug. It was nice, familiar and comfortable, but somehow, I got the feeling it wasn't the right hug. Realizing that made my heart hurt, but not in a medical way. I knew what was really wrong with it. "Has Jessie come in yet?" I tried looking over Kelly's shoulder.

She scowled. "Is that all you can think about?" her voice turned scolding again.

"No," I mumbled, embarrassed, not sure if this was a lie. "But it's the safest subject for me right now." That wasn't a lie. The best thing for me to think about was Jessie, no matter how twisted it looked from the outside. It made me feel better, so, so be it, I decided.

Kelly still seemed concerned. I knew I'd scared her, but honestly, what did she think I did? And, coming to think of it, how did she even know about the break up?

"Kelly…" my voice took an ominous pitch."How come you know about the break up?" too blunt, I understood a moment too late. Kelly's lips pursed and her cheeks seemed to drain of blood.

She wasn't going to answer.

I swore quietly. "Jared told you, didn't he?" saying his name felt weird. Where was Jessie? I needed him around right now, for some strange reason I wasn't complete when he wasn't around. Like an actual part of me was missing. I wondered why it wasn't actually visible, why I didn't have a hole in my chest that people would gape at. It felt like it.

Kelly's lips stayed at the same tight line, and only her eyes gave her away. The clear blue-greenish surface of her eyes sparkled and she looked down. I was right.

Damn it, she was my friend! She wasn't supposed to do this to me! I guess my feelings were quite clear on my face because Kelly sniffed. "Sorry," she muttered. I just shook my head at her. How could she?

"I was just worried… that maybe…" she continued in a small voice. This caught my attention.

I raised one eyebrow. "That maybe…?" I asked, willing her to finish.

"Look, I just know how strongly you felt about this one, and I was worried… because I didn't know if you'd do something you'd regret later…" she glared at the floor, her cheeks now flushed.

It hurt to know she thought this lowly of me. I shut my eyes tight, forcing everything into proportions. Her talking to Jared was reasonable, she was just worried about me. The reason for why she was worried was more upsetting. Did she really think I would hurt myself over a guy? Even though I loved Jared, entirely and completely, that thought had never come to mind, she surely knows that.

Apparently she didn't.

I opened my eyes, and she was looking anxiously at my face, her eyes guilty.

That was just something I had to live with. Maybe my best friend didn't know me all that well. Sure, she knew my mom and dad, and sure, she knew my favorite color, and she knew what I liked and what I hated, but me, really know me… I realized that maybe she didn't. It was an option.

I just shook my head again.

Not now. Not with all this Jared mess. I didn't need to loose my best friend right now. Kelly stayed oblivious to my conclusion. She smiled weakly. "I was just looking out for you, no need to get so angry."

Maybe she was just being over protective. I preferred that thought to the first.

Where was the peace and calmness of last night? Just sitting quietly with Jessie felt like everything was going to be fine, even if things were hard.

A flicker of intuition flickered in Kelly's eyes. "I'm still your best friend," she said gruffly. But it was too late. I didn't know that at the time, however. I smiled at her.

"Of course you are," I said, hugging her back.

The bar door opened and Jessie walked in, the black waiter's shirt in place, and a heart breaking smile to match. "Hey," he said cheerfully. I hoped he would know not to tell Kelly about us meeting. I didn't want her hurt. "Well, you look much better, Em, how are you feeling?"

I cringed and let go of Kelly. "Better, thanks." I knew my tone was sour. I grimaced as Kelly's eyes narrowed. "Jessie, as the manager, I need to show you around the kitchen," I said in a hurry before Kelly would have a chance to get upset. J

essie nodded, understanding flashing across his face. He looked a little guilty.

I pushed him through the kitchen doors. "Damn…" I shook my head as the thick doors closed. "What do I do know?"

Jessie smiled apologetically. "Sorry," he said in a small voice.

I shrugged. "It wasn't your fault, you couldn't have known."

His eyes tightened. "Right," he agreed.

Everything was so messed up today. I needed things to make sense for once. "So," Jessie broke through my concentration. "You have to finish working, pick up your stuff from the apartment, and I assume you go to college, so you'd have to stop there sometime, and after that, or before that, depends on the time you study, if you don't object, I'd like you to have dinner with me," he said in a business like voice that didn't fit him. Maybe he was nervous? I nodded, a little dazed. Nothing got through to me. Maybe a night out with Jessie was exactly what I needed.