The novel- ch. 4

Hello! Here's my latest chapter- I had a lot of problems getting it done, but here it is! Please comment and review- I need the help!!!

Chapter 4 - end and start

Jared was confused. I could see it in his eyes, the question marks burning – and I burned equally to tell. But I didn't know where to begin. What could you say to your boyfriend if he comes home from an exhausting day, only to find his girlfriend in their apartment, having dinner – which they promised to have together, just the two of them – with a stranger he'd never seen before? And what if that stranger was really, really cute, and not the least bit awkward, and was smiling broadly, a nice, beautiful smile? I swallowed hard. Saying honey, it's not what you think just didn't seem to be enough. Hadn't I flipped out over this in my dream? Hadn't I broken up with him over this exact thing?

The edges of the room shimmered again.

"Careful now," Jessie said, voice cheery and concerned, the way you talked to a little child who was playing with scissors. "You don't want to faint again," he added, not the least bit concerned if that was true. Because it really wasn't. Having the ground open up and swallow me now sounded like a very tempting idea.

Jared's eyes cleared with understanding. He walked into the apartment, clearly at ease now that he knew what had happened. That upset me a little. Wasn't he supposed to care if I was hurt or anything?

Jessie seemed to understand.

His expression turned worried as he looked at me again. His mouth turned down at the corners and his brow furrowed slightly.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he made sure. That was sweet of him. But I didn't need just anybody's attention. I wanted Jared's, yet somehow, his concern made me feel better.

I could feel my face light up, not knowing how to stop them. I shouldn't have been this excited just because Jessie seemed to… care, just a little bit about me. But I was. The butterflies in my stomach were too.

I saw Jared's eyes scrutinizing my expression with rising eyebrows but I was still thrilled.

He cared enough to ask me if I was okay[/i[i]], and he was worried, and he was worried about me! I chanted in my head, elated for some strange reason. Why did those things even matter to me? Stupid, stupid, stupid, I scolded myself, beating back the unexpected surge of excitement. What was that just now?

My expression slowly returned to its normal state. I smiled politely, and Jared's eyebrows shot down, relief clear on his features. Jessie seemed annoyed. I didn't know why I felt that. His brow was perfectly smooth, he was smiling politely too, but he wasn't using his eyes. His eyes were what gave me the notion. The strange hazel-honey color seemed irritated, as if showing me a mirror. I felt irritated too. I wanted to keep having that sweet, keyed up feeling.

Jared sat down on the empty chair next to Jessie. "What're we having for dinner?" he asked, smiling. I smiled back – or at least tried to because Jessie started playing with a spoon that sat idly on the small, round wooden table. It was hard to pay attention to anything else with the sight of his smile breaking slowly across his lips, his hazel eyes amused and happy.

"Pasta," I answered, hoping it wasn't too late for an answer.

Jared nodded, saying nothing.

I felt myself blushing, the hot blood rushing up to show my embarrassment and awkwardness for everyone to see. Good thing everyone was busy. In the few moments that I hadn't looked, it seemed as though everything changed. Jessie was looking at Jared with disapproval, like he had just failed some test, and Jared was staring at Jessie with disdain. Golden hair against raven dark one, sparkly hazel eyes against deep green ones. They both said nothing.

Jessie's reaction was the one that surprised me most. He looked up, meeting my eyes. The butterflies fluttered in my stomach, tickling as I breathed deep breaths to stay calm. I shouldn't remind myself to stay calm, I thought, starting to feel more uncomfortable as the seconds ticked by. Why were my reactions so strong to this person?

Jared looked away from Jessie, his face twisting with dislike. "I thought we said we'd eat dinner alone," he said softly. The words were meant for me, but I could see they were actually for Jessie. My chest hurt the tiniest bit.

"Jared, he helped me out when I fainted, the least I can do is ask him over for dinner," my tone was colder than I meant it to be. Jared seemed surprised. His eyebrows shot up again, and I turned to glare at the wooden table, the blush deepening. I didn't want him to see how much what he said hurt.

Jessie got up with a sigh. "No, he's right Em." Jared's eyes flashed at the sound of my new nickname.

"You have to go?" I sounded too disappointed.

"Sorry," Jessie said simply. He meant it. My mouth slipped out in a slight pout, too small for Jared to notice. But Jessie noticed. He laughed, the sound not fitting the stressed mood at all, and waved goodbye. "I'll see you at work tomorrow," he said. With one last smile, Jessie stepped out of the apartment.

I was a little stunned. Then I shrugged to myself. Sure he got the job.

Jared turned his head mechanically my way. "Merry," he said, voice pained. "How did he help you exactly when you fainted?"

He waited patiently as I thought it through. "Well." I shifted uneasily in my seat. "He sat me down, put something cold on my forehead, and then when I couldn't breathe… somebody…" my voice faded. Horror settled over my features – an echo to Jared's expression.

It was going to be a very long night.

***

"Jared?" I murmured into the darkness. The lights were closed in his room, but I could hear his breathing stop as I called his name.

Getting separate rooms was my idea. We both needed to study, and have some time to ourselves, and this seemed like the best solution. Wrong. If we had the same bedroom it would force him to talk to me. He'd been avoiding me all night.

"Jared, we need to talk."

There was a movement in the darkness, and the lights went on. I blinked, my eyes adjusting to the light. Jared's cheek was pressed against his pillow, and a pile of books surrounded his bed. His eyes were closed. "What?" he asked shortly, voice muffled by the pillow, turning out less sharper than what he'd wanted, I imagined.

My throat clogged up, and the tears started falling slowly, almost intangible, as if they were only ghosts of tears that I had once cried. Why was he so mean to me? He knew nothing had happened. He knew me well enough for that. Right?

Maybe we were making a mistake. Living together fresh out of high school, building our entire future while still this young. Maybe it was wrong, like everybody had said it was. I shook my head, denying the thought to myself.

Jared opened his eyes to a crack before sighing. "I'm tired Merry. That's all. You don't have to cry every time I get into a bad mood." His tone seemed exasperated.

I kept shaking my head. Yes, he was right. But everything hurt so much, how did he want me not to cry? I noticed every little thing he did, and those things hurt. It was the first time he said it bothered him, me crying. I noticed that too.

My lips curved upward to shape the words but I held my tongue. I didn't want to do anything reckless.

"What now?" he sighed again. Frustrated. Annoyed.

That was enough to set me off.

"You're always hurting me." It was a statement. "You know how strongly I feel about crying, yet you still comment on it." That was also a fact. "And you want me not to cry?" I was asking now, disbelief coloring my voice.

Jared didn't look up. He didn't answer either.

"I thought we were stronger than this," I said slowly, hands clenching into fists. "But…" I hesitated. Jared closed his eyes, fingers fumbling toward the light switch. I have had it, I concluded to myself. "I was wrong." My voice was firm as I spoke, eyes glistening. I had found my resolve. Just like in the dream. Strange how things had turned out.

The tears started running faster and faster, the pain almost overwhelming as I realized what my decision meant. Didn't I want time to think this over? Didn't I want to calm down before deciding? I asked myself, my resolve slowly changing into panic. But I knew they were just excuses. No, I didn't want to pause to think. This was meant to happen, and I was just pushing it off, hoping it would go away. Because I loved Jared. Because I was going to have to deal with a broken heart now. But I could take it. Just like in the dream, I wasn't alone. That thought brought me enough courage to face the truth.

"I think we need to… think about things," I whispered softly, turning off the lights myself before leaving. This was for the best. Only for the best, I chanted to myself. Right, I thought bitterly as the tears kept streaming down, breaking whatever little spirit I had left. I needed something right now. I wasn't sure what, but something was missing.

Jessie already waited at the park he had taken me to in my dream. I knew the direction easily, as if I drove here a thousand times before.

"Hey," he said softly, smiling in sad sympathy. As I settled on the bench next to him, nothing seemed missing anymore. I had the part that was missing right there with me. I felt a small smile spread through my tears. No more crying tonight. But for some strange reason, I didn't feel embarrassed of my tears at all, they glistened, quiet and delicate, on my cheeks. Jessie smiled wider now. "You'll never guess what Laira did today…" he began.

I laughed shakily. Jessie always understood things so well.