This is a very rough draft. I've worked at it and worked at it, but it seems... odd. I don't know how to fix it. I appreciate any attempt at help
Thank you!
Becoming a Star
Prologue
Do you know the number of small children dreaming of being famous? I doubt anyone ever did a proper survey on that one. My guess is, a lot.
For some reason, it seems to be every little kid’s dream – other than being a ninja, or a princess – which is much more manageable, by the way.
How about you? Do you want to be a star? I wouldn’t recommend it.
I myself am not famous. The faces I've created – maybe. But my job is no easier than the one involving the spotlight.
See, the problem with being the one pulling the strings, is that you know everything going on in the backstage rooms. That is where I do my work. All the ugliness and nervousness and unsightly emotions leak out, right there, in front of my eyes. It’s not a pretty sight.
So scram. Being famous isn’t for you. But… if you insist… I really would like to warn you first, though. Becoming a star is no easy matter. Trust me, I know. I had to find out the hard way. Because I was never really star material, ever since I was young.
I had to be around idols and stars growing up, watch them all the time, yet I could never really become one myself. I was never made to fit the profile, I guess.
But, you know, famous people are just people… kind of like us. Which is why they can be manipulated too, just like us. They used to treat me nicely, most of the time. I even became friends with some of them. Slowly I learned that I don’t have to be a star. Not really. After all, I was never really made to fit the profile.
But you, on the other hand, are a clean slate. You can do what you like. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Becoming a star is no easy matter. It takes up all of your time, your health, your energy. If you still want to give it a shot, do your best. Some people are made to fit that specific outline. But I was made to pull the strings. That’s what I like to think, anyways.
Now then, as I unfold my past to you, I trust that you will use this information for the better. Or the worst. I don’t mind. After all, you won’t get anywhere in that world if you aren’t just a little bit scheming… or would you rather like to call it ‘a good seizer of opportunities’? I’ve met a few celebrities who liked to phrase it like that. Made it easier to sleep at night, I assume. But, hell, who needs to sleep? Another thing you’ll give up on by becoming a star, by the way.
Well, enough said. With these words firmly in your head… Let your road to stardom begin.
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Canary word: Present
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Hey Ofir!! I loved it!! When you say "pulling the strings" what do you mean by that? Is it a stage manager or director? I like it by itself, but when it becomes a story or a novel is the same style going to be used?
"Becoming a star is no easy matter," seems to be repeated a lot. He/she seems to return to the same point two or three times, so it is locked in one place rather than beginning to move foreward.
"A good seizer of opportunities..." I LOVE this. It is very funny.
All in all I thought this piece was fantastic! I hope to see the rest of the story later!
I'm sorry but i can't say i liked this. it's just a personal thing, i'm not a big fan of the narrator talking to the reader. eg:
it seems more like an instruction book than a fiction novel. if i were to write something like this i would describe the main character watching his/her friends and other people becoming stars and trying to convince him/herself that they're the ones who were destined to pull the strings, but that's just my personal opinion.Biffle here to review.
I really like this piece, you personal voice in it is really authentic sounding.
Kudos for the idea, I would have never come up with something like that. It sounds authentic yes, but it also sounds a little fake and a bit cliche, like you were once a star, and now you're not. Yeah, happens to all of 'em. But either way, i liked it and i dont see how this is wrong...
Biffle