You're losing your memory.
That's a terrifying thought. None of the doctors know why, they just whisper and cast you pitying glances. You haven't told your family yet. God, and your friends are going to be appalled. It's going to be horrific.
You're losing your memory.
Really, you know you are. You can't remember where you put the phone just a few minutes ago. You can't remember why you smiled when you walked down the street. Hell, you can't even remember the damn street! It's all blurry.
You're losing your memory.
God, that sucks.
No, it really doesn't have to be bad. You can live gracefully, even without your memory intact. I mean, you have to, don't you? You can't just stop living. You have a cat that is entirely dependent on you. There are other people too, but right now all you seem to recall is that cat. You wonder briefly what its name is, but seeing as you can't recollect it, you'll have to settle for cat. Maybe that's its name. Cat.
Maybe those other people will be worried about your memory. Maybe they won't care. Maybe it wouldn't really matter, and maybe it will change everything.
Your lower lip stings, but you can't remember if you bit it.
You're losing your memory.
Life is smudging all around you. That afternoon at the beach is gone. The beautiful sunset over that field. Your best friend throwing pillows at you. The first time someone touched their lips to yours.
It's all disappeared from your head. You look around but it's not here. You wonder what will be left once everything is gone.
You're losing your memory.
You wonder if you ever lived at all, if you can't remember anything from the life you led.
Then you wonder if there's any ice-cream in the fridge.
You're hungry and it does no good thinking over an empty stomach.
What were you looking for again?
Damn it, you forgot.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I really genuinely enjoyed this piece. I especially liked your incorporation of repetition on the "You're losing your memory" bits. It almost seemed as if the character kept on being distracted, then wonders why they can't remember things then they continually come to the conclusion that they are losing their memory. Almost like a cycle that keeps repeating.
The incorporation of emotion can help this in multiple ways. Firstly, it would help the reader connect more with the character. I really didn't feel too connected, and other than just interest in what was going on, I didn't really see that character as a character but more of an emotionless narrator.
What it can also do, is drive home the fact that they are losing their memory. Every time they come to that conclusion in the "You're losing your memory", they can be met with either the same emotion every time (e.g: anger) or the emotion can differ ever so slightly every time (e.g: anger slowly turning into sadness). That too will help the reader connect with the character, and I for one would see the story as more of a tragedy and you need to connect for those.
That is just a suggestion that you can take or leave, but it would be cool to see what it does to the piece. Now I want to see that... PM me if you do!
I liked this piece... the concept itself was interesting and quite originally done. The voice was very different from most other things I've read. I would consider incorporating more emotion and more background, but this was well done.
Personally, I have a lot of experience with memory issues- I had a concussion and post concussive syndrome for 8 months, and had short term memory for most of that time. It was incredibly frustrating, and made daily functioning almost impossible by myself. I always knew that I couldn't remember things because it was short term I guess, but it was the most trying period of my life. I would think about bringing in that frustration, though it would change the tone of the piece.
I dunno.
It's up to you, of course.
Nice write.
-Coral-