Don't Go
Don't go.
Those words seemed so ridiculous to me just a short time ago. Of course people will go; it's in our nature. Come and go, and then come back, maybe leave again… that's just who we are. There was no use crying about it, asking these silly demands.
Don't go.
Those words always had an effect on my life, one way or another. But never quite like this.
Stay with me. Just for a bit, okay?
I bite my lip, holding it back. No. That will be his answer, and I'll be hurt, so maybe… maybe it's better this way.
And if he said yes. And then he'll leave again… it'll be hard. Or if he got hurt… I'd be… scared, all the time, scared to make a mistake, scared that things beyond my control would happen. It's… okay like this, isn't it? I don't have to be hurt, or afraid.
The snow falls softly on our heads. The entire park is filled with it; it looks like its covered by a magical white blanket. The snow is seeping into my shoes. It feels kind of nice.
I see that person smiling, reaching out a hand. And I don't mean to, but the words slip out. "Don't… Don't go," I whisper, tugging on his hand.
He laughs a warm laugh, almost melting the snow. He can't see it the way I do, but he is doing it. His aura is purple – surprised. "But we just spent the entire day together. Besides, you know I'm already late for the truck guy," he says.
Maybe it's just me and my insecurities… I'll be okay on my own. I know I will. I won't be too scared – I'll be all right. But… that hot sensation in the tips of my fingers that I get when I touch him will disappear. I won't see him smiling anymore. It's okay to be hurt, just for a little while, because of that, isn't it?
"I won't go if you need me to stay," he hurries to say. But he's bothered. He needs to organize things back at home, get settled in the new place.
I do this little jerk, blinking away tears of rejection. "No, it's okay. It was just a silly thought."
He kisses my forehead. "I love you," he says, grinning.
His aura is yellow. Liar. He doesn’t really love me. But that's okay, 'cause I don't love him. I don't love anybody. That way, I won't get hurt. That way, I won't be alone. I do my best to give him a smile. "You're late," I remind him. He kisses me on the lips once, but his lips are cold – probably because of the snow. I watch his back as he walks through the white layer. He's walking, walking, walking… he disappeared.
I bite my lower lip, trying to prevent the tears.
Don't go.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Ok right off the bat, i was hooked by this story. The true emotion that i saw in this writing was amazing, i absolutly loved it. Also good use of repatition, the use of the title word at the begining and end was a great way to end the story. But i would have liked to know how exactly the MC was able to see the mans aura. was the MC special? As in had special powers? Or even as not human. Also was the "Truck Man" a code for something? or was it actually a man in a truck? To wrap things up i thought that this was very well writtin, with intence emotion, and a great hook. I would recomend you add a little detail with the whole aura and truck man things, but otherwise i absolutly loved it.
Great Job!
Porter
Aww... this was a really sweet story. I enjoyed reading it, and i like the way you began and ended with the "Don't go" phrase.
One thing that did confused me though, was the fact that the mc saw the other person's aura. How does that work? I would have liked for that to be explained more.
But overall, very heartfelt, and good images of the snow.
Oh, one more thing, who was the truck guy... what did you mean by that?
=)